Day's One Line A Day

I'm now Doctor Sarah, DVM!! :) I want to be vulnerable and share my story for a minute in case it helps someone else. I honestly had a difficult time this past year in clinical year following the passing of my older brother James and a difficult relationship with my parents especially my mom, which I am currently choosing to limit for my mental health. I also lost a true angel in my kitty Archie who was perfect and gave me

unconditional love for 11 years. I struggled with not having the support of a traditional family, but I did my best to work hard and go for my goals, and appreciate every friend, doctor, technician, and animal who showed me compassion along the way. I didn't grow up wanting to be a vet, but always loved animals and I'm still figuring out how to pursue small animal work while also pursuing my true passion for wildlife conservation and environmental advocacy. I am grateful for the skills Tufts has given me and the ability to pay back the cat distribution system (and doggo, rabbit, guinea pig, turtle distribution systems :) ) the best I can. Thank you to everyone listening and congrats to my classmates and friends as well. :)

We need to tall for the first 10 minutes at least. I am really severely depressed right now and a huge contributing factor is that I do not feel hopeful that I can find a competent therapist who will actually help me i.e. I feel very hopeless that things will improve. I feel like I have had several poor therapists who lacked initiative, expertise and emotional intelligence to take my issues seriously let alone actually do anything besides waste my time. I felt hopeful about you at the beginning because you had a special expertise in emdr and ifs, however there have been certain things that triggered me to question if you have the capacity to help me, like not always being the best listener and not taking seriously enough how much I'm struggling. I really need you to not take this personally but to try to take seriously what its like for someone with depression and trauma who has very little support system and to therefore be very dependent on a therapist being competent. I don't expect anybody to be perfect, but I do need someone who is active and is able to follow through with adjusting to what I need. And please don't passively wait for me to raise the issue again. I need you to actively ask and check in about whether I feel therapy is helpful please.

I feel anxious about meeting my therapist tomorrow. I'm concerned she thinks I was too harsh and is terminating me for that reason or is overreacting and shutting things down instead of trying.

1. I'm sorry I may have been too harsh but I am trying to advocate for myself more and express my needs and feelings more. While I didn't want to hurt you feelings, I am allowed to feel frustrated and angry and express there is a need for improvement or adjustment.

I think I just wanted to hear that it all meant something to you, that I meant something to you. Every little moment meant the world to me. I let my guard down and had an amount of closeness and affection no one had ever shown me before. You of course have every right to move on and want space, and I understand we really aren't compatible now. It just hurt so much to go from you feeling like my best friend to barely acknowledging me. I think I just wanted you to show more emotion that you cared.

Hi, thanks for meeting. I do appreciate you at least trying to hear me out. My connection with you meant so much to me and I miss having you as my best friend. I do understand we really aren't compatible now though. I wish you the best. <3

Hi J,

I would like to cancel my appointment this week and end our sessions. I appreciate your help, but I am still dealing with getting triggered by therapy, and I think I want to take a break from therapy altogether and regroup before finding a new person.

I apparently will have United Healthcare in Delaware if you know anyone (but I would like to research a couple options of people before feeling ready to try to trust someone again). I may consider using an online therapy platform also.

-S

Got triggered by discussion of sleep hygiene today, because I felt frustrated with the advice and didn't find it helpful, since for me the sleep deprivation is a form of self harm when I have emotional and psychological pain, I am giving myself a form of physical pain as a way to feel like I can believe that the emotional pain is real and matters to me when I feel like no one is listening or caring or doesn't have the capacity to help me. The concept of riding the wave helped me, like keeping trying to take steps towards connecting with others and taking steps towards expressing when I am upset instead of dissociating and working on those steps one at a time with pauses to slow myself down.

Bucket list: work with frogs, salamanders or turtles. Visit: Greece, Caribbean, Alaska. Fall in love again and be loved. Participate in theater, singing lessons, gymnastics. Keep involved in social justice. Visit Z again.