Rhys’s diary of literally random stuff

  I can't study. I've been sitting here for so long. I asked mother if I could go to my cousins house to study there and that we were gonna study together, and she asked me to explain the logic of going there when we're in different grades. We're just gonna go there and study, sitting next to each other. It's not that deep and I don't know why she gets so offended and hurt by everything. Like what's wrong with her. The moment I even get a little bit happy, she gets mad at me like why. She hates seeing me happy. Genuinely she's the most manipulative person Ive ever met in my whole life, and she's always trying to gaslight me and hurt my feelings. 
  I don't feel anything anymore. When I look at her, I feel nothing. All I want to do is get out of this place. I can;t wait to leave this place adn when I do, the chances I'm looking back are slim. I'll keep the relationship but I'm not gonna ever move back here. Me and my cousin hopefully will just leave and live together and stuff. We'll be financiall independent ourselves without the need of their help. That's why we're starting that business together with the crocheted items. It wont make much but its still something and some money is better than no money right? And Im also thinking of designing joiurnals on canva and selling them as well and I think we'll do everything on pinterest and maybe I'm thinking of starting an *** since everyone does use that. I'm not really much of a social media person since I'm not allowed to have *** because my older brother was caught talking to a girl or osmething on there once and now tehy dont want me to have one but I'll just go around them in some way because I genuinely don't even care anymore. The only thing I have is youtube and Pinterest. We'll probably do Pinterest first and than see how it goes. 
  Besides one time I brought the idea of something like this up, and she laughed at me and said I was ridiculous and that asking or this was so random and shes the one always askign me why I never talk to her, like its because all she does is make fun of me and she's so cruel with her words because they hurt so bad and she doesnt even understand that.  Not many people do, tey ust say that Its fine but its not becasue she's my mom shes supposed to love me. This morning they were talking about how I said that to my brother that I love him unconditionally and how even our mother has never said that and stuff like of course she hans't because she doesn't love us. Maybe she does, but evne then, the only thing that comes out of that is so much pain. 

  Okay, I came to my cousins house. Hoping that I actually get some work done. Might stay up till late night though cuz I gotta get that A and *** I'll do whatever I can for it

  I actually did get a good chunk done. I learned electron configurations which actually wasn't as hard as I was expecting them to be. It was actually okay, but I haven't taken the test yet, so I am scared for that. I don't know if I know enough to properly answer all those questions and multiple choice questions. In Sha Allah it goes well though. I'm fasting today though, so that I can make up for my fasts that I lost in Ramadan which is 7. I'll probably do like 4 this week and than do the last 3 either when I go to India, or when I come back. I'm not really looking that much forward to going to India. I don't really have anyone there, no cousins that are my age. They're all boys and they're pretty annoying. 
  Anyways, today in first class, we went to the kitchen to cook and it was supposed to be like a one time thing or whatever since we just finished with a big presentation. Now, I texted all the people in my group telling them about the ingredients, and one friend was supposed to bring canned tomatoes, but this idiot told me "yes, I'll check" and than never responded when I asked anything else. She shows up to school and goes, "Oh, I thought you were bringing tomatoes." like girl, YOU LITERALLY SAID THAT YOU HAD IT. I mentioned so many times what I WAS bringing and this idiot still doesn't bring it. It's not even the tomato that's what I'm mad about, it's literally in general, she's so unreliable. Like she always uses my calculator, and one time she didn't give it to me for the whole weekend, like im sorry, but it's your JOB TO GIVE IT BACK. It's my damn calculator and she's not allowed to to ACT entitled to my stuff. 
  She's not even my sibling, and I'm so ready to drop her. So freaking ready because all she is, is so rude to me. I can't stand it and I'm distancing for sure. She's just irritating me at this point and I've had to deal with enough of her bs. 

  So apparently their is a good chance for school to get canceled tomorrow and day after because it's gonna be super rainy and their is gonna be a lot of flooding. I really hope it does get canceled since I have my math test tomorrow and I'm not ready for it. I haven't heard anything great about it. It's either bad or just okay. I really hope school does get canceled. I'm gonna take myself to a nice starbucks, get a drink, and study a little bit. Probably wont get that much done but it's fine honestly. 
  Tuesday might get cancled as well since it's expected to be even worse than. The thing about my school is that it's in a kind of random area where they don't have proper drainage so all the rainy muddy water just kinda sits on top of the road until laborers come and clean it out manually basically, so because of that, it's really dangerous for flooding and stuff. I think Tuesday is definitely gonna get canceled, though maybe for tomorrow their is a chance that we do have school which I really hope isn't like that because of the test I have.
  I wanna go home now and just skip my chemistry test. I'm too nervous to take it anyways but I know I can't. I'm also fasting today so I wont get to eat or drink till like 5:00 or something like that. Which means that I still have like 6 hours left till I get to eat. I had to watch everyone else eat the food I cooked this morning and I can't lie, I was kinda sad. I wanted to eat some of the spicy mac and cheese as well 😭 
  I do have stuff to do today. Which reminds me, I need to charge my calculator if I can hopefully find my charger thingy but idk we'll see. Hopefully though, I end up not having school tomorrow and getting to do whatever I want. I'll just do a ton of ixl today, and pray that tomorrow is canceled. I mean I am fasting and usually the person who fasts prayers are accepted quick, so InShaAllah school gets canceled. 

  I practically failed my AP world test. I studied so hard for it and got a D. I thought that I at least got a B but no apparently I got a D. Thats like somewhere between 35-38 questions right out of 55. That's horrible and technically she gives you half the points you lost if you do corrections but thats still terrible. I wanted to get an A this time, even without the curve she gives us, and I know that logically because of that curve, technically my grade gets bumped to an A, but still its annoying and I was hoping for something better. 
  I feel so pathetic. I studied so hard for that test, and still got a failing score. I hate this. My friends always do so well and they just study like a day before and get easy A's. How am I ever gonna go anywhere if I can't even get a good grade when I actually work for it. This feels unfair. 

  SCHOOL HAS BEEN CANCELED TOMORROW. I've had the shittiest day ever, but knowing that school got canceled has made my day feel a little better honestly. Now I have more time to lock in and study for my tests, and more importantly, I have enough time to sleep in now. 

  And as amazing as school getting cancled is, I haven't gotten any work done. I still have to do that and I didn't submit anything for history so I think I'm not gonna end up with an A. Also almost got in trouble in chem yesterday. The test went pretty bad so I dont think i even did that great. Half the questions were confusing but idk we'll see I guess. The result didn't come out.