It's sunday night

not sure if i selected the right topic or how thread works and stuff, but whatever

it is sunday night i am lying on bed with tears welling up , i tossed and turned and checked random stuff on my phone, and i sneaked out to living room to post this because i don't want to burden my spouse

it is monday tomorrow again, it is another working day, it is another day of not wanting to work but have to and do poorly and face i am a failure an imposter an incompetent person. not sure which one is worse, got laid off someday and lost income, or keep on at it and feel like this everyday. my heart feels a bit shaky pain alittle, but it will subside. and i will go back to bedroom after a while, i don't know how long, maybe in 5 minutes maybe half an hour, i can feel my eyes are heavy already. but my mind and heart doesn't want to sleep yet because the day hasn't started and it ended, the weekend hasn't started and it ended, and another work week started and i will live it like a soulless being and didn't know how i got by it at the end of the day and cannot sleep again because the day ended but it didn't start. haha. the tears are gone now because my eyes are too dry and tired. i will never live a fulfilled life and it is all my fault. and it is just like that. another day will come mercilessly just like that. i better go back into the bedroom and somehow sleep. haha.