Day's One Line A Day
Frustrated that I made mistakes on neuro hw. I still got an A on it though. It's ok to make mistakes. Always feel lonely and sad before I go to bed. I went to support group today but it's so hard to share things there sometimes. I try to tell myself I am doing my best to show up and share a little more each time.
Feel overwhelmed by all the dates and the ones that are pushy, the guy wanting another date immediately stressed me out without feeling out if I was also interested or asking more questions to get to know me. I was more interested in David or Luke but they both ghosted me. I don't know if I should message Luke again but I feel like this is a sign of how he will act in the relationship in general.
@Daydreamer47
1. Choose your own adventure story for romantasy
a. Animal hospital for magical creatures
b. Book shop?
c. traveling/beachy, beach shops
@Daydreamer47 How am I feeling today? A bit overstimulated with the emergencies today and wanting to ask questions but feeling like maybe I'm in the way or slowing them down. I want to maybe practice trying to do the case myself and then present to the doctor if time.
I guess I am still chatting with the guy. I feel like I need to turn him down and not sure how to do that. Really frustrated that so many of my other connections ghosted me. Especially the ones where I set a boundary or expressed frustration with chatting so much or Luke where also I expressed my needs and boundaries more but they disappeared. It's hard not to feel discouraged to have that many people disappear and be immature and think that ghosting is ok like that.
I felt very irritated today because of not getting enough sleep and dealing with the NAMI group. One of group leaders like the assistant was responding kind of giving long winded quotes and talking at people, and it was really getting on my nerves and pissing me off. I felt like he had zero self awareness of taking up so much space. I also was frustrated with the vet group because it has been more focused on professional stuff and not about emotions and mental health. This group was about an hour and I was only able to talk for about 5 minutes and really felt like I did not get what I needed. I don't know how to deal with such an overwhelming amount of people and figuring out who to then connect with more closely. Should I try to invite Gabby out individually or other techs/doctors out to hang out? It's frustrated because I feel I have no ability to get the bad/annoying behavior to stop in a socially acceptable way. Maybe if it was in person or I knew this person better. Maybe I can try saying "I do not want advice, just mostly giving me the floor to talk and simple phrases of validation/empathy to know that others care but I get frustrated by too much advice/people talking at me instead of listening."
I am very frustrated with these groups and people being incompetent at leading support groups. NAMI groups are hit or miss if the organizer is a good facilitator.
very frustrated with dating and want to take a break.
I feel so annoyed and irritated with these people because I could really benefit from support but these groups just suck and I don't know what to do. Maybe can ask the counselor and discuss potentially trying the baby step or voicing "Thanks for having me. I really ask that people do not tell me what to do or give advice , as I get easily frustrated with that but instead show empathy or simple validating phrases."
Feeling okay, not sure what to do about dating. I said I would take a break but I kept going because I'm addicted. should I try to tall to L or D? what about the guy S who messaged me but I'm not sure if I feel into him enough. The girl seems nice but is so boring to chat with. Maybe I should just ask her to hangout? idk
Have a ton of anxiety at work, would like to consider anxiety meds. also need to take step about recs and contacting ncstate.
cornell
exotics clinics in colorado or san diego?
how would I evdn get there, need to talk to counselor abput this
need to talk to counselor about goals and wanting to skip sessions cuz its expensive.
Feeling okay, not sure what to do about dating. I said I would take a break but I kept going because I'm addicted. should I try to tall to L or D? what about the guy S who messaged me but I'm not sure if I feel into him enough. The girl seems nice but is so boring to chat with. Maybe I should just ask her to hangout? idk
Have a ton of anxiety at work, would like to consider anxiety meds. also need to take step about recs and contacting ncstate.
cornell
exotics clinics in colorado or san diego?
how would I evdn get there, need to talk to counselor abput this
need to talk to counselor about goals and wanting to skip sessions cuz its expensive.
Had a difficult day today with two cases I didn't find the answer. feel like I was so exhausted,, hard to be social and confident when I feel terrible and I felt like the clients judged me for acting anxious and socially awkward. I did the best I could and I don't exist to please others. I'm doing the best I can with all I'm going through. I am feeling anxious about not bringing up what I wanted to at the last therapy session and need to try to bring it up first thing the next time. 1. I would prefer to set my own goals or at least have mine first and if I have time for one of hers then will see or at least ask as a question and check in if it's something I really want to do. I want to work on goals about the career stuff, starting with checking in with recommenders 1-2 this week. 2. I brought up the issue of being anxious at work to consider anxiety meds and whether she has referrals or if I need to make calls again. 3. I would like to do some role plays with aspects of conversations, practicing sharing opinions, saying no, telling anecdotes. I struggle highly with not feeling safe and that other people are unreliable, passive, or unsafe. also would like to start emdr at this point.
I feel so effing angry. the audacity of this b to complain that I didn't text her enough this week and didn't confirm plans when I carried every single. effing conversation, initiated the date and did 99% of the work. but I didn't contact her enough???? the fuuuuuck bischhh, you literally put in 0 effort and have the audacity to complain about me being avoidant because I texted her Wednesday and then waited until Friday?? like why the f didn't you confirm then? she now has plans for this weekend?? wtf.
I honestly feel very disrespected and angry. Connections require mutual effort. To complain that I didn't text you enough, when I already felt like I was doing 90% of the work make me angry and feel disrespected. I am a friendly person and thought maybe you were just reserved, but I have needs too and it's not fair for me to do all the work with the other person not really showing effort to get to know me in return. If you have certain expectations about how frequently you want to chat, then you should communicate that instead of bailing without even canceling.
If you want to chat more often or confirm a date, why don't you ask how I'm doing? Why don't you suggest a place to meet, especially if you have restrictions on where you can go? I am so frustrated to feel like I was carrying the conversation and doing the majority of the effort and initiating, but you complaining that I did not text enough, I feel so angry and disrespected. My own needs to rest and focus on work are important. I work long hours and haven't gotten enough sleep. You shared that you weren't feeling well but didn't reciprocate asking how I was doing or if I might be struggling as well.
If you had asked me some questions and maybe actually asked how I was doing, I would have told you I was also tired and not feeling well.
I don't think this is going to work. I honestly felt really hurt and disrespected that you would make other plans without asking if we were still hanging out. It felt really unfair to me to complain that I didn't text you enough when I felt most of the conversations were initiated by and me and you didn't make any effort to ask me questions. You could have initiated texting me if you wanted to talk more. You could have suggested a place to meet. I've dated someone else who didn't have a car and it was exhausting to always be the one to drive. I don't really want to drive far away for a connection where the effort is already not mutual.
I don't think this is going to work. I honestly felt really hurt and disrespected that you would make other plans without asking if we were still hanging out. It felt really unfair to me to complain that I didn't text you enough when I felt most of the conversations were initiated by and me and you didn't make any effort to ask me questions. You could have initiated texting me if you wanted to talk more. You could have suggested a place to meet. I've dated someone else who didn't have a car and it was exhausting to always be the one to drive. I don't really want to drive far away for a connection where the effort is already not mutual.
