Day's One Line A Day

Hi, I moved into my apartment ok. Lady was a bit snippy because I didn't see the attachment on the email and read the welcome letter. Had to set up electricity, internet, and stuff. Need to go pick up the router tomorrow. Scheduled Uhaul for Thursday to get furniture. Can't get parking permit without getting registration and license fixed.

Felt embarassed that I didn't see the welcome letter before but I am human and was overqhlemed with also getting rid of my stuff and also being at the partial and many responsibilities. I am learning to handle adult responsibilities and doing my best. I have taken a step towards pursuing my goals. I know I can fall back on primary care and build toward doing wildlife stuff and finding a more permanent community to be in. Balancing my need for survival mode with trying to let people in and lean on others but it sometimes feels like if I do that I'll fall apart and won't be able to survive.

Feeling okay today. Always lonely. Proud of myself for going to an event yesterday. Worried about weird fluid cyst on my ear. Should I go to urgent care this week. Anxious about starting work and all the other adulting things I have to do and preparing for work and doing a good job. Also anxious about the student loans. I need to hit the books and work on everything again on Monday for sure. Just take it one step at a time.

Night falling, I feel more lonely and anxious about work starting and everything I need to do. Tomorrow I need to take baby steps to face my fears and everything I need to work on. It's ok, you're doing your best. I am still feeling lonely. Some steps: contact vets 4 vets, keep going to new meetups to meet new people, keep using bumble bff. try to get involved in improv or surj stuff. send some emails or petitions tomorrow from surj boston email. take it a day at a time. keep using calm app. it helps you.

I am doing okay today, had a bit of a panic attack/bad mood about getting a parking ticket and struggling with taking off the plates. I am proud of myself for asking for help and using the kindness of strangers to get support when I can. I feel more that I take steps to do that; it is helping me grow. I haven't heard from the guy, but I have some new friends responding, so that is a positive. I am so grateful I set up the bed. Avoiding the student loan stuff. I think I will try to start it tomorrow and do a lot of mindfulness breaks with it. I just have to take baby steps to overcome the things I'm avoiding. Should also contact the support group and maybe go on the Tuesday support group.

I feel lonely every evening. talking to friend online helped. pushing myself to go to meetups this weekend. happy to have my kitty with me at home. need to contact vets 4 vets and keep going to support groups. how do I cope with these lonely feelings everyday. it's so hard to cope with and feels so overwhelming. I don't know how to fix it. I feel anxious about where I should go in the country and how to pursue wildlife survey/research opportunities vs continuing vet med. I am afraid. I miss my roommates and having someone in the house. I need to invite people over more.

Had a good time on the zoom with the peer support group today. Felt a lot of vulnerability and exposure and felt a lot of ruminating and overwhelmed with other's emotions and wanting to help everyone and make everyone happy at the same time. I am feeling like my mind is racing and I feel a bit overwhelmed by having so much attention on me and overwhelmed by a lot of responses and wanting to please everyone in the group.

I am feeling okay. Work is going ok, started seeing some cases by myself. Going to the meetup group was challenging but I'm glad I pushed myself to go. Worried about therapy being too expensive. what is my long term plan. try to contact someone at nc state again about the internship. also which of these online people will work out. overwhelmed still by where I should go in the country and if I should try to get into cornell program. should i go to san diego la, arizona colorado, texas or stay here in east coast tristate area,

Doing okay today, work was a whirlwind, was getting a good pace but then had a more complicated sick appointment that put me behind and had to work to catch up and juggle multiple patients at once. Also feel like I am asking a lot of advice and help super frequently and I should try to overtime handle more sick appointments on my own, but maybe it is ok since I am trying to learn and do the right thing. had some cool cases that were interesting. I notice I am sensitive to how the owner is responding and whether they are displeased with me or if I am coming off too anxious or not confident enough. I sometimes feel very out of breath from anxiety and running around. Would like to consider anxiety meds at some point in the future. But I am glad to feel like I am doing it but need to keep learning and growing.

Didn't hear back from the guy. I am frustrated that I tried to set a boundary and it feels like he is avoiding me because I set a boundary and advocated for myself. I know I made the right choice in trying to express that and he is reacting how he is reacting. Maybe he finds it a sensitive issue to know how to respond because I was vulnerable. I am feeling scared because I was starting to like him. I hate feeling like when I advocate for what I need or express some frustration people ignore me or leave. It seems like it is about his issues that he was that way.

Today I felt frustrated with tooth extraction. Make sure use scalpel first and elevator to remove the flap, need to burr a lot of bone out to get the tooth out. Emergency came in and I felt like I was just in the way, unclear on what I should do to help. 1. oxygen 2. catheter 3. fluid bolus

Feel frustrated with the date I went on and that he asked me to a second date immediately, not giving anytime to keep getting to know each other and chat more. He really didn't ask me a lot of questions. I mostly kept the conversation going out of habit. I felt a bit like he was boring, like he likes museum and culture which is great, but he is not really motivated to try to be creative himself and try new things which is a thing for me, having some adventurous spirit. Maybe he is too old-fashioned energy for me when I want someone who wants to go out and learn and try new things. I told him I needed more time and just wanted to chat but he messaged me immediately to chat instead of giving things more time like I asked. Meanwhile I have a stack of 7 people who ghosted me who I was more interested in. Plus the people maybe from the meet up group, but I don't know if I am going consistently enough to meet the same people and make friends.