Day's One Line A Day

Today went okay, long day, wish I had someone to hold me and care for me but not talk a lot at the end of the day. Dinner with M went well, felt like she was nice and would like to connect with her again. should I try to connect with work people another time? techs from hockessin? I think I got ghosted by doctor guy. I am disappointed and feel sad about that. Would like to take some steps about the career stuff this week if I can, maybe thursday. need to get some sleep today. meetup chat seems to be helping me. what do I do about not knowing where I want to stay and who I will stay with. I feel like a bad person for connecting with people just to leave them but I want to be adventurous and pursue my goals and I'm doing my best.

I am doing ok. felt like a bit of an off day in terms of apointments got a bit crazy. have a harder time working with A. surgery went well, want to keep doing more, need to find the uterus. not sure about my dating life. happy to have plans with bailey. do I want to try to open up to her more? share about my situation with my fam? try to take a step about career goals maybe by saturday at latest.

Doing okay today, nice to see Bailey and chill. I'm anxious to trg to open up to her more. I was able to tell her about dating a bit. I feel like I want to open to her about my parents but I rely on her to ask me. A bit overstimulated with so many plans. I need to try to send one email tomorrow after work or after movie.

I am doing okay. Surgery day was slow but got to close the skin and one tooth, frustrating that they don't let me do much on surgery days. Still need to email Brandywine spca and try to make car appointment for Oct 25th probably.

I feel anxious about next steps for my career, whether to do another exotics internship for the next year but what about other possibilities like applying for research opportunities or labs to work in? Maybe if I did residency I could work at a vet school and do research? Or work in a lab? Or continue work part time and try to collaborate?

I am feeling slightly overwhelmed by things with M like the relationship is moving fast because he is very excited about me and I want more space and to take things more slowly and low pressure. He invited me to a party for Halloween but that is also the day of the ren faire. I could get to ren faire at like 3:15pm hopefully, stay til 5, then go to party later. Will be long day for me.

I'm more introverted than you. I sometimes need more alone time to rest and recharge. I can get overwhelmed by too much socializing in a row. I'd rather rest and feel like I can be more present with you when I feel more up to it. We are doing a lot of messaging but I may want more space between chats especially when I'm at work.

I am anxious about the match program and how to balance that with my new relationship. I have some local options on there. But also while I like him and enjoy spending time with him, I'm not sure if he's someone I want to be with long term or that I'm really ready for a serious long term relationship. I feel like I will do 1 more internship then apply for Illinois and Cornell residencies maybe NC state? and consider Phd programs or jobs if I don't get into those. I feel like at that point I will try to keep dating and trying to explore my sexuality and will consider a long term relationship when I've gotten to that point of either the residency or phd or job situation more figured out and stay in that location longer term or at least find someone who would help me brainstorm a long term place to be like east coast vs so cal and arizona area are places I consider. At least I have some places I ideally don't want to go to. It's so hard to feel like I might disappoint him, but what I want and need is just as valid. I probably will need to have a conversation with him at some point.

Hi, I think maybe you should try to cook more and learn how to cook more. It's frustrating for me if we want to cook more stuff together, I think it would be easier if you practice some more on your own. You can look up recipes, order meal kits like Hello Fresh, etc.

You know how we talked about gender roles and sharing chores? I think you should work on learning how to cook more. I mean I am happy to help you a little but I get frustrated a little with some skills I feel like your parents should have taught you in terms of cooking and cleaning but might not have because you're a guy. and I want to also feel supported and not like I have to always be the role of more responsible or type A person. I generally try to be kind and am happy to teach you some things, but I don't like feeling like I am in the role of teaching things your parents should have taught you, because it makes me feel lonely and frustrated because I need support and help too.

Feeling a lot of seasonal depression, dealing with family no contact stuff, haven't been able to see my therapist, she doesn't have availability. Boyfriend is nice but got on my nerves last time because he doesn't know how to cook and kind of acted like a manchild when I was already feeling lonely and unsupported and I need somebody who can be there for me and help me with things not have to act like his parent. I wanted to tell him more about my family stuff and how I'm feeling. He didn't really ask follow up questions. I am also starting to get turned off certain times like him not cooking or kind of acting a bit clueless and dumb and i don't feel supported or understood.