Chat between reservedowl321 and @akunknown
Please don't read or respond if you aren't the people listed above
Hi @akunknown I hope it is ok to create a penpal thread. Would you like to chat here? I'll warn you I can be slow to respond sometimes and worry, but I think I'm a pretty good penpal. How is your day going?
@reservedOwl321
Hey @reservedowl321. For sure it’s ok to create a penpal thread. Thank you so much for doing that. Now we can chat about anything here and keep it between us if there’s anything personal. So yeah I’d definitely love to chat here with you anytime.
Thank you for your warning too but honestly no worries about being slow to respond. I’m patient enough to wait until there’s a response and when there is, I’ll read it and go from there :)
My day has been all good. Thanks for asking. Hopefully your day has been going just as good if not better. Hugs ❤️❤️
Hi @akunknown I hope it is ok to create a penpal thread. Would you like to chat here? I'll warn you I can be slow to respond sometimes and worry, but I think I'm a pretty good penpal. How is your day going?
@akunknown
I remember your name from the forums, and have appreciated your comments from what I remember. Thanks for accepting this. I'm not sleeping well lately, so I'm up late (for me) this evening. May I ask what does your username stand for? Just wondering.
@reservedOwl321
Wow! Great memory skills there! Thanks so much for appreciating my comments. I put a lot of thinking into them before I actually start typing and posting them.
Oh no I’m very sorry to hear that you aren’t sleeping well. Do you know what’s causing you to not sleep well?? If not I highly recommend you visit a sleep specialist and talk with them about your situation as they helped me when I wasn’t sleeping well last year. Once you know the causes you can start working on trying solutions till you find one that works well for you and gets you back to sleeping well like you deserve to
So ak is just two random letters put together and if the username does stand for something it’s unknown, even to me what it stands for as I haven’t figured it out yet. But I promise you that if I ever figure out what it stands for you’ll be one of those here who’ll know.
Speaking of usernames, I love yours and was curious about what your username stands for if you don’t mind telling me. But it’s totally ok if you don’t.
@akunknown That's interesting. I thought AK was Alaska so maybe a place. (One that is unknown to me as I have never been to Alaska.) If you don[t mind me asking are you US based or from another country? I am from the US, but I have traveled abroad some.
When I signed up I was asked questions and given the recommendation of ReservedOwl. Probably because I tend to be a pretty reserved person and I like reading. Hopefully Owl doesn't have a negative connotation to you. I just changed the random numbers to 321 so I could remember them. It can be a struggle for me to decide on a name (that's not already taken), so I was relieved to have a decent one picked out for me.
Thanks for the recommendation of going to a sleep specialist. I actually have a CPAP for sleep, but I don't find the mask and everything helpful at all. Maybe I have had too much caffeine throughout the day I don't know, but going to more specialists tends to stress me out more. I hope I can give them back the CPAP! I have a pretty busy schedule as I am a working mother. I work part-time, but the schedule can be full-time sometimes.
I don't know much about you, can you tell me a little about yourself if you feel comfortable to share?
@reservedOwl321
Ha! No ak has absolutely nothing to do with Alaska. Not right now anyway. Maybe it’ll have a connection to the name once I visit there which I hope to one day.
No negativity with owls for me, not at all. I actually love owls. They remind me of bats for some reason. And that’s a really cool story about your name! I thought your name was based on you being a reserved person and you loving owls haha! Love your reason for the 321 part of your name. Very smart!
Yes too much caffeine can ruin your sleep regardless of what you do or use to get better sleep. Try to lessen your caffeine intake or try not to have caffeine one day and see if either of those ways helps you get better sleep. Melatonin helps with sleep too as I take melatonin pills (not medication) every night and it helps me fall asleep. From there it’s up to me to stay asleep so I train myself to do that and with enough patience I’ll get there. I don’t consume caffeine either so that helps me sleep too.
As for being stressed with going to more specialists, yeah I used to feel that way too but that changed once I found the right specialist for me and what I needed. I feel like it might be the same thing with you. Maybe you haven’t been to the right specialist(s) to help you get more and better sleep. Once you do I think it’s best to continue with that specialist and stop going to the other ones. It’s like a trial and error or experiment with different sleep specialists till you find the one that works best for you. That’s just how I did it when I had sleep problems some years back.
A little about myself…hmmm let’s see. I’m a kind, caring, respectful, responsible, helpful, empathetic person. Some people here have described me as a kind person. I love listening to all kinds of music (I mean who doesn’t like music right??) so I don’t have a favorite genre. What I would listen to depends on my mood or what my current music taste is.
I'm slow to respond. I have good news. I did get good sleep last night. Honestly, I can't remember if I told you that already or not, but I just wanted to make sure that I responded. Tomorrow is a new day. We'll see if I get sleep tonight or not. Where I live it takes a long time to get into a specialist, so I will have to wait to hear from the sleep doctor. I have had two surgeries in the last several months, and I made a spreadsheet just to help me keep up!
I appreciate you helping me find my way around by commenting on some of my posts and all. The notifications tend to be a lot for me, and sometimes I don't always seem to see notifications for posts I thought I posted. Have you had a similar experience?
Oh and for music, I don't really have a favorite either. I had started to listen to some reggae music and Island music in the last few years. I'm tired and hopefully I'll get some sleep tonight.
@reservedOwl321
Take all the time you want or need to respond. It’s all good. I’m patient, no problem with that. So no need to worry yourself, rush yourself, or pressure yourself to respond as quickly as possible if you’re doing any of these to yourself, please don’t if you are. It’s ok.
I’m very happy that you had good sleep last night. That’s not only good news. It’s great news! Hoping it happens again tonight.
I’m sorry for mentioning sleep specialists as I did not know that getting a specialist takes a long time where you’re currently living. Had I known that I truly don’t know if I would have mentioned it or not but that’s only bc mentioning it to you was one of my ways of helping you by providing you with helpful advice and information
Great job and smart of you to start a spreadsheet to help you out. Keep updating it whenever an update comes whether it’s good or bad, big/significant or small/doesn’t feel important enough to add bc any and all updates are important and should be added to update things like your spreadsheet. I’m really proud of you for doing this!
Of course. It’s been a great pleasure of mine to comment on your posts (threads as I like to call them haha) Honestly I do not remember having that same experience you mentioned having or having a similar experience here yet. But who knows what the future holds right? It may happen to me sometime someday in the future and then again maybe it may not happen. I guess we’ll just have to wait and see. If there’s anyone you can reach out and talk to about this to help you out if it’s a problem for you, I recommend checking if there’s anyone you can connect and talk to directly to help you solve it as soon as possible.
That’s cool. I’ve listened to some reggae though not a lot and certainly not enough to be familiar with reggae musicians but I absolutely did enjoy what I heard.
I’m also extremely very painfully shy, have been for most of or my entire life. Here it’s ok bc I’m not actually talking to anyone but rather just typing comments to people which is ok for me, Talking on the phone whether it’s a regular call or a video call and especially talking to someone in person is where the shyness comes in especially if it’s more than one person. I’m only mentioning this bc your username has the word “reserved” in it and that word is typically used by people to describe people who are shy. If you don’t mind me asking and it’s ok if you’re not comfortable answering this question but are you shy too?? It’s completely ok and fine whether you are or aren’t as there’s nothing wrong at all with being shy which is normal.
It's been a long day today. I still have to update my medical spreadsheet. How did your day go? Which is a typical day look like for you. If I can ask? I work from home and am pretty busy at certain times of the month and year. January is very busy for me. I appreciate you being so patient.
That is interesting that you told me you are shy. I was very shy growing up, so I can relate. I have some social anxiety as well. What have you found helps you with your shyness? Even though I was shy when I was younger when I got older I kind of got to where I don't care what other people think as much anymore. It's really hard though, I think I am an HSP and I'm very sensitive.
I have to get to bed. I did get get good sleep and hopefully I will get more good sleep tonight.
@reservedOwl321
My day went great. Thanks for asking. I appreciate that. I don’t have “typical days.” Before sleeping I make a planned list for the next day and a few backup plans in case Plan A doesn’t work out for whatever reasons. For me planning my next days in advance lowers or completely takes away my stress which allows me to free my mind and have better + more sleep each night. I don’t live a so called “normal” life and I’m all good with that bc as long as I’m happy and healthy I don’t care if my life is society’s version of what normal is or not. Society doesn’t seem to understand, realize, respect, accept or care about the obvious fact that everyone’s different meaning what works or is normal for one person or some people doesn’t mean it’ll work or be normal for everyone who’s living on this Earth. They still expect everyone or at least everyone they know to live the same way, have the same interests, hobbies, beliefs, etc but that’s unfair and isn’t kind to others.
I feel like the ultimate way to help me is by achieving my #1 goal right now which is not living with any or most of my family members anymore. Not bc I hate them which I absolutely don’t. But bc my shyness actually began with them babying me, treating and seeing me as a helpless toddler all the time who they believe needs everything to always be done for me or that I always need to be told, supervised, micromanaged, monitored by someone to do things.
None of that is true and despite them knowing that they still don’t care enough to use that knowledge to change their minds about me. So instead of staying and keep suffering and struggling and all that the best thing I can do is leave and not come back. Not until they completely accept and respect me the way I literally am. And yes I’ve told them this already more than once before so they know.
The way they treat me which is only based on how they think of me, not actual facts, which results in me not being able to do anything or never do anything by myself leads to me not having any confidence in myself which causes shyness and whatever forms of anxiety I have if any though I haven’t been officially diagnosed yet as having any anxieties or symptoms of any anxiety.
As for being a highly sensitive person and being very sensitive, that’s me too. Idk how it affects you or anyone else but for me it’s most likely why I take everything personal or seriously, get easily offended a lot, get easily distracted, in addition to many other things that are daily for me.
Good for you! I’m glad you had good sleep again. Looks like you might have started a good sleep loop and I hope you got good sleep last night and that it happens again tonight too. ❤️❤️❤️
I hear you about wanting to be independent. I moved out of my parents home when I was 17 years old and waitressed to help make ends meet. Of course that was a long time ago. It is commendable you are able to live on your own at least in my area these days. I appreciate you opening up about this. As far as being babied that sounds really hard. It is really respectable that you are determined to live independently and that you have stuck up for yourself with them.
I like that you make your list the night before. It sounds like you are a very organized person.
I listened to the HSP book several years ago. I need to listen to it again. I really internalize and wonder what is wrong with me first when I hear negative comments that may or may not be directed at me. Then I seem to do what I would call hating on myself. I never seem to be good enough for me. I need to follow more of the not conforming to societal norms myself, maybe that would help me.
I am enjoying this conversation. Opening up is hard for me, but you are easier to talk to. May I ask why do you think your parents babied you? I hope you have a good evening or day. It is evening here now.
@reservedOwl321
Negative comments are usually from others who are angry or upset or unhappy about something and are using a “platform” to direct their comments or should I more accurately just say their complaints on to. People always comment/complain negatively about me but I learned these are people who are never happy no matter what so no matter how much good I do or how much I please them or meet or even exceed their expectations they’ll never ever be happy. So I just told myself one day that “instead of making unhappy people happy who will never be happy, prioritize yourself and do what is right, best, and healthy for you bc this is you and this is your life” and since then that’s what I’ve been doing.
Before that I used to hate on myself and ask what’s wrong with me, what am I doing wrong or what am I not doing that I’m supposed to, and other questions like that, basically blame and/or guilt trip myself all the time by that was a long time ago and I've stopped which I am very proud of myself for bc I realized nothing’s wrong with me, I’m not doing anything wrong, I am doing everything I’m supposed to but just at my own pace and there’s nothing wrong with that, and I hope the same thing happens with you one day but naturally like it happened with me ❤️
The reason why it seems like you’re not good enough for you is honestly bc you’re better than just good enough which is only the standard or average level but you’re way above that level and I know that after exchanging chats with you on this penpal chat thread. So do yourself a much needed favor and go easy on yourself ❤️
And yes, not following societal norms and not being a society conformist will most definitely help you a lot. While I’m not gonna pressure or force you into doing anything I highly recommend you at least try living this way for a while and see if and how well it works out for you ❤️
Wow! Thank you so very much for saying that I’m easier to talk to! I love and appreciate that a lot ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
I’ve been having a great past 4 days and my day today has been going good so far.
As for why I think my parents babied me, well it’s not just my parents but my entire family and they all are still babying me. Why? Here’s some of the reasons I can think of:
- I’m the youngest in my family
- They don’t have any faith or belief or trust in me that I can do certain things by myself and without being told to or monitored by others and ask for help if and when I need it
- They refuse to change themselves despite expecting me to change just so their own experiences with me would in their own minds be much better than they’ve ever been
Those are the top reasons why they keep babying me all the time
Thank you for your kind words 💜💜💜. You might be right, but I'm not trying to compare myself to others. I don't think it is a competition or anything. If anything I am comparing myself to where I think I should be for whatever reason. It's just that it is easier said than done to go easy on myself. I will try not to be hard on myself though. (On AKUnknown's recommendation 😊)
I have been so busy this past week, and expect to be super busy the next few weeks, so if I am slow to respond, that is why. I will have free time after these next three weeks I expect and hope!
I'm glad your days have been going well. Did you get snow where you are at can I ask? All the schools hare are closed tomorrow, but I work from home so I still have to work.
It's good that you have some communication with your parents about the way you are feeling. It sounds like you are good at standing up for yourself. I imagine it is hard with the family dynamic. Do you think babying is common with others your age? Things have changed a lot since I was growing up. Kids cannot even play outside without a "playdate" and approved friends that kind of thing. I don't know if you were in the same situation, but when I was growing up it was more of a go out and play and be home by dark. Coordinating kids friendships is a challenge for me.
What do you like to do for fun? You say you don't follow norms, how are you different if I can ask?
@reservedOwl321
Hahaha that’s fair enough. I understand. And I’m glad you’re not comparing yourself to others and are trying not to be hard on yourself (on my recommendation haha!)
Oh no worries about that my friend. All good. No problem. If I may ask, what are you busy with?
I’m in super bad winter conditions right now so I too may be slow to respond for that reason bc weather will affect my internet connection. I know I’m replying back to your recent comment late for a reason I have no control over but I am still very sorry for replying back this late. Once weather is better or better yet back to normal hopefully the internet connection will be too allowing me to reply to you earlier.
Oh I’m sorry you have to work. And yes I’ve gotten snow and had to shovel it for multiple days in a row. That’s no fun haha! But playing in the snow especially with kids is always fun! We put my 1 year old niece in a container bin and tied a rope around her so we can keep her inside while we rolled her around the snow and omg she loved it so much! Made me so happy to see her enjoying herself and having fun!!
Yeah I guess maybe it is good. But it’s not really going anywhere for me so it may end since it just seems like I’m just wasting my time talking to people who don’t listen to me and ignore me whenever I’m around them especially my stepdad who’s been ignoring me completely all the time, doesn’t look at me, doesn’t say hi, nothing as if I’m not there or don’t exist. He disrespected me by disrespectfully saying some cruel harsh things about me in front of me but not directly to me as if I wasn’t there despite being straight across from him. He feels he should have respect or be respected and treated fairly despite mistreating me and not giving me any respect. It just doesn’t work that way.
No I don’t believe babying is common or anywhere near common with others my age, at least not with others who are from the same era or generation as I am.
By saying I don’t follow norms I just meant I’m not like everyone else. Many people are social or societal conformists. I’m not a conformist. I was just never that way. It was never me. Simple as that. There’s definitely other non conformist people out there I’m not saying I’m the only one.
@akunknown No worries about having internet connection issues. I thought maybe I was boring you, but no biggie take as long as you need. If you don’t want to chat I understand too. We got snow too that iced over and school has been out for over a week now. Thank goodness i haven’t been the one shoveling/chopping it up! That is a lot of work. Do you have a large area to clean up or did the snow just keep coming? It is good exercise though. When I was young I loved to push mow grass and would be ok with shoveling snow for exercise (I just don’t like the cold!!) Do you like to drink hot drinks? I am loving anything warm these days!
That sound so fun to play with your niece and watch her enjoy the snow! 1 year olds are fun, and the kids tend to be so happy and sweet! I’m glad you had that experience.
What I am busy with other than work would be IEP Meetings for my daughter who is getting into a private placement. We seem to always have a meeting. Then I am the treasurer for an association and I volunteered to prepare taxes on weekends. I needed to get out since I work from home. I was also going to start a business, but am not sure I’ll be able to commit to this now, and I have a ton of doctor appointments several of which are an hour out of town. I have gotten really sick I think because of the stress. Sorry to unload. It has been a lot at once in January, but life will calm down the end of February at least a little. I probably overextended myself and am definitely not taking on any more responsibility unless it is paid this year!! I have been in a book club for a while now and I have had so much going on that reading my book is stressful (I mean it is supposed to be fun right??) I like to keep busy though. I think I sort of have a fear of sitting still if that is possible. So well.. you asked.
I’m sorry your stepdad is treating you like this and am glad you got out and separated yourself from this. Is your relationship with your mother better?
I can understand not conforming to norms. I might try, but as an introvert I am usually pretty content just doing my own thing. I never really felt like I fit in with any particular group, and at this point I am ok with that. I actually started listening to a book called Let Them this morning and I like where it is going. Have you heard of it? Do you read or listen to books much? I love non-fiction motivational and business titles. When you say non-conformist maybe it is my generation, but I think of things like tattoos and earrings that kind of thing. Is that what you mean if I can ask? Maybe I’m way off track. Fun fact about me… I don’t have any tattoos btw which I have learned is a very weird thing these days. I never wanted one. (Do you find that strange?)
This is getting long, but so I can get a better feel for who I am talking to, can you describe yourself? What is your age group and I don’t even know if you are a guy or a girl, but maybe that is not something you prefer to talk about and if so its all good.
Stay warm and take care…
Bumping. I have not been around for a few weeks as I was not well but wanted to check on you @akunknown
@reservedOwl321
Hey what’s up?? Thanks so much for checking in on me. That’s mighty kind of you my friend ❤️ I haven’t been feeling well myself lately either. But I’ve still appeared whenever I was able to instead of staying away although I completely understand why some people stay away when they’re not well.
I’m so sorry to hear that about you too. Hope you’re feeling well or are your way there now. If you don’t mind may I ask what exactly happened to you that caused you to not be well these past few weeks?
For me I was injured. A wild rageful family drama incident happened a few weeks ago that eventually led to me being taken down aggressively by one of the household members who was just trying to assess the situation and minimize the damage without being sure about what I was gonna do or how I would do it so he took me down to the hard floor. As a result my right shoulder and right knee were injured but are both in the recovery process now. My nose was bleeding and broken and I had to go to the ER twice for scans the first time and the second time to get the stitches they put on removed. But now my nose is completely healed. Just a cut or whatever it is on the middle of the nose in between the eyes but I’m sure that’ll eventually disappear completely or so the ER doctors said.
As for not being here, I’m more worried about Tinywhisper than anyone else to be honest bc she’s been missing from here the longest, longer than anyone else. Idk what’s going on there but I’m hoping everything’s good and she’ll be back sooner than later or whenever she feels like coming back.
@akunknown
Oh no, I’m so sorry to hear about the fight with your family. Prayers that you heal and don’t have to go through that ever again! This sounds very scary. I appreciate you opening up to me about it friend.
I wish I could say more about what happened with me, but I don’t feel comfortable opening up quite yet. It started with some adult cyber bullying sadly, and also my working too much. Unfortunately I didn’t have any access to 7cups during this time or too much of any support system and it was hard. I missed my online friends and the support from this site. I will say that I have started the process of reaching out to a listener I feel comfortable with. I have not done this much yet. Do you talk with listeners? I have been careful not to reach out to the wrong person, hopefully I will have luck with those who I have reached out to.
I don’t know TinyWhisper that well, but have seen her posts. I know she used to post a lot. Maybe she is going through something private and didn’t feel she could share. I hope she is ok also.
I thought you were on your own now. How were you in this situation? Consider keeping more distance between you and your family! My father was not abusive, but was emotionally abusive and we are now estranged as i cannot handle his treatment of myself. It is not easy, but I am at peace with it.
How are you dealing with the aftermath of this attack, and how are you doing now? Please feel free to share with me anything you are comfortable to share, and i am really glad you responded to me!
@reservedOwl321
Yes I had a listener back when I first joined this site but once I realized the listener wasn’t helpful I stopped. It’s possible I didn’t have the right listener for me. I might try it again at some point as I’ve started giving some thought into trying it out again.
I’m trying to be more on my own but these problematic family members don’t let me do anything by myself. They call me out whether I do something or don’t do anything bc to them I’m always wrong no matter what. I’m dealing with the aftermath of this situation by keeping my distance as much as possible from them as I can.
@akunknown Hello. I'm still here. I was planning on answering you when I got on a computer, but then I never pulled out the larger device. Honestly, I just haven't been feeling like doing much lately. Anyway, I'm on my phone. Just wanted to let you know that I'm here to support you and to listen.
It's hard separating from people you love, especially if they have problems themselves. It sounds kind of like an attachment thing or codependency for them. 🤗 Hugs! How are you feeling now? Do you have any plans for this weekend? I hope things are going in a more positive direction and you are able to get some space!
I plan to attend an art journaling support group here shortly for people with a similar movement disorder disability as I have. A medical professional referred me to this group, so hopefully it will be a helpful group!
@reservedOwl321
Hello. Thanks for your support and your kind willingness to listen. Please know that I am here to support and listen to you too ❤️
It’s actually more like being too overprotective of me but at the same time telling me not through words but through their constant actions that they do not trust me, believe in me, and believe that I’m smart and capable to live independently and do things myself. This mindset leads them to do everything for me and believe they’re helping me and supporting me by doing everything for me. They want and expect me to be kind, respectful, appreciative, loving to them when they’re not any of those things to me.
As for weekend plans idk about Sunday but tomorrow looks like listening to music and relaxing while my sister is out for the day if she’s still going out.
I’m unfortunately not able to get some space except when I’m sleeping haha but this just motivates me to move into my own place and live independently my own way under my own rules as fast as possible but of course at my own pace without rushing it.
Joining an art journaling support group is great! I’m real happy for you and proud of you for doing this! I’m hopeful it helps you and you enjoy it and even make new friends there! Good luck with that my friend! Lmk how it goes ❤️
@reservedOwl321
Hey! What’s up dude? Haven’t heard from you in a while so just checking in and seeing how you are. That’s what friends do after all :) Hope everything’s good with you.
How’s that art journaling support group going? Are you still part of that group?
Hello,
@akunknown
I appreciate you reaching out. I haven't been online or on my phone as much lately. I'm here. Not really doing a lot. I really appreciate the support group and am learning a lot. Sorry I've been so quiet. I'll try to be better at responding. How are things going with you and with the family? Do you do anything for Easter? We are going out for dinner.