Its not me.

Typing this out because i need to get this. 

its not me, and no one will validate it because most people dont give enough of a *** to actually help me solve the problmes that have been plaguing my life for decades. No offense to them still love em, but theyre not as invested in my growth as i am, understandably.

I have problems that have a habit of repeating, and when you have those type of problems people say *** like "well the common denominator here is YOU", so its YOUR fault. I get frustrated because I agree with them and never even deny this. But you know what. If you keep doing what youve always done youll keep getting what you always got. So im gonna be public enemy number one and disagree with that accusation. Its not me. Yep its everyone else. Blasphemous i know, but somethings gotta give. 

I remember when i was younger I lost my first car, a family member stole it lol, i got it back crashed it from exhaustion working two jobs and taking 16 credit hours in college, then while fixing back up another family member stole it again haha. So that sent me down a 4 year cycle of financing *** cars that i couldnt afford and losing them. One day a guy at a sleazy dealership, the owner actually sat me down as signed the contract to yet another car financing and told me "Look kid... I love money, I love selling cars and ill never stop someone from giving me money and buying my car... but your killing yourself. Its clear as day, if you keep getting these *** cars and losing em, youll spend the rest of your life ***." surprisingly honest advice from a used car salesman, anyway i lose that car too got hit by drunk driver lmao, and i took his advice after that. I bought a car from a private dealer got a pre sale inspection and currently ive been driving the same beater for years, i broke that cycle. But before that people would just tell me "you have to make your payments, your not doing this enough blah blah" no the dealrships are clearly *** me over. And me taking the blame that they deserve is distracting me from finding a better alternative. 

Im dealing with that exact same issue but with a different medium, housing and employment. I keep blaming myself for *** that theyre doing wrong because everyone else likes to blame me too, so im going to be the villian. Im gonna be the evil monster who has the audacity to not take blame i dont deserve. Because to be honest no dude, these jobs are *** ***. It literally is not me. These landlords are *** ***. I am not the only person in america getting absolutely *** over right now. SO whenever i start blaming myself for *** that other people are doing to me, i need to stop and reflect, and ask myself, am i just being swept up in some *** cycle? 

Its not me, i will not be taking blame for injuries that i didnt inflict. And if everyone on earth hates me for that? Good. Be my enemy then. Just a message to my future self, its not you, dont believe the hype because that *** is not helping right now. If your walking down the street and someone punches you in the face, the logical thing to do is notice that you didnt punch yourself, it happening alot of times does not correlate to it being your fault. Even if you got punched a thousand times you didnt punch yourself, maybe its time to move. I cant get away from a problem if i only ever identify the problem as myself. Sometimes you gotta call a spade a spade, if everytime you shop at this dealership they rip you off... its the dealership, and they probably know that, but dont expect them to tell you anytime soon. Im dealing with the worlds shittiest jobs, i need to find some alternatives, im also dealing with *** apartments and need some alternatives. I left dealerships alone and will never go back, i left drugs alone and will never go back, i left situationships alone and will never go back. The trend here is that getting away from *** things that dont promote growth... works. So i need to figure out how to get away from *** dead end exploitative jobs and corrupt as con artist landlords, because these are the two boss battles that are giving me ***. Its not me, its them, *** anyone who thinks differently