Gentle Space
mossyfrets
June 1st
@FenrirWolf
Glad you said yes to be pen pals. I will avoid the group chats and instead use this space to stay in touch and talk whenever with safe connections✨
Thanks
FenrirWolf
June 1st
Hi @mossyfrets, I appreciate you wanting to be pen pals. 🙂
I hope you're doing okay, take your time and be well, stepping back can be a healthy choice and I hope it helps.
Take care of yourself
10 replies
Thanks, doing lot of grounding and running so that's been helpful. How have you been?
9 replies
FenrirWolf
June 2nd
That is good to hear, @mossyfrets. Exercise is especially good for regulating, keeping busy and healthy. How far do you typically run?
I'm still ough, just working through what I can, and need to increase on the positives.
Have you done any more artwork lately, or have anything planned?
I'm still ough, just working through what I can, and need to increase on the positives.
Have you done any more artwork lately, or have anything planned?
8 replies
Usually around 10–12 km. I've been swimming a fair bit once a week while visiting my folk. Both of these activity and watching LOTR trilogy have been keeping me sane lately.
I've had a pretty anxious and hypervigilant throughout the month of April and May, so it's been nice to have something that gets me out of my head for a while. I am also planning for a hike around end of July so that gives me something to look forward to.
I have done some sketch here and there - https://ibb.co/0ppCBpbN, https://ibb.co/VcHKw6Fx, https://ibb.co/Kjf75XWR, https://ibb.co/4nyyCsFm
Most of my energy has gone into processing my own feelings and trying to let go of unhealthy dynamic. My main goal for this month is to focus on what's within my control i.e. looking after my own health, sleep and feeding good things to my curious brain 1)Metacognition, 2) overlaps between data centre and impact on environment, and 3) AI, therapy, philosophy and mental health (:
Other than that, been working on making two version of healthy ground jackfruit seed recipe for toast spread lol I'm bored of butter, jam and marmalade
@FenrirWolf - Have you been doing any art or something else?
7 replies
FenrirWolf
June 3rd
That's a great distance @mossyfrets, I'm still working up to running 10km again, swimming is awesome exercise as well.
Nice, awesome choice of movies, there's a lot to unpack in the lore and backstories which the movies only lightly touch on as well if you're looking for more to occupy your mind. Speaking of LOTR and art, do you like the concept sketches and drawing style of Alan Lee?
That had to have been really stressful and it's good you're recognising it and pulling yourself out of the things causing and feeding it, as that can turn into a feedback-loop. Relatable as well, I've been dealing with trauma activation and heightened stress for quite a while now, with only the occasional break from it. X_x A hike sounds like a really good getaway, hope you enjoy it.
Awesome, thanks for sharing; very expressive sketches. I haven't done any more art lately but need to kick-start what I set out with outlining for either watercolour pencils, or markers and pastel. Was there anything in particular that inspired those sketches?
That sounds like a good plan and healthy way of dealing with things. Reminds me of the circle of influence as well, a good framing to remember as it's easy to get caught up in things we have no control over. Sounds really good.
Lol, can understand that and having a range of tastes keeps food interesting, unfamiliar with jackfruit for a toast spread, bet it's nice.
I've been working on some writing as well as studying, along with further mapping out trauma. I think writing things out in stories, symbolism and reflection has been helping make sense of a few things that are otherwise difficult to put into words. Other than that, just trying to keep moving forward and make progress where I can.
6 replies
Totally, just stay consistent on the days you feel up for it. You'll get back to 10 km before you know it💪
I haven't really seen Alan Lee's work yet, but I've heard of a few extra books that go deeper into the Elves and Middle-earth. Some were put together by Tolkien's son after he passed. I found a bunch of those hardcovers in a bookstore in York near the main Church. Such a great find, but I only got The Silmarillion and The Children of Hurin. I should get back into buying books :D What are your favorite folklore or comfort watch/read you suggest?
That sounds really tough. Do you feel like your current emotional state has become your default response. Or are there things that help you feel more grounded. Does it sometimes lead to more overthinking?
Hope you get some time for doing art. It helps when words don't come out right. I just try to capture emotions, play with colors, movement and light. Expressions always keep me interested to sketch more faces, still not great with animals or still life though 😅
We've got two jackfruit trees in the backyard, so summers are full of it. We have few cashews, mangoes, veggie patch and some flowering plants. The raw jackfruit is great chicken substitute if cooked right. The ripe ones are sweet. The seeds when boiled and grounded tastes nutty and starchy. Kind of like chestnuts and mashed potatoes
I suppose that you're doing it to be prepared for the next therapy session with NHS when that happens. What you said about writing really clicked. Putting thoughts down helps bring clarity and question patterns. Kinda like The Matrix - how much is just conditioning to help us cope familiar situations (blue pill) and what truth comes up when we actually face things, even if it's unsettling (red pill)? When reality gets heavy to hold, stories and symbolism make it easier to process.
It's not easy though, so go easy on yourself (Hugs)
Take care (:
5 replies
FenrirWolf
June 5th
That's true, I dropped out of walking and running as much for a few months but recovered on that fast recently, so the previous progress is still there and it's just breaking new ground.
His sketches are amazing, I find the loose sketch style and how they're built up with detail, while still keeping the pencil work light very mythical. The Silmarillion is easily the core book on extra lore for Middle Earth outside of The Hobbit and LotR trilogy, though there are others that compile and expand on details. I like looking things up on the wikis for in-universe lore, not just LotR but other franchises as well, those tend to give more focused details on specifics, whether characters, places, events, items.. York as in England? Very cool city. I enjoy book shop browsing, especially when it leads to a nice find or good read. Hm, for reading it tends to be mythology, Norse, Greek / Roman, Egyptian.. Japanese and Chinese folklore has a lotof interesting tales also, or fiction lore, I find that nice to immerse in; not long ago I rewatched Stargate SG1 and Stargate: Atlantis, rewatches of good shows / movies can be comforting. Do you have a favourite piece of folklore, myth or character that has stuck with you over the years?
Fortunately not the case I think, and it's a series of trauma activation, heightened cortisol levels and emotional flashbacks, I see it with a duality, being in the state and observing it, as challenging as that can be when most intense, but it's giving a lot of information and new understanding. It just sucks the impact that has been having.. Soo much overthinking, haha, sigh
Yeah, it does, and really I should just push myself more to do 'something'., anything, as that breaks the cycle get gets it flowing again. I thin the photo realistic sketch I started set off perfectionism which didn't help. You capture expressions and movement well in the pieces of art you posted before, that aspect really stood out. I find that if you can draw people or trees, other things fall within those shapes and marks, animal fur tends to be tricky though, just as hair can be. Do you tend to sketch from imagination, references, or a bit of both?
That's really cool, must be nice to have your own orchard like that, it sounds like jackfruit are very versatile as well. Do you do much gardening yourself, or is that mostly something your family maintains?
One aspect of it is detailing what I can toward any future therapy, it'll save time and work, also help set the stage. It's also about processing and finding what more I can work on myself, I thought I had worked through many of these issues until so much came back. That's a good analogy, and accurate, the reality behind the 'red pill' is a lot to wake up to, haha. Analogies, symbolism and metaphor can be a good way of making things more relatable or understandable, which also diluting the personal intensity.
Thanks, I'm trying to remember that though it's easier said than done sometimes.
4 replies
I thought Alan Lee's work was done in watercolours - the softness of his line work really gives that atmospheric feel. I went down a bit of a rabbit hole looking at his work on Reddit. It's amazing how much the films drew from his work, especially knowing that he was even part of the Nazgul cast. Sometimes heavy illustrations interrupt how I picture in my head😅Who are some other artists work that you like?
I tend to look for similar places as references so I can visualise them properly. It genuinely makes me happy when I'm able to see those places in real life later. I remember this author Sun Yee started out writing HP fanfiction (Voldermort wins and Hermoine becomes slave to Draco Malfoy). She went onto become a full-time author. I am with you on just enjoying browsing through bookstore and most of the times it's not even about buying something.
York is the one in England 🙂it really surprised me like you're walking through different time periods at once. The York Minster was beautiful, and I loved noticing historical details like Constantine's statue. I stumbled the house of Anne Lister and Ann Walker being recognised by the Church as one of the few Lesbian couples was a whole other layer to the place. There was a 3-day tour on War of roses which was quite immersive. I'd definitely recommend only if you're interested in history and Game of throne saga.
You've got a pretty varied folklore taste. I wouldn't say I've read deeply either, it's more like I keep discovering new stories over time. My interest actually comes a bit unexpectedly growing up listening to lot of folktales passed from my dad's side to my stepsister, so some of it feels familiar. The others folklore I came across was by my dad reading Greek mythology to us when we were kids.
If I had to pick favorites, I'd say Hecate, Ariadne & Theseus, Yuki-onna (Snow-woman in Japanese folklore)..I'm also drawn to dragons, centaurs and sea-serpents. Skadi and Selkies feels relatable - maybe because of the mountains and lake spirit parallels I can draw from our own tribe folklore. I'll add the Stargate movie to my watch list
And honestly sitting with uncomfortable feelings and being an observer is very self-aware experience, and it explains why it can be exhausting. Overthinking is the way our mind trying to process different stimuli. It can be intense, even if you've already worked through parts of it before. Humans process information/feelings in pictures, audio or words and trauma survivors can process in all 3 mediums 🥺
Perfectionism can be a trap and can make anyone stuck. I tend to rework a lot or edit; it's definitely draining and most times I hate my work. Sometimes I have to remind myself that it's okay if its messy and precision isn't the goal. I've seen your sketches too - you capture details very well. A lot of your work captures feelings in metaphors which I really liked. And thank you for what you said about my art. tend to rely on references or photos before I start; I'm not very good at drawing from imagination. I have a rough notebook to capture movements when I observe. You saw some of the movements that I did with pen as quick excercise to study.
The garden at my folks place is maintained by my family. I just help out when I'm around. I don't do much regularly but I enjoy working with soil. I've got about 12 indoor plants of different sizes, in my apartment now - it's a small thing but it feels very grounding
Good luck with your next therapy @FenrirWolf, did you get a date when your appointment is scheduled or you're still waiting for the queue?
I'm just in a weird headspace of numbness so playing piano and guitar helps right now. Hope things ease up for you too gradually (hugs back)
3 replies
FenrirWolf
June 7th
A lot of Alan Lee's published work I think was watercolour, and he illustrated a version of the Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit. Yeah his sketches very closely inspired a lot in the movies. I really like how atmospheric many of them feel. John Howe is another artist I really like from Tolkien's world, though his style is a bit more dramatic by comparison. Outside of that I tend to like artists whose work tells a story or captures a feeling, hyper-realism is mind-blowing though so a name that stands out is Paul Cadden.
Wall to wall, floor to ceiling books just look awesome, whether that's a library or book store. Nice, York is a really interesting city. That's one of the things I enjoy most about older cities and towns, seeing the layers of different periods next to one another, and how places developed through the ages. That tour sounds very interesting, and yeah, the war of the roses made a big impact on English history, there's a fair bit that relates to it where I live as well. Did you watch Game of Thrones or read A Song of Ice and Fire?
Hecate, Skadi and the Selkies are cool choices, Skadi's story and the folklore of Selkies is very tragic. I've always found myths interesting because they tend to say something about the people who told them as much as the meaning within the stories themselves.
I agree on overthinking. A lot of it feels like my brain trying to process, understand and make sense of things, sometimes helpfully and sometimes not. The observer part has actually become even more noticeable recently. That's interesting about trauma survivors processing through all three mediums. It makes sense really, as it expands the different tools people can use to try and work through things.
Indeed, and perfectionism is the bane of creativity, if left unchecked. It's funny how often the thing that stops us creating is wanting to create something good. I just think I need to get back into the habit of making things imperfectly and letting the process matter more than the outcome. Thanks, that means a lot. With art I've been trying to describe feelings and experiences that are difficult to explain directly, so it's nice to know that came across. Capturing expressions and movement is not easy, it's a great idea that you have a notebook to capture that. Do you have a favourite piece you've done recently? Twelve indoor plants is impressive. I've always liked how plants can change the feel of a room.
I'm still waiting on the assessment which could be any time in the next week.
Thanks. *Hugs* I hope things ease up for you too. Numbness can be a strange place to sit in. Playing piano and guitar are good ways to work through it though. What sort of things do you like playing?
2 replies
Sorry, it's been difficult writing and I wanted to respond soon. I came across some of the John Howe's work at some of the local bookstore and you're right about the contrast as compared to another artist. Thanks for sharing Paul Cadden's work, I went through his website, and his work is exceptional with portraits and drawing weather beaten faces of ordinary people.
Oooh, floor-to-ceiling books just makes a place feels rich, cosy and a full of soul and adding plants too. I'm not really into most modern houses. I prefer much old cottages and traditional places. GoT's definitely easier to get into than the books, though I've got mixed feelings about it. It actually got me curious enough to read about the Wars of the Roses - and honestly, that was even more brutal.
I've seen the sunglass with your cats lounging and little plants were growing. Do you grow any fruits trees and other ones?
What is the assessment process like? Are they in-person or questionnaire-based assessment. Good luck with it and please feel free to keep posted. I really enjoyed reading some of the pieces on trauma you've written, and anyone can resonate with what you've shared.
I've made these two recently - https://ibb.co/5WYJmjBR , https://ibb.co/svR0B7F8 I am planning to do some landscape painting for some time. Sharing something I played on piano after much practise which isn't great but quite eerie - https://voca.ro/1gXBdY7V748L (Book of circus - Black butler) and https://voca.ro/19lqVY9Bqtfz this is on guitar.
Looking forward to what comes next. What's been helping you lately? Any small wins this week? @FenrirWolf
1 reply
FenrirWolf
June 11th
No worries, @mossyfrets. There's no rush. Paul Cadden's work is incredible. Alan Lee and John Howe are almost the opposite in a way, very atmospheric and evocative over realism, and I think that's what draws me to them. Do you have any favourite artists?
I know what you mean about older places, modern houses can be nice, but older cottages, townhouses, libraries and bookshops often feel like they have stories built into them. York definitely has that feeling. The real Wars of the Roses is fascinating and brutal, so much upheaval and carnage over power. Did you watch the Stargate movie? That's a really good sci-fi twist on Egyptian mythology, and the series SG-1 goes further into other myths and legends with the premise of wormhole travel.
Ah yeah, haha, when Yuna and Rikku were napping in the greenhouse. xD I have two apple trees and a pear tree which doesn't produce more than 2 or 3 pears right now, along with a cherry tree.
The initial assessments are typically done over the phone now, questions asked as they go through a checklist like a questionaire. I had the call yesterday, and am a bit mixed about it as they didn't want to directly refer for more treatment but instead to an advisor to assess further. Thanks for what you said about the writing, a lot of it started as trying to understand experiences that were difficult to explain directly, so it's nice knowing some of it resonated. I posted up a couple of write ups figuring those could help others on emotional flashbacks, and how social dynamics can change due to illness or a condition flare-up.
Small wins this week would be jogging all the way from town in the heat, and getting quite far with writing up a story which has already taken a life of it's own, and after getting a detailed write-up done of the main story beats (20k words), decided to play around with some concept art ideas, which turned out surprisingly well.
Nice, is that first painting of violet flowers under a sunset in acrylic? Awesome colour use. What's the inspiration behind the second picture? Gives me the sense of a 'fractured head space', nicely drawn. That piano piece 😯 awesome, well played; trying to remember what it reminds me of.. that guitar piece is awesome as well, thanks for sharing. What sort of landscapes do you enjoy painting most? And what kind of music do you like playing on piano and guitar?
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