Day's One Line A Day
Frustrated that I made mistakes on neuro hw. I still got an A on it though. It's ok to make mistakes. Always feel lonely and sad before I go to bed. I went to support group today but it's so hard to share things there sometimes. I try to tell myself I am doing my best to show up and share a little more each time.
I would like to think about it and have a conversation more openly, by phone preferably since you'll be gone for so long, or in person when you get back. I would appreciate a heads up beforehand if you want a longer amount of alone time instead of radio silence. I consider things to be casual and am not really ready for something long term anyway, as I am prioritizing exploring my bisexual identity and have been chatting with women as well rn. However, I do think that working on communication skills is important in general for everyone even if it's only short term so that everyone feels respected.
I feel all kinds of feelings about this whole situation and about M too. About M is just feel pure pure contempt. For him being a manchild, a slob, used to other people taking care of responsibilities for him. Claiming he's progressive but still viewing women as feminine little servants who will eventually cook for him, clean up after him and pop out some children, while he does the hard work of "Taking the lead" when I'm literally an effing doctor. When I handle difficult situations every day. When I've worked so hard to be treated with respect, to be seen as an equal.
Can I even go through with trying to sleep with him when I feel so anxious and have really lost trust in him. If I feel not into it or unsafe, I will be gone in two months. I'm no longer driving back to see him. I;m no longer considering staying in touch and see if we get back together down the road. Not for a man who disappears for a week, who doesn't plan dates, who doesn't tell me beforehand what time we're meeting and cancels at the last minute. I can't drive 2 hours for somebody who cancels last minute, doesn't plan, doesn't give a time or place where we're meeting beforehand, and basically makes me plan because he avoids planning... like idk. I am concerned about this comment about "I thought you knew I was traveling" as being manipulative.
I hate this man so much. The way he said that it's a turn off that a woman is too ambitious and does not support the family enough is wild from a man who refuses to learn to cook and suggests for him to clean more in his home are met with defensiveness, manipulation, and blaming. How. f dare you. The amount of pure rage that filled my soul. Does it suck that we maybe were not compatible, whatever. But I just feel pure rage that he thinks it's ok to treat women this way and will keep doing it. He may meet a woman who wants to have kids and he will fffing exhaust her. He will ruin her whole life. I know in my whole soul she will be stuck cleaning up after him, organizing and caring the mental load and cooking for the whole family.
But I know I already tried to talk to him and he refuses to listen and remains defensive. Do I expect him to listen and admit he's in the wrong? To be like yes I'll go learn to cook, because I already tried that. Is my goal to raise awareness to other men that are more open to it maybe? What about finding a safe space and safe people to express my anger with? Maybe just nailing him and trying to go off and hold men accountable?? I don't know. I think maybe I will reflect on that take a breath and can consider.
What is frustrating in 2026 is that men are less likely to be like "get in the kitchen woman" but they are being sexist in quieter ways by saying "I just don't care about cleaning as much as you" "I just don't value cooking as much as you" when this still reflects unconscious views that women are domestic slaves, that you have no problem exhausting and using a woman for free labor and have the audacity in the same breath to say you care about her. Men who say they are liberal and care about woman's rights but still won't learn how to cook, clean or go to therapy, who are progressive until a woman in front of them is giving them feedback and then they get defensive and refuse to effing listen to her. If you view yourself as a liberal man who supports womens' rights, the first thing you should do is take a hard honest look in the darn mirror. I think we deserve to feel angry about this. No human being deserves to be exploited and treated as a servant who exists to serve men and children. Both men and woman have every right to pursue their own career, passions, hobbies, etc. and plenty of women are making more money and evidence supports that women are better in many fields including being better doctors with better patient outcomes so cut the bs that men still are the default providers. Sure different couples have different dynamics, some want to have kids, some woman want to be stay at home moms, but that needs to be a choice and not a default because men are still stuck in 1950s looking for a trad wife.
No, you ar***hole, I have been heartbroken and depressed, because you ghosted me for a week and really showed me you're an unreliable person with a lot of issues.
No, you hurt me a lot and I have been upset.
No, treating people like this generally impacts people negatively. Seems like you couldn't consider the impact of your behavior at all.
Let's meet here at 3:30pm. I just want it to be set, but I'm not going to plan more dates. I have been quite shhh, as ghosting me hurt me and impacted me quite a lot.
Let's meet at 3:30pm at Russell peterson. I've been quite hurt angry and sad and have not been doing well.
No, man, I have been hurt angry and sad since this happened. Let's plan for 3:30pm at xyz.
I feel so lonely and sad knowing I started really liking him and he turned out to be a huge disappointment before we could even start, even k or anything. I just don't really know what I want to do but I am tired of chasing immature men who show no accountability, who pull you in just to torture you. Does he even care how this impacted me or just focused on him self pulling away and hurting me to protect himself. So many red flags, won't plan a date, won't talk, disappears for two weeks no explanation, just expecting me to read his mind that he's not ghosting me. Ghosts me for 6 months and wants to shoot his shot again but it's my fault for moving on with my life and pursuing opportunities. sorry for not stopping my life for men I know I can never effing count on. I could have kept seeing him, driven up, meeting half way for coffee, maybe an open relationship or get back together after, but he's just not there, no self awareness, not actively working on himself... I just feel so *** lonely that I can never trust these people
What about falling in love with a girl, would I be open to that.
1. Expressing that this behavior or ghosting for about a week hurt me, as I could not tell if he was just ghosting to break up with me or what was happening. How did I feel: sad, angry, hurt, confused. I have experienced prior people like Stephanie who did this after few months, so unfortunately it's fully a possibility that with no information, I can't tell. It's also brings up personal issues of my own trust issues that I don't find it easy to trust people and felt really hurt and let down by somebody I thought was interested in me.
2. The importance of communication, giving a heads up before hand makes a huge difference, if he said he wanted to focus on studying for a certain number of days, but let's plan for the weekend after or something. I am concerned about how this dynamic might look if we saw each other for longer, as he seems to have some anxiety and avoidance around communication, like avoiding planning dates ahead and not wanting to talk on the I'm not sure how this would work for more time if both of us wanted to travel or sometimes yes wanted space, there needs to be an ability to communicate so I feel respected and not abandoned.
3. I previously felt like we really clicked and was open to considering making the commute and meeting half way or considering moving back or even just staying connected to be friends and support each other, but I feel too hurt and have lost a sense of trust that I could count on him if I tried to do those things. There are several yellow flags that he struggles with avoidance and communication issues, that I don't think I could tolerate long term without him really working on himself. I think the ball is in his court if he wants to spend time with me as casual dates, he will need to take the initiative to plan and execute them, and I do not plan to be exclusive as it hurts me too much to give more to someone I can't rely on.
4. I want to ask if he has gone to any therapy before and whether he would consider it, not even for our relationship, but because I feel a huge sense of anger hurt and resentment from dealing with men with untreated issues who hurt the women they try to date because of untreated issues. I feel that some of his anxieties and communication issues make it hard for a relationship to even start, even if I wanted to, and he can easily repeat these patterns and hurt other people in the future. Mostly I feel frustrated with the lack of self awareness and accountability from men, because they avoid therapy and it's tiring to feel like as I woman I have to carry the emotional labor of the relationship because men have not worked on themselves and built skills around communication and healing from their attachment issues. I'm not sure that I could feel supported by him emotionally in his current state.
What are the main points:
1. How I felt hurt by this, how it raised old wounds of struggling to trust people feeling like I can't rely on anyone. Feeling sad and hurt that I opened up to him and he let me down.
2. Importance of working on communication skills, giving a heads up makes a world of different. Being willing to figure out a compromise to stay in touch a little bit whether that's sending a few pictures or a quick phone call for ten minutes
3. My concerns for what this would like like longer term, how it changes my initial feelings, that I was open to commuting and continuing in a certain capacity or maybe staying friends, but I am concerned about his communication and feel like I couldn't rely on him. If he wants to see me casually, he will need to take the lead to plan that. I am not willing to be exclusive and have already started talking to other people.
4. My concern that he needs to go to therapy to work on some of these issues, 99.99% of the time of unhealed trauma. The anger and resentment I feel as I woman dating a lot of men who avoid going to therapy and hurt and mistreat their partners as a result and put it on women to carry a lot of emotional labor and act as a free therapist with a man who is also mistreating them. It's hard to feel like my needs would be met unless the other person takes responsiblity for that work themselves.
I feel kind of okay like we made progress in understanding each other. I didn't know he saw me as not being interested. I felt the opposite like I was very attracted to him, very interested in him. I just feel overwhelmed and need to be approached slowly. I really really like you but because of past experiences, I need to be approached gently and slowly, I am open to more frequent contact when some trust has developed and I feel more safe.
The hard part is bringing up counseling and him feeling like he doesn't have anything to work on. But he did say he will try to work on communication. I am still not sure that we want the same things long term but I would like to have a friendship, and want to see if he would be open to that, open to a phone call or visit as a friend
I want to connect with him, but I am still anxious about the issues...like him not willing to work on planning ahead or make calls...he still seems stuck in those things. he was also defensive/ it's frustrating that he wanted me to respect his space but he took mine personally and saw it as not being interested. but to me him not planning shows a lack of interest because he's not willing to make the effort to plan ahead to see me...
I want to edit the story and send it to him and then maybe take time to do my puzzle and stuff and go to bed early. I really need to send the navle scores also and do a lot of stuff, try to submit the ce. look for apartments