Need a friend
I've been in a toxic relationship for 11 years and have no friends. I find it hard to make friends. The only person I have to talk to is the source of my pain. I need a friend is there anyone who would try to be my friend?
@ambitiousTriangle2552
Hi, mate
IIf you need a companion in misfortune, not an optimistic friend, then I'm it. :)
I've been living in a dead-end relationship for about 7 years now, but actually longer.
My marriage is miserable and it's been going on for 10 years.
A companion in misfortune would do just fine! Do you have any kids? I have 2 boys and one on the way and feel stuck here
@ambitiousTriangle2552
That's fine then :)
Yes, i do, also two. A girl and a boy.
May I ask how far along you are in your pregnancy?
@ambitiousTriangle2552
Feel free to ask any question, i am very open-minded
I have 2 boys 6 and 9 and I am 22 weeks along. I wish I could have a girl. I am having another boy. I guess I'm destined to be a boy mom. I'm due in october
@ambitiousTriangle2552
I understand your wishes, but we are not have enough power to manage all the things in our lives.
So we have to create some methods to cope with our personal lives.
How did it happen you are pregnant for the third time in your hard reletionshiops? What ties you to him? True love? Guilt? Your your internal unconscious attitudes? Upbringing?
And why do you think you can't cope with you relationship?
I also read your privious post.
It has always been difficult with him but it's been bearable. We decided not to prevent a third one and within a month I was pregnant. We both grew up with a single mother and wanted our kids to have both parents. He has been amazing for the birth of my two others my first was preterm and we spent months in the hospital NICU but this pregnancy it seems like he just wants to make as stressful as possible. He blames me for everything says I'm not working when I am trying my best to work and take care of the kids and take care of the dogs and our huge garden. I'm just doing the best I can and I'm told everyday it's not enough that I'm not contributing. I have to ask for money to buy food and toilet paper and meanwhile he's texting his friends about women he would like to put a baby in ( he told me he was just joking and screamed at me when I brought it up). I am miserable here but I am stuck i can't afford life on my own I built this whole life with him with the kids, we bought a house planted trees and have a garden and beehives. I can't pay the bills on my own I can't take care of the animals on my own I feel trapped. No matter how hard I try I'll never be good enough for him. What are you having issues with in your marriage? We're not married but mine as well be with how tied our lives are together
@ambitiousTriangle2552
Pardon me, please, i'll tell you some other things: English is not my native language, so concerning any serious and deep life things, i need some time, because if i use Google translator (which i try to not use) it became shapely but almost always losing a deep sens and if i try to express my deep thoughts by myself without the translator it takes some more time and concentration :)
What is your native language is you don't mind me asking?
My name is Patience.
We have tried to separate but in the end I love him very much. The things he says to me hurt so much but being a single mom and taking my boys father away hurts just as much as letting him go. Anytime he's been gone I just remember the good times we shared and miss him so much. He also has nowhere to go if he left he would have no home if I left I would have no home. He is a recovering addict and I don't want him going back to it the one time we did separate in 2018 he overdosed multiple times before coming back asking for forgiveness. I don't know if he really loves me like I love him though I don't feel like he would do the things he's done if he really loved me. I think I am just a way of survival for him. Trust has been broken so many times in our relationship I am suspicious of everything and can't trust this man if my life depended on it.
I am very much as miserable with him as I am without.
@ambitiousTriangle2552
I'm shy about posting everything about myself here so far, but at the same time I can't figure out how to write you a DM.
If you don't mind i may answer you if write me anything to temprorary e-mail: sneeze-wow-phantom@duck.com
I also have Signal
And about me: i am also a recovering addict, but of alcohol. So i guess i can partly understand something about you and your paкtner.
I hope you've herd about codependency?
@ambitiousTriangle2552
I have never met this name before :) It's very unusual :)
I guess we can't DM on here. I don't feel comfortable emailing this is anonymous that's the only reason I'm letting it all out but if you don't feel comfortable I understand.
@ambitiousTriangle2552
That's totally ok, we all have rights which we want to have :)
So i am 12 years sober and i have some notion about addicted people and their relations with environment.
Do you know the song "Patience" by Nas"? Oh, i love that :}
Yes, it's a great song!
Congratulations on 12 years sober! What is your notion on addiction?
@ambitiousTriangle2552
Thank you.
I mean a lot of problems in your relationship may have roots in his addiction and you envolvement in his addiction.
I totally agree I have started doing research on addiction and I do think a lot comes from that. It has honestly just recently come to my attention that the problems may be from the addiction. I think he replaced heroin with weed and when I asked him to quit smoking weed he replaced with alcohol and when I asked him to quit drinking alcohol he just lashed out got mad and defensive and started hiding it and lying instead. I realize the lying stems from his addiction I don't know how to help him. I've asked him to get help to go to therapy but he will not. What helped you overcome your addiction? I thought he would want to do better for his kids but when he is in a mood nothing matters me or the kids he takes it all out on us
@ambitiousTriangle2552
It is a very-very complicated huge bunch of questions and problems. I will share with you my thoughts little by little.
First of all, do not rely on his love to you, children, life, or anything else. Addiction is always stronger then any normal human fellings, senses, views, intentions etc. He is not bad or good guy, he is a human being an he is ruled by his addiction. The whole his life is influnced by addiction.
Here i want to say that if he gets sober you will break up very shortly.
You say he doesn't want to get help, but does he want to quit?
As for me and my overcoming, i'll tell you, but little by liitle, because it's difficult to express that fellings in English so far, but i am improving :). I drank for about 20 years, from my 15 to 35. In my early 20th i started to realise i was having the serious troubles, but i didn't know what to do at all, so i continued and i had a huge black hole inside.
In addition i would say that the evolution of addicitons has its common laws, but every individum has its only own way and it this also applies to recovery.
Thank you for the different viewpoint! He may say he wants to quit to my face but like I said he never tells me the truth. While telling me he wants to quit he will still do these things behind my back and delete everything to keep it from me.
@ambitiousTriangle2552
Do you think he wants to quit?
@ambitiousTriangle2552
Hi
Sorry for your loss of 11 years... It's a long time... I'm here for you... If you in need for a real friend...
Wait for your reply
Have a happy life ahead with a clear mind
It's not a loss I'm still with him something that I just can't seem to let go but I would love a friend