Vanlifer Nov 6th

Today is the 34th day that I've been living in my car. I have A LOT of clarity. I'm in a hotel today because I was so bummed out I needed to find a way out of my negative headspace, literally all I needed was a hot shower and comfy bed. I'm feeling way better. Im scheduled to move into my new apt in 30 day! Just now I saw on the news that there is research saying "don't calm down stay angry, there are benefits to anger". This was kinda ironic because I've been hearing this message like all year. I realized something big this week. I am not motivated by negativity. Negativity and negative emotions drain me they do not energized me. Anger causes stagnation in me, fear causes lower effort in me. I am exclusively motivated by positivity. I'm starting to realize that this may make me rather unique and that my lack of understanding of this aspect of myself has likely been seriously holding me back in life. So many it seems get things done when they expose themselves to negativity, I however am the opposite. I learned that I see more clearly when I have what I need, right now I clearly see that I'm ok and I'll be ok but last week negativity stagnated me and blinded me to reality. I'm literally doing better and better everyday. The skills I'm picking up and the maturity I'm gaining will benefit me forever. The biggest lesson I learned is that I need leverage in life. Hard work alone isn't going to do it. I need to give myself resources that will allow me to get more work done. The more I do this the farther I'll go in life. I watched a really good movie called what love is that I recommend to everyone. It ironically cleared things up with a crush of mine. I'm going to selfishly give her affection without thinking of myself and honestly communicate my boundaries and needs. There is a way to accomplish all of my goals and I'm smart enough to find them. My life is about to become absolutely amazing.