Day's One Line A Day
Frustrated that I made mistakes on neuro hw. I still got an A on it though. It's ok to make mistakes. Always feel lonely and sad before I go to bed. I went to support group today but it's so hard to share things there sometimes. I try to tell myself I am doing my best to show up and share a little more each time.
@Daydreamer47 Hi I am a fourth year veterinary student who is graduating in May. I applied to one year veterinary internships for small animal/exotics. I started initially wanting to be a wildlife veterinarian and was pushed my a former mentor to apply right away to veterinary school and now that I am close to being done I feel that going to veterinary school was not really my choice as I struggle with being influenced by others easily. I just wanted to be a wildlife biologist. I have done a couple summers of wildlife field work and have a non-thesis Masters in conservation medicine.
Right now my tentative plan is to soon start relief vet work with a company like IndeVets where I could try to do seasonal summer field work with veterinary stuff to make money, with the goal of eventually maybe a full time position related to wildlife health/research if I can. A PhD is a possibility but feels daunting as I am now in my 30s and have my veterinary student loans.
I was frustrated with the last session. I just need you to really focus on slowing down and really listening to understand instead of giving a lot of advice. I felt that you missed the point of what I was trying to communicate a few times and I was frustrated.
Also while you are allowed your opinion of course, respecting my right to make my own choice is a very important boundary that really is not negotiable. I am pretty strong in being willing to be brave and take steps towards progress; all I need is really kindness and encouragement to voice my own opinion and wants and needs because I have dealt with too many controlling people who thought they knew best and used that to control me and it has wasted so much of my time because in the end they were wrong about what I needed and refused to listen.
Okay, I don't think it's going to work out. I think we want different things. I wasn't trying to hurt you, but did my best to be upfront and do have my settings on "short term relationship". I understand some people want something more serious that I can't offer right now. I am very careful with my safety and need at least a few dates and some level of friendship to feel safe around my body.
I left feeling upset and angry. I don't know how to not feel that way. I left feeling just extensive feelings of repressed rage sweeping through me. I also am upset about A. Like what do I do here, do I turn them down to protect my own feelings and to set a boundary around feeling respected or do I continue pursuing it to cope with the feelings of loneliness and unmet physical needs for the short term.
Hey, I haven't wanted to bother you all, but I have been dealing with some family stuff I tend to be private about, but feel like I should maybe tell people if anyone ever has spare time for a phone call at some point.
Doing my best, Really not sure how I feel about A. Should I turn them down? Do I just want a friendship, just cuddling or more than that idk. I wonder if I could have said more to B like "I can still listen as a friend anytime" Feel like he is bringing up feeling like my brothers, how avoidant they are, just don't even want to talk to me without a full explanation of what is wrong. He really does not want me in his life at all. I am still very lonely, should have brought my heated blanket, very cold here.
Hi, I do want to invite you to my graduation in May. I didn't know how to respond without upsetting you, maybe it's better to talk about it in person. I want to respect your boundaries when you're overwhelmed with school, but at the same time maybe you could communicate more when you're next available or how much alone time you need instead of disappearing. I've been through a lot of loss and it's hard for me when people are inconsistent.
I'm so lonely. I'm tired. I don't know how to get better. Why can't I get over him. I need love and support but love seems to come with aggression, invasion, selfishness. I'm tired.
@Daydreamer47
Thank you for the congratulations. You can pick out whatever gift you want; I do not have the time to research something.
While I appreciate the congratulations, make no mistake that my feelings about our relationship have not changed. I invited you to not cause any drama, but my feelings of hurt, anger and resentment are still present. I plan on sticking with my friends and Bailey, etc. as much as possible. I'm sorry if this hurts your feelings, but I am exhausted from pretending everything is fine when it is not.
@Daydreamer47
I don't want a gift. While I appreciate the congratulations, make no mistake that my feelings about our relationship have not changed, and I intend on keeping contact limited after the event. I invited you to not cause any drama, but I still consider your past behavior towards me and lack of accountability to be unacceptable, and I am not interested in having a relationship with you. I'm sorry if this hurts your feelings, but as an adult, and how you treat others has consequences, and I need to set boundaries around behaviors that harm my mental health, so I can actually be happy and heal. I plan on sticking with my friends and Bailey at the event as much as possible.
I need to take on a leadership role and feel confident as a vet. I cannot do that with someone in my life who has a 30 year history of verbal aggression and putting me down. I still do not see any significant effort to take those issues seriously and make meaningful improvements, so my boundaries will need to stay firm.