@SeparationAnxietyOverload so it didn’t let me post it (i think because i was talking about some effects of the election so i took a screenshot of it and there’s pictures of the message below. 
@toastydoodler
oh, I didn't know you weren't allowed to post your political views on here. (I mean, now that I think of it, it makes sense) Anyway, sorry for the 2 day wait, the government changed our laptop softwares and they implemented (tw: caps) SO MANY RESTRICTIONS. They banned my study platform :( and we're not allowed to use our laptops after a certain time, so I need to message this quickly. Oh thank god, that's a relief. I know protests can get pretty scary. Yes, please do <3 Same, I truly wished that he didn't win, it's honestly really depressing. I was so passionate on advocating for Kamala but then my family said I'm too "passionate about something that doesn't regard me", which upset me. That's so true! I mean if you agree with his policies and his views, well then good for you, but don't you think that electing someone who has criminal charges against him as president is honestly just so absurd? Like these people clearly are not in the right mental state to judge one's character. Yes, I'm not too sure about the charges but they are charges nonetheless. I'm actually so aggravated that someone like him, can actually be elected like (tw: caps) OMG. Like are people out of their minds? (no offense in an offensive way) The wall thing is also honestly diabolical. What happened to harmony and unity? What happened to accepting illegal immigrants? Just so done with his so-called "policies". Insane that 74 million Americans voted for that Lays chip packet looking human like whatttt. (I don't judge people, just that in my heart he doesn't act like a normal person) His policy about (tw) abortion is to give the rights of abortion to the state, which is as good as making it illegal for some American citizens. It is insane that abortion can be "illegal" because what happened to free will? There are so many cases of women out there, suffering and yet he wants to implicate this law? Downright horrible. I hate him so much like I literally could insult him so much and not feel bad about it. The gender things you mentioned are also so valid, like why can't he just accept people for who they are? And conversion therapy!? I've never heard of a more (tw) stupid thing. (sorry if this is triggering :( im just so baffled at the world) I see, it seems like it's a part of one's personality, thank you so much for answering my question. I really appreciate it <3 The gun thing Trump wants to implement is also quite absurd, he wants to hire retired police officers that are armed to be stationed at every school? his policies are literally giving how a kid would approach a problem. Like, oh an influx of immigrants, let's build a massive wall to keep them out! LGBTQ+ people that I don't support, straight to therapy! Abortion? Oh, I'm lazy so I'm just going to give the decision to the state. (essentially giving the rights of so many women out there to the state like what the actual freak) I'm so sorry if this response has triggered you in any way, I just needed to talk about it a little, I have so much bottled up (for no reason apparently, I don't know why I'm so affected) so it was nice having a little rant. I hope you know that I'm always here to support you in any way, I hope everything over there is doing fine as well. Thanks so much for having the courage to express your views, especially to someone like me, who has little business in political affairs. I'm going to talk about more light things now, everything is so depressing when it comes to politics. Yeah, I'm not a big sweet person, I would love to try health bars. I love protein bars and some nougat bars. Oh, that's maybe why they were really gummy and not chewy at all. the texture was totally different from what I was expecting lol. I'll refrigerate them the next time I get them. (American candies here are honestly SO expensive, a packet of Trolli crawlers here cost SGD 12 per pack. And they are super rare to find, especially in common supermarkets. Sour Patch Kids cost around SGD 5-6 per pack as well. Oh! and the other day I saw a SGD 15 dollar pack of Skittles Gummy Clusters. I need to start saving up my money if I ever want to buy them) Since it's the holidays for us here, I'm starting to advance study on Literature for my next school year, and I love Shakespeare stories but the English makes my head hurt, and I'm not the one who'd stray from complicated texts. I've been refining my brain recently by studying more so I guess that's what I do most of the time, other than swim, read and play mobile games. How's everything over there in school? (You don't have to answer if you're not comfortable <3) Thanks so much for putting in so much effort into your message, I really appreciate you talking to me. Again, so sorry for the 2 day delay <3 Stay safe and talk soon bestie! <3 :)))
@SeparationAnxietyOverload school’s going pretty well, thanks for asking. i have a project due soon that i really need to work on but it’s (tw caps) SO BORING. i need like three more sources, a page of notes, and a physical project of the subject and i only have until the beginning of class on friday which sounds like a lot but i am a master procrastinator. the last time i had a project for this class i finished it in the period before. since my section is about ancient rome and christianity in the 520s-540s CE i think i'm going to make a chariot because romans did chariot racing all the time. it caused a riot once. i think that it’s good to be knowledgeable about other countries’ leaders, because it tends to affect more than just the country itself, and if you visit you already know some of the more important laws. your description of him was completely accurate, i always call him a cheeto with a wig because that dude is (tw caps) ORANGE. that’s an outrageous price for a little thing of candy! we started reading romeo and juliet in english and the words sound so weird. it feels like a different language. i love swimming! unfortunately all the pools are closed at this time of the year because it’s too cold for swimming. right now outside it’s 32 degrees fahrenheit or 0 degrees celsius. pretty chilly! yesterday there was a grade vs grade girls flag football game (not the football everywhere else kind the american kind) and my grade won! i played a lot because i was the one snapping the ball, which means i threw the ball to the person who was going to throw the ball to other people and then i had to push the other team away from her. it was fun but it was (tw caps) SO COLD LIKE I WAS FREEZING MY FINGERS OFF. i even had gloves and a hat off and i couldn’t feel my fingers. but it was still fun. i hope you’re having a nice day!!! talk soon bestie :) <3 <3 <3
@toastydoodler
that's good! The project sounds (tw: caps) SO TIRING and I haven't even looked at the content. You could say that my attention span and brain has been literally rotting since school has ended. I love the chariot idea! I would love to do it as well. I didn't know that they had a riot about chariots! Yeah, I don't know why my parents keep saying I'm too girly and loud :( (sigh) But thanks for saying that, it comforts me :) (tw:caps) HAHA yeah, why does he look like that? That's so real, I feel such a deep sense of regret when I spend so much money on something that I don't know the taste of. That's really relatable, my brain actually is getting fried after 30mins of reading, and I used to be able to read a whole 400 page book in one setting. Oh, I thought there were heated ones, or are they called Jacuzzis? I lowkey would love that weather, it's so hot right now and humid so my skin is (tw:caps) ALWAYS OILY AND GROSS. I took 5 showers IN A SINGULAR DAY. It feels good after though. Good job on the win! Sounds pretty cool! When I was in middle school, I used to participate alot even though I was super bad. I hope you had the most fun! I get the numbness thing, cause everytime I go swimming for more than an hour, my fingertips are literally frozen I thought I was going to turn into ice. I literally had to get out of the pool and rub my palms while blowing them. This never happens when I'm in a cold atmosphere overseas so I wonder why I'm so affected by cold water lol. I'm actually having a meh day (slightly worse than decent). It's my mom's birthday, yay and whatever. I hate birthdays and I hate almost every festival because I hate how ugh it is yk? Idk most people love these things but I despise them. It's awkward (with my family) and it somehow always ends up in fights that I get so annoyed by. I don't even have the right or confidence to get angry and I am literally always the one mediating the fight, it's exhausting. I'm only barely past the age of a kid and I already have to do so much. I just want to be a kid again, I'm drained. My childhood best friend was kind of (well not mean) weird today over text. My mom was finally persuaded enough to buy me a kobo and I was super happy and grateful. I told my childhood friend and she said she was super happy for me! I was happy too! And she replied after I told her about the happy news and I kind of reacted to her message irl and didn't like reply to her in text. She must've thought I was ignoring her or leaving her on read. She then proceeded to tag me in a story that she made, and it was a screenshot of our messages and it said: "how can someone leave me on read after literally having a conversation?" I was so upset after I saw that like 5h later because it's my mom's birthday and we were out. I was so confused because I didn't understand and I asked her about it and she said that she thought it was funny how I was so "busy" to the point where I could have a conversation with her and then just stop. I was so scared and worried because she's literally the only person I have to talk to on my phone left and I just started apologizing so much and I think she hates me. A listener on 7Cups that I used to talk to alot just came back from a study break and I suppose that's good. The cake we had was nice today. I'm gonna start crying later because (tw:caps) I CANT SEEM TO UNDERSTAND ANY SHAKESPEARE AND IM LITERALLY GOING TO HAVE A MENTAL BREAKDOWN. I also don't know why I bought a new cutter 2 days ago and I'm actually going to cry so much rn. I'm worried about friends, family, social interactions, studies, and my future because school starts in January and we're going to have so many camps (overnight ones which I totally wanna self-exit for). I really want to call my school counsellor to see if she can do anything. seems mean of me though. (tw) I just want to exit for a little and come back maybe a month later. I wish could be possible. I've almost completely lost my interest in reading. I'm just tired. I hope you're having a good day though. Love you and talk soon <3 (sorry for the rant)
@SeparationAnxietyOverload i’m sorry it’s been so tough. it’s not fair of your friend to be doing that to you. you responded to her! and you were busy. you were having a conversation and something came up that you couldn’t ignore. that’s what happens. she should be able to understand that. i think you two need to have an open conversation, which is hard to ask for but if you can both explain your side of the story then you might be able to get along better. Shakespeare is really hard, but if you need help feel free to send me the paragraph(s) you’re reading and i can try to help. don’t be afraid to talk to your counselor, advocating for yourself isn’t mean. it just takes some courage. i know how hard it is, i have a hard time asking things of other people too. you definitely shouldn’t have to be the one meditating the fights. i don’t think your family realizes how lucky they are to have you. you’re one of the strongest, smartest, most caring people i know and i hope you know that im so glad you’re here. i understand feeling drained. when i feel drained i like to go for a walk in the woods, so maybe just sitting outside could help a little? bring an ice pack though since it’s so hot. it might be a good idea to talk to your listener friend too. they could probably help. on a lighter note, we do have jacuzzi’s here but they’re more commonly found in hotels because you have to clean them more often and they’re harder to care for than pools. they’re also generally inside. right now outside it feels like 24* fahrenheit (-4* celsius) so it’s pretty chilly. as i’m typing my fingers are freezing. i hope your day gets better! i’m here for you. love you bestie <3<3<3 talk soon :)
@toastydoodler
yeah, I really hope this was just one big misunderstanding :( I'll try to have an open conversation, but I'm afraid it'll be really awkward, but thanks for the advice <3 Will do! I just used a website that translated the old English to modern English, so it's way easier, but I'll ask for help if I need to, thank you! Yeah, I've been thinking about reaching out to my counsellor recently, and I'll probably do it when school starts. Thanks for the reassurance <3, it is really tough mediating the fights and I probably shouldn't be doing that all the time for my own good. Aw, thank you, my family never says that and I really appreciate it, especially when it's coming from one of my favorite people on the planet <3 I can try, I'll probably do it soon with one of my siblings, I used to do it all the time, but then my mom became concerned about our safety and yeah. I'm also going to work for my dad soon, so I'll have less time on my hands. But I'll definitely try doing them, thank you! Yeah that makes sense, I do see (or hear) a lot of people in America hiring pool boys to care for the pools, it must be so much harder with Jacuzzi's. Wow that's really cold, right now here it's about 28 degrees Celsius ( about 82.4 Fahrenheit), so it's cooler than usual but not as cold as America right now. I wish you a nice cozy day ahead! Talk soon and love you bestie! <3 :)) ⛄☕
@SeparationAnxietyOverload thanks, i’m nice and cozy in my sweater. as soon as november hit all of my chunky sweaters came out and i’ve been living in them. nice and warm! today has felt (tw caps) SO LONG. i can’t wait to go to sleep. on the bright side, i had some really good pasta bolognese today. we went to a restaurant for my dad’s birthday so i got pasta because the other stuff was kind of expensive (it was like steaks and fish and stuff) but it was actually delicious. i finished my project. it turned out alright but i just hope my presentation will be okay too. the conversation probably will be awkward if i’m honest, but the awkward ones are the ones you learn the most from. at least you’ll both come away with more understanding than you had before. also this is kind of a random question but what are movie theaters like in singapore? here they’re really overpriced and can range from super fancy to filled with garbage. movie popcorn is supreme in my opinion though. i’ve got a few movies i want to watch so that’s why i thought of it. i’ve been picking through some wonder woman stuff lately (i like superheroes but i don’t do DC much so i thought i’d look into it) and i want to see the movie. the reviews seem good but i’ve seen a lot of criticism for it too so i don’t know what it will be like. i hope it’s good. anyway have a good day! love you <3 <3 talk soon bestie :)
@toastydoodler
haha no problem! I love it when I'm warm and cozy in the cold too. I wish I had more sweaters and baggy pants lol, sometimes I have to keep wearing the same types of clothes in cold countries when I vacation to ward off the cold. that sounds honestly amazing, being warm and not too warm. Haha I get you! Yesterday was my first day of "work" and I literally needed eyedrops *for the first time in my lilfe because I lowkey felt like my eyeballs were so tired of looking at computer screens as I typed. Today is my break though, and I spent the last 3 hours making my dad's birthday gift. (tw: caps) ITS YOUR DAD'S BIRTHDAY? HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! 🥳 I hope you guys had/have a nice celebration that brought you joy! The restaurant sounds so good right now lol. Good to know you enjoyed it :)) It's good that at least you finished the project, so that'll be a plus! Don't worry about the presentation, just go with the flow, at the end of it all even if it's awkward or not, you will be done with it and never have to worry about it anymore :) Oh! Movie Theaters are like pretty clean in my opinion, they have like sofaish single seats that are in a row and there is like a huge projector ish screen over a stage at the front of the room. The stage has like 2 flights of stairs at the far ends which are exits and people come from the back of the room. The room is usually like huge and it's really cold. The cinema (we are used to calling it cinemas here) also sells snacks at the entrance. So like think this really big store with like a huge 3d sign in front that has the name of the cinema and then a cafeteria looking window with cinema workers selling snacks. The snacks are pretty good, but I prefer the nachos to the popcorn because one time I bit on a hard kernel and my tooth hurt so bad lol. But I understand why you'd like them. Then there is this ticketing area next to the snack area where you purchase your tickets and there are like many cinema halls in the cinema and it's like deeper into the cinema where there are like hallways leading to the halls (sorry for the weird sentence structure). It's actually really expensive here too, it can cost like $40 per person and snacks can cost anywhere from $7 - $15. The last time I've been to one was two years ago 😭 I really want to go too! I wanna watch Smile 2 but then I'll have nightmares for the rest of my life. Fun fact: I only started to sleep alone when I was 11 because I had such vivid imagination that every shadow looked like something scary. It was such an ordeal. But I got over it i guess. I'm not a big movie person, but I prefer DC because of this girl called Raven from Teen Titans, and there was an actual movie series called "Titans" and it's basically Teen Titans but not animated. I binge watched it when I was in Japan for 2 weeks, and I only slept like 5h everyday because of it haha! Anyway, it was nice hearing from you and talk soon! <3 Sleep well bestie! <3
@SeparationAnxietyOverload it sounds like our cinemas are pretty similar! i can’t ever watch horror movies (i'm a wuss i know) because i don’t do well with scary things. i don’t like seeing the people get hurt. i’m sorry you had such a hard time as a child, that sounds awful. i’m glad you’re doing better. i think i saw teen titans once and i thought raven was the coolest too. i never watched a lot of cartoons when i was younger because my parents wouldn’t let me. it was always educational shows or sometimes the old superhero shows, like the original batman and robin from the 1960s. you might want to get some blue light glasses if you’re going to be in front of screens all day, i hear they really help with sore eyes. when i was younger i got an eye infection and my parents had to bribe me to use the drops because as a rule i don’t like most things coming towards my face or neck. that’s part of why it was always such a struggle for me to get my hair brushed, i had/have a sensory thing where i really really dislike certain feelings like my hair being pulled, even if it’s by a brush. it’s mostly better now though. our dads must have such similar birthday dates! happy birthday to yours as well. i love baggy clothes because they always have pockets and they hide my frame. i especially love cargo pants. also overalls because my pair has eight pockets. i love pockets. they’re so handy. thanks for the chat bestie! love ya, talk soon :))) <3 <3 <3
@toastydoodler
That's cool to know! Same, I'm terrified of jumpscares lol. No it's okay, I think that it's fine to be scared of scary movies. Thank you, I hate my childhood, but I have the future to look forward to. haha that's cool! Same, they always told me that TV would make my brain rot. I hope you had fun watching those shows as a kid though! Yeah, I'm definitely thinking about getting a pair, or even bringing eyedrops. That sounds awful! I had a stye once and I am still terrified of those things. I get it, I hate it when strangers brush against me too, I visibly shiver, I'm sorry if it troubles you too. That's great! I usually just avoid close contact lol. thank you and you too! Same! I love parachute pants and puffy hoodies so much. I feel like a cool kid lol. It does have many practical uses <3 Well, thanks for the chat as well and have a nice day/afternoon/evening/night <3 Love you :)@toastydoodler That's cool to know! Same, I'm terrified of jumpscares lol. No it's okay, I think that it's fine to be scared of scary movies. Thank you, I hate my childhood, but I have the future to look forward to. haha that's cool! Same, they always told me that TV would make my brain rot. I hope you had fun watching those shows as a kid though! Yeah, I'm definitely thinking about getting a pair, or even bringing eyedrops. That sounds awful! I had a stye once and I am still terrified of those things. I get it, I hate it when strangers brush against me too, I visibly shiver, I'm sorry if it troubles you too. That's great! I usually just avoid close contact lol. thank you and you too! Same! I love parachute pants and puffy hoodies so much. I feel like a cool kid lol. It does have many practical uses <3 Well, thanks for the chat as well and have a nice day/afternoon/evening/night <3 Love you :)
one of these guys. i ask because 1. they’re adorable and look like little robbers and 2. we saw one when we were driving yesterday (almost ran over it but it waddled off — couldn’t even run, he looked so silly). did you know that they glow blue and pink under uv light? scientists don’t know why yet but they’re working on it. also what is your favorite ice cream flavor? i like cookies and cream. i’m halfway through the wonder woman movie and i’m really liking it so far but i had to pause at a really awkward moment and now i’m having a hard time going back. i hate the awkward moments in movies it makes me feel like i’m going crazy. hoping it gets better soon. i like the fight scenes because she does all sorts of crazy stunts while using a sword. imagine being that stunt person! i could never. anyway have a great day/night bestie! love you :))) <3 <3 <3 (´∩｡• ᵕ •｡∩`)
@toastydoodler
Haha! I get so happy when someone actually wants to get to know me better. I haven't seen a possum, but they look adorable. Yes! Little panda thieves, someone should give them a little brown rucksack to complete the look lol. Woah, I didn't know that! It must be really cool, considering that even scientists haven't found out why yet. Sorry I have a really random question, is it a crime to run over an animal in the US? Like roadkill and stuff. Anyway, I love matcha and coffee ice cream, but recently I got hooked on Earl gray tea flavoured ice cream and omg! It's life changing. I don't fancy sorbets or anything sour because I think I like sweet ice creams better. I don't really crave ice cream though, only gelato and waffles from Andersens. (Do you guys have the ice cream shop Andersens?) The classic cookies and cream is so good too, I especially like eating a scoop with maple syrup lol. That's nice to know that you're enjoying yourself by watching movies! I love those movies with like magic and stuff, and I really wanna watch Eternals, have you watched it? I also love Wonder Women so much because she's a baddie and she's so cool! I love her lasso thing because I used to have an obsession with long ranged weapons. The stunt person must have so much gymnastic knowledge, imagine how strenuous their days are lol. Anyway I hope you're resting well and are having a good day, I'll try to text more often and more quickly. Love you and talk soon! ❤
@SeparationAnxietyOverload we don’t have andersens here (or at least i’ve never seen one) but it sounds super good! i heard of earl gray ice cream once in a book but i’ve never tried it. it sounds interesting though! it’s not a crime to run over an animal here unless it’s endangered. sometimes they do more to your car than you do to them. my mom’s friend accidentally hit a deer once and it absolutely totaled her car. sadly most animals don’t make it through the crashes. i haven’t seen eternals but i hear it’s really good! it definitely seems interesting. long ranged weapons are so cool! i personally am a big fan of bow and arrows. i think that archery is really fun. i made brownies today! they came out a little rich because i used baker’s chocolate but i thought it was good. what do you like better, brownies or blondies? talk soon bestie, love you :) <3 <3 <3
@SeparationAnxietyOverload i just wanted to check and make sure everything is okay. i haven’t heard from you in a little bit and i wanted to say im here for you if you need me. sorry if this is prying but i was just worried. anyway have a nice day ❤️ love you
@toastydoodler
hi im doing okay! How about you? I was just a little busy, sorry for any worry that it my have caused you <3 But I'm honestly doing pretty okay. Thanks so much for your concern. How are you? I would love to hear more from you in our next text :)) You have a nice day as well, love you bestie and talk soon! <3 :))
@toastydoodler
oh that's pretty sad, because honestly they the best ice cream, then again, you guys probably have so many cool American ice cream chains! That's pretty sad to be honest, I wish they would have more protective laws regarding animals and stuff. (especially animal abuse :() It sounds so scary, I would not have the guts to even drive thinking about the many animals that could just run into the road. Deer are so pretty, it's my mom's favourite animal. I think anyway. Same I really wanna watch it but I'm so busy at work and today is a horrible day (at work at least, but I still have like 6 hours of work to go :(( ) I'll tell you about it later. I love archery too! I took a trial class once and I felt like Katniss Everdeen lol. I love the Hunger Games, hehe. I wish I could bake more treats! I hope the brownies were delicious and yummy for you! It must be nice having a warm sweet treat during a chilly day. I'm going to bake cookies for Christmas soon, the reason I couldn't this year was because our oven broke and we decided to completely remove it. We only just bought an Airfryer, and I'm going to make Airfryable cookie dough with matcha :) I'm actually not a big fan of brownies, but I prefer the ones that are made with cocoa and is just fully made of luscious chocolate <3 What do blondies taste like? Like a lighter brownie? Anyway, today during work I pulled up the excel spreadsheet I've been working on for my dad and it was (tw: caps) COMPELTELY EMPTY OH MY GOD. I literally was so devasted because I've been keying in the values meticulously for 2 weeks straight. I was so disappointed. I also have a huge throbbing migraine and I think it comes from staring at a screen for too long. Anyway at the same time I'm also trying to help my dad set up his new IPhone, which is completely new because we don't usually use Apple products, and I'm trying to transfer all 200GB of important doccuments. Sigh. What a massive headache. After the data transfer from my Andriod to my IPhone, NONE of the doccuments, pictures of videos appeared in the IPhone, and the Apple Contact Helper is telling me to erase everything on the IPhone after almost a day of setting up and transfering data. I'm so exhausted and I've literally been passing out on my bed these few days after work. Working is so ardous lol. Anyway I'll try to log in everyday to catch your messages, super sorry if the huge gap in messages made you worry, I totally get it. Love you and talk to you soon! <3 <3 <3
@SeparationAnxietyOverload oh my god it all got deleted??? that’s awful! i’m so sorry. all that work down the drain :(. i hope it gets easier. i like deer too. once i went to a zoo and they had a thin in where you could pet the deer and they were really skittish but it was so cool when i finally got to touch one. don’t worry, they didn’t bite or chase lol. ooh your matcha cookie sounds delicious! lmk how it turns out. blondies are like brownies but they’re vanilla instead of chocolate. sometimes they have white chocolate chips in them. archery definitely made me feel like katniss too lol, just without the gore. i’m not gonna lie i read that when i was like nine and was (tw caps) NOT ready for it. i was not prepared for all the death. now it’s one of my favorites though. i wasn’t having a great evening (my mom was making me kind of mad again, she’s gone all the time for work but still acts like she’s around. it upsets me that she doesn’t even know how she’s hurt me over the years) but i saw your message and it made me feel better :). i hope you get a break from working soon, you deserve a rest. i love hearing from you (as always). have a wonderful day bestie! love you :) <3 <3 <3
@toastydoodler
Yeah, I think it's because of some software problem, I didn't even manage to salvage my progress but that's okay, I just gotta put in more effort to finish this spreadsheet before my vacation starts. Thank you, I really appreciate it, it isn't so bad but I was a little frustrated. That sounds so cool! Our Singapore Zoo don't have deer, but we have mousedeer! They're cute little guys. Side note: Have you ever seen a horse in real life? Anyway, I'm making the cookies immediately after I get home and shower and stuff, and I'm super excited lol. I'm making two batches, one with matcha and one without. I loved the Hunger Games, but I was superrr young as well, I didn't get much of the deeper meanings that the plots had. I'm thinking of re-reading the hunger games so I can get a fuller understanding of all the amazing lore. the violence is kinda sad, especially Rue's death, and Prim's. I'm sorry you have to deal with all that, you're an amazing person and you don't deserve to go through such an ordeal. I hope you feel better, maybe take a nice warm shower or do some reading? I wish I could be there to help you out <3 I'm always here if you need to rant about anything. I wish that our parents could be more aware of their actions and how they impact us, it's so hurtful when we bring up how they hurt us over the years and they react with nonchalance or ignorance. It kind of dismisses our feelings? And it definitely makes us distressed. I hope you're feeling better as of now, just don't care about her for now, just focus on yourself and the things you love <3 Working isn't that bad for me, at least there is less drama in the house now. By the way, random question, but are you going for vacation anytime soon? I had a super nice idea that I'll take some videos of the scenery in Hongkong when I go there, and I'll "bring" you along! Wouldn't that be amazing? Thanks so much for everything, you make me feel so seen and wanted <3 You have a wonderful day too! talk soon bestie! <3 :)))
P.S. My tomato plant grew two little green tomatoes and I named them Sofia and Marcelline. I'll send you a picture of them when I can. Talk soon! <3 :))
@SeparationAnxietyOverload i’ve seen pictures of mousedeer before and they’re so cute! my town actually has a lot of horses because we’re so rural, and there’s like five horse farms in the town. a lot of people are very big on equestrian here (riding horses), but i’ve never tried it. i’m sorry this is coming so late, i haven’t been home a lot these past few days because of thanksgiving break. i stayed at my grandparents’ to help out. if you didn’t know thanksgiving is a celebration of when the pilgrims and the native americans had a dinner together when the colonists settled. they fail to mention that the colonizers murdered the natives and stole their land, which is why i don’t like the morals and stuff behind thanksgiving very much. i don’t like that it was built off violence. but i watch the dog show and the parade and eat the meal every year. i ran a “turkey trot” on thanksgiving, it was a 2 mile run (kind of a race but not really). how were your cookies? i hope they were delicious! thank you for understanding. you’ve always been there for me when i most needed it. i value our friendship more than most relationships in my life. i just hate the way she overreacts to everything, you know? for example yesterday i was making pan-fried tofu and i needed corn starch. the bottle felt a little light so i went to the pantry to go find some more. she asked what i was doing and when i told her she flipped out and started scolding me for not looking in the bottle. there was just enough in there for me to use, but she was just being such a jerk about it! it’s like that all the time. if i make a mistake or do something that annoys her she blows it way out of proportion. and then she leaves again. she travels a lot for work so she’s never home to see important stuff. sports games, achievements, she’s never there. i don’t know if it’s better or worse. i know that she loves me but she doesn’t realize that she hurts me too. i’m sorry for dumping all this on you. you’re the only person i can talk to about things like this. thanks for everything. i hope things are getting better for you too. i’m technically on a “vacation” right now but i’m not going anywhere. i’m just out of school for a few days. that would be so awesome! i’ve always wanted to know what it was like there. travel buddies :D 🧳✈️ have a wonderful day! love you bestie :) <3 <3 <3
ps. sofia and marcelline!!! omg! that’s awesome. can’t wait to see them!
@toastydoodler
Yeah they really are such gentle little cuties. We have turf clubs (basically a horse riding place), and we only can see and ride horses there. It's really rare for most of the public to see horses in person, other than when you sign up for horse riding lessons. We don't have free roaming horses though, Singapore simply isn't like a very rural place, despite all the greenery and stuff. It's okay! I was caught up in Thanksgiving too, I don't hate thanksgiving, but I don't like it much either. Last year, it was super like grand, and my mom cooked a lot of stuff and ordered turkey and whatnot, but we got into a lot of fights while eating and it wasn't that fun. This year, we didn't celebrate that much, and only prepared like 4 dishes and ate quietly. But Thanksgiving in America sounds like a big deal! I hope you enjoyed it as much as you can <3 Turkey trot sounds interesting, I wonder how turkey became such a big part of Thanksgiving. But yeah but cookies are okay, I'll send you a picture (it might be ugly because I used my airfryer so the cookies aren't exactly perfect. They were pretty good, I would've loved to give you some :)) Aw, no problem, you're like the closest friend I've got right now <3 I will always be there for you <3 It's unfair that she reacted that way, you were just minding your own business, yet she had to just make a mean comment or scold you over such a trivial matter. I'm sorry it's that way, my mom gets angry over the simplest things too, I hope you're feeling better. I wish they would just stop and have a proper conversation with us instead of reacting based on what they perceive the situation to be, it's truly unfair for us and how we have to listen to them instead of them to us, when we are literally their children! And they hold that above our heads all the time, yet when it matters, they completely disregard it :( Yes, and what hurts us the most is the fact that we know that they are our parents and we love them. I love my parents sometimes, and I hate them sometimes, I think it's part of life now. No it's okay, I feel happy that I am someone that you can rant too. Your mom doesn't seem to be there for you at all, and you deserve someone to be there for you <3 You are an amazing individual and I hope you know that you deserve the world :) I'm okay, it's currently the weekend so I'm technically off work right now. Oh so like a holiday no school break? I get that, it must be nice to live in a country where a vacation can be a 2 hour drive to another state. Sometimes Singapore gets boring because it only takes 45 minutes to drive from one end to the other and there aren't really a lot of unique experiences when you lived there your whole life. But I love my country <3 I hope you enjoy your break to the fullest! <3 Hehe, I'll make sure to send you a video of everyday! It would be so cool! Like you're with me in person <3 I can't wait for that, and don't worry I won't forget about it. Yup! Travel buddies! <3 :) Thank you and talk soon bestie! <333
P.S. I'm so proud of those names haha! I'll send you a picture as well. I also watched Moana 2 yesterday evening and I'll send you (yet) another picture of the theater, so you can see it for yourself <3 Have you watched Moana 2 yet? If not, I'll say it's really good and not spoil it for you. Love you and talk soon!
P.S.S I might be watching Wicked today. Have you watched it? Love you <3333
@toastydoodler
here are the pictures <3
Cookies: 🍪
Sophia and Marcelline: <3 🍅
Movie Theater / Cinema: 🎥
@SeparationAnxietyOverload i’ve been trying to see wicked but almost all the seats at the local cinemas are sold out! i heard moana 2 is really good and now i want to go see it. from the pictures our movie theaters seem about the same, yours are just more organized lol. that’s so funny i never thought about the fact that there are places where you can’t see horses when you’re driving to school or walking through town! those riding places sound really expensive. it’s nice that for such an urban place it’s so green. most of our cities here are pretty… well, gray seems like an accurate description. there’s cool stuff, and parks sometimes, but for the most part it’s not very earthy. i’m sorry your thanksgiving was so tough. i hope you were at least able to enjoy the food. have you ever had pumpkin pie? that’s a classic. i honestly don’t know why turkey is such a big part of it. i think in Canada they do ham instead. it is kind of interesting to drive to different places, but depending on where you are it looks a lot different. in the midwest and the middlish part of the country it’s a lot of corn. i mean a (tw caps) LOT of corn. in the city it takes an hour to get anywhere because of traffic, but im sure you understand that. hopefully someday you’ll find something interesting, even though you’ve seen a lot. the cookies look great! and in my experience, i always say done is better than perfect. they might not look like gordon ramsey prepared them, but they’re not burnt and they probably taste good so i call that a win. lmk when sofia and marcelline get ripe! all my plants are dead from the cold now lol. talk soon bestie, don’t stress yourself out too much with work and family stuff. make some time for you <3 talk soon bestie! love you :D <3 <3 <3
@toastydoodler
we didn't end up going to watch Wicked, my mom changed her mind, sigh. Anyway, it's been like that for our theatres too, Moana 2 had almost no watchers because of the Wicked hype. Yeah, I don't think cinemas can look that different lol. That sounds so cool, your lifestyle is so nice, I wish I could just see horses randomly :) They are, especially because most people who train there are doing it because they pursue horse riding as a sport, not enjoyment. Yeah, it is different from most urban areas out there, but it really isn't much different, just more grass, trees and nature. No it's okay, it wasn't so bad. I've actually never had pumpkin pie, but I really wanna try one. How does it taste? I honestly dislike rotisserie chicken, turkey or any form of meat that is presented that way. I like it when it's presented like just meat. (please tell me I don't sound weird) Anyway, I'm okay with ham, because it's not like a whole pig presentation, and it's more like a leg of ham. I love corn lol, and I've always wanted to grow a field of vegetables or fruits. Scenic driving sounds really nice, it sounds like it'd give us a lot of freedom. I really don't think it looks that good HAHA, it tasted okay though, it was my first time baking a cookie. Yeah I guess so. I definitely will! I'll try my best to make them grow perfectly hehe. Question, do your dead plants grow back in the summer? Anyway, thanks so much for your message and I'll talk to you soon! Love youu <3333 :))
@SeparationAnxietyOverload aw, i’m sorry she changed her mind! you were really excited. i hope you can see it sometime soon. i definitely do enjoy the small town life. i wish there were more people my age in walking distance though. everyone around us is already out of college and/or has had kids of their own (also out of college). me and my siblings are the only ones under 30 out here. at least there’s school though. pumpkin pie tastes mildly sweet and is spiced with things like clove, nutmeg, and cinnamon. it’s got a custardy texture and people often put whipped cream on it. i think it’s good, though it’s not my favorite. but it definitely tastes like the holidays. don’t worry it makes sense that you don’t like it presented that way! it’s always been a part of my life so i’ve been kind of desensitized to it but it definitely does look like the bird, which can be a little off-putting. i’ve never been a ham fan myself, just because it’s a little too salty for me. corn is delicious :) what do you like better, corn on the cob or something different? i personally like it on the cob with butter. it is quite scenic here, especially in the fall! it’s pretty when the leaves turn. most of the highways don’t show it off great but there’s some nice routes that have great views of the trees! for the plant question, it actually depends what kind of plant it is! if it’s a perennial (like daylilies, rhubarb, daisies, sage, and asparagus) then yes, and leaves in trees grow back each year, but otherwise no. also guess what? we got our first snow of the season! here’s a picture: 
it melted by nightfall but it was pretty in the moment. anyway hope you’re doing awesome!!! love you bestie!! talk soon :) <3 <3 <3
@toastydoodler
no it's okay! watching two movies in a week is too far fetched haha! I'll definitely watch it soon, considering I love plays and movie adaptations. Small town life sounds peaceful, but it definitely has some setbacks, but that's okay! It must be hard, living with people that aren't around the same age as you, because then nobody would really relate to your living experiences. It can be hard when nobody understands your views at that age. But yeah, there is school, and your siblings! It sounds so yummy, and it must be really nice to eat when you're cold. I know that feeling, some dishes I don't like, but when I eat them during the holidays, it elevates the experience lol. Yeah, but it's still food so I gotta eat it, you can't waste food. I'll definitely have to get used to it lol. I love corn so much, it's amazing <3 I'm fine with any type of corn lol. Corn on the cob generally tastes sweeter and like more juicy but they always get stuck in my teeth when I bite around the cob lol. I love corn alone as well, especially if it's well buttered, like you said :) woah, it sounds so pretty, I love autumn and fall seasons because it's definitely the prettiest! oh okay! You're so cool because you know so much about the plants! Sophia and Marcelline are browning at the bottom is that normal? The picture is so awing it literally took my breath away. It's soo good! I feel like I'm in the Nutcracker or something! Your photography skills amaze me <3 :)) I wish I could visit somewhere like that soon! Hongkong will be cold, but I don't think it'll snow. Thanks for showing me the picture and talk sooon!
p.s. I'm doing okay, can't wait for 18 December (I'm going vacation) I'll make sure to bring you along hehe! <3 <3 Talk soon bestie! :))))
@SeparationAnxietyOverload if it’s reddish i think that’s just them ripening, but if it’s brown that’s not a great sign. i’m not really sure what’s wrong but try putting your finger into the soil up to your first knuckle. if it feels damp then it has enough water so you don’t have to water it again yet but if it’s dry then you can water it. if the plant’s big then maybe they needs a bigger pot???? i don’t know, i hope it clears up. i can’t wait for the 18th either!! you’re going to have so much fun hopefully. thanks for the compliment <3 the environment definitely gave me a lot of help lol. snow is always pretty. except for when it’s been sitting for a week and is all gray and slushy, then it’s nasty. one of my favorite music artists has been teasing a bunch of new music and now i’m going crazy that it’s not released. other than olivia rodrigo who’s another artist you like? she has a lot of good songs. i thrifted a watch today! i’m buying a different band for it though because the old one was kinda gross. the other day i thrifted a sweater but i have yet to wear it because i need to wash it and since its wool it will shrink in the wash. we have to go buy some woolite or something. i have homework but im putting it off again. sigh. bad habits prevail again ***. anyway that’s my life rn! sorry this is so scattered it’s late here and my mind is all over the place (as always lol). talk soon bestie :))) love youuu <3 <3 <3
@toastydoodler
oh okay, I'll check when get home later. But it's mostly at the bottom of the fruit that has a change in colour from green to like a brownish colour. I'll try my best to check up on them. Thanks for the advice! :)) yeah I hope so too, I can't wait to take loads of pictures and stuff. No problem! You are a very talented photographer :) The environment definitely plays a big part too. Yeah I can kinda see why it may be gross after a few days of sitting there, but snow is nice nevertheless. Oh who is it? For me, I love Conan Gray as well, and ofc, Taylor Swift, I have very white girl music tastes (am I allowed to say that?) That's amazing! I love that for you, what does it look like? How does thrifting work in America? Oh and I'm super curious about garage sales as well. Thrifting here is basically normal shopping, the cheapest thing you can get here thrifting at vintage stores are about 15-20 SGD (11.8 - 14.91 USD) Clothes are really expensive here lol. I prefer hoodies to sweaters but hey they are nice and warm. Congrats on the great thrifting finds! No it's okay to procrastinate sometimes, I do that a lot too, but as long as you get back on track after, it's perfectly fine! My thoughts have been a little scattered recently, especially with the stuff I want to do. I'm making a book tracker to track all of the books I read. I'll send a picture soon. It's okay and rest well! Don't stress out too much about school or homework. If you need someone to talk to, I'll be here! Talk soon bestie! <3 <3 <3 :)))
@SeparationAnxietyOverload for me it’s noah kahan, i just find him so relatable because he sings a lot about small towns and mental health struggles and it resonates with me. lol it’s fine it’s good music. my friend is a huge swiftie like she knows all of the dates when each album came out and everything. thrifting here is really cheap most of the time, but a lot of it’s really old and bad quality so you have to be careful. i generally have better luck at consignment stores. hoodies are so nice. i like to hide in them when i have to go wait outside for the bus on cold mornings (aka most of the school year). ooh, i can’t wait to see your tracker! that’s a nice idea. once i saw someone do a weather blanket where each day they put the high temperature in the blanket as a certain color. it came out cool (or at least it did in the picture). aw, thanks for always being there for me :) i really appreciate it. i had a bunch of homework tonight but i got a lot of it done so i’m alright with it. all of this homework so close to the holidays. where is the teachers’ holiday spirit???? we’re going to read Charles Dickens’s A Christmas Carol because it’s that time of the year. i’ve never seen any adaptations of it except for the donald duck one so we’ll see how it goes. i just watched another movie and now i’m really into one particular character but since it’s her first appearance in the mcu (it’s another marvel movie lol) there’s no more content of her and i’m going crazy. i hate when i find a character i like and relate to and then there’s nothing else for me to watch. arrrgggghhhh. anyway i hope things are going well for you! 8 days (from here, i think it’s 7 for you right now??? the time thing always messes me up) until it’s travel time!!! love you bestie <3 <3 <3!! talk soon :)))
@toastydoodler
noah kahan! I literally heard his name on *** the other day, he seems quite popular. His songs sound pretty good, I'm going to check him out soon. Yeah, your friend seems like a HUGE swiftie lol. My friend used to be one too, but now she prefers Gracie Abrams. Yeah, that makes sense, I wouldn't want to thrift a gross but cheap article. (tw: caps) YEAHH I've kinda been referring to pinterest inspiration pictures. No problem, you've been there for me too <3 <3 Good job! I probably should start on my work too, since I have a job now, sigh. I've actually never read any Charles Dickens books, it seems nice though. I've heard of some of his books, like A Tale of Two Cities, Oliver Twist, etc. Why do teachers give so much homework so close to the holidays? It doesn't seem fair :/ That sounds frustrating, I hope more content of her will be released soon! (fingers crossed) who is it anyway? it's been quite horrible at my end recently, I have so many things I want to do, yet I can't do it because of work. And I'm always helping my dad transfer files and it's so annoying because I do it after work and that takes up so much of my time. I had 0 free time recently and I hate how everybody else doesn't understand that. And I truly want to help my dad quickly, but the stupid softwares and drives are just not cooperating. I spent the whole day at work helping, and I had a super bad headache and my dad asked me to run errands after. (to a literal gas station, to buy coffee for my mom, even though the smell of petrol makes my ears ring - weird phenomenon) and I did it anyway, and when I went home, my mom commented on how Sophia and Marcelline (she didn't call them that, she just said tomatoes) are ready to harvest, even though they haven't fully turned red yet. I started to share with her the stuff you told me, the browning and the tomatoes and stuff, and she literally didn't listen at all. She even told me that she grew up planting tomatoes so she would know. And I literally couldn't handle it and told her to harvest it then. (I think I snapped at her so she got mad at me) I wasn't mad at her for getting mad at me, rather the fact that she doesn't understand why I'm angry and how much emotion I have bottled up. I would appreciate it if she didn't yell and confiscate my phone but instead talk to me and ask me about my day. The fact that you, who lives 9054 miles away can ask me about my day but she cannot is honestly so sad. Like I appreciate you so much <3 But anyway, I hope you're having a good day and thanks for the counting down! (I'm excited too, hopefully my parents don't ruin it) Love you too and talk soon! <3
@SeparationAnxietyOverload i’m sorry, your life doesn’t sound very fun right now. i get how frustrating it is when things aren’t working and then you come home to people who don’t listen to you. it hurts and it makes me angry. i’m always here if you need to vent <3 it sucks that your mom won’t talk to you about stuff. that’s how i feel about life around here, so i understand. my parents didn’t even tell me when we found out my brother had autism, they left the folder on the counter and my sister and i snooped and found out. i hate when adults think they know more than us just because they’re older, and i hate when the only justification they use for something is “because i say so”. it sounds like right now that’s what you’re going through. remember that I’m here for you always <3 working sounds strenuous. i know i said it last time but im going to say it again because it’s important: make time for yourself, because you matter. that does sound like a weird phenomenon! i hope you’re okay. the character i was telling you about is america chavez from doctor strange in the multiverse of madness. her story is so cool and i can’t wait to see it explored more. fun fact: did you know that she is the only america chavez in the whole multiverse? there’s not one of her in every universe like there is for everyone else. she is the only her. tbh a christmas carol has been kind of boring so far, but maybe it’ll get better. the 18th is coming up :) even if your parents make it hard i think you can still have fun because you’re strong and you love to travel. kind of a silly question but how did you come up with 9054? just like random numbers or google maps or smth? pretty specific… i’m kidding lol. i wish your parents were nicer to you. you deserve it. the past few days have been pretty rainy and dreary on my end. the snow is all gone, and now it’s just cold. but at least the week is almost over. talk soon bestie! love you <3<3<3 i’m here if you need me :)
@toastydoodler
yeah it sure doesn't feel good. But thank you for being there <3 It's insane that they didn't tell you, he's literally your brother! I hate it when parents keep important things from us, yet tell us all the hurtful meaningless stuff. yeah, they never do realise that the title of being our parents doesn't justify anything that they do to hurt us. Aw thank you so much <3 I've been super busy switching phone data, working and packing. My mom is angry, yet again, and she slapped my oldest sister for asking a "stupid question". It's depressing to remain in this household. (tw:caps) AMERICA CHAVEZ IS SO COOL OMG OMG OMG! I literally fell in love with her character the moment I watched MOM. Her tragic lore is so sad, and her powers kinda represent our emotions sometimes. I kinda feel with Wanda too, she just wants her kids <3 But she's a super cool character and is super underrated. I get why you love her :) That is so cool! But the realization of the fact that there are no other America Chavezes in other universes living a better life hits hard. I hope I can <3 Lol, I just googled miles between Singapore and America HAHA. I hope that's correct lol. It could be possible that it's more or less, but I'll never know. Thank you so much and love you! <3 <3 <3 sorry for not texting so long :/ 
@SeparationAnxietyOverload sorry this took so long to come, i’ve been really busy these past few days! i think the teachers are trying to fit two weeks of school in one for all of the stuff we’ll miss over break. i’m exhausted, and it sounds like you are too. i’m sorry family life is so hard right now. hitting your sister for being curious is not okay. imo hitting any child for any reason is not okay. i’m so glad there’s someone out there who likes her as much as i do!!! most of the people i’ve talked to don’t know about her. i love her so much. i can’t wait to see how she fits in with the rest of the mcu. what’s her dynamic with dr. strange like after defender strange tried to kill her? is kamar-taj easy for her because of her portals? what else can she do with her powers? her story is so fascinating. i love how she and stephen are like a parent and child it’s so cute. i felt bad for wanda too. so much was taken away from her that i think she just snapped from the pressure and that’s how the darkhold got her. i feel like if someone just gave her a hug and sent her to therapy most of it wouldn’t have happened lol. i think because of the time difference it’s the 18th for you over there (?) so yay!!! i hope getting there isn’t too bad. can’t wait for pictures!!! talk soon bestie! love you <3 <3 <3 :) 🧳
@toastydoodler
No it's okay! School can be tough sometimes, you're honestly more strong than me lol. Yeah, I guess that's the truth. It's 18 December! I'm going at like eleven PM to the airport, our flight is really early in the morning. We're probably just gonna rest in the lounge when we get there. Yeah, I think that Asian culture is really f-ed up. They always give us the excuse that they hit us because they love us. I remember thinking when I was younger that if hitting us is loving us, I wouldn't want to be loved at all. Yeah I love her so much! Yeah I definitely think it'll be like a father/daughter type of relationship, or just the goofy yet stern uncle and his niece. But once she learns how to use all her powers, she'll honestly be soo powerful. Wanda was just in too much grief for Vision and her children. Yeah, maybe she wouldn't have turned out that way if everyone tried to understand her point of view. (Doctor strange telling Wanda that her children aren't real kinda ticked me off. Like hello? Have some awareness.) But I don't think he meant it in a hurtful way. Yeah it is! It's currently 9 A.M. and your post was 13 hours ago, so you must've made this post at 8 P.M. (Singapore time). thanks for looking out for me <3 I'm so excited to make a mini vlog! I probably won't show my face or anything but it'll just be short clips. I'll try my best to text whenever I'm back at the hotel after we're done doing touristy stuff. Talk soon and I love you too! <3 <3 :)
P.S. We harvested Sophia and Marcelline, my mom made them into a salad. They tasted really juicy and fresh. (I can't help but feel like I ate my friend :( ) But that's kind of silly of me. The tomato plant is kinda wilted now, I'm not sure if it's just sagging or truly going to wither. I'll talk to you soon!
@toastydoodler
Hey bestie! My family and I just got picked up by our driver and are going to the airport now ❤ I'm feeling excited and definitely not as bad as these past few weeks. I hope you're doing okay at home and in school, my flight is around 3 hours from now (4:07 a.m. Singapore time) and I'll get off the plane at around 11:35 a.m. I'll definitely text you the moment I reach the hotel. Love you bestie and talk soon! ❤❤❤❤❤ :))))
@toastydoodler
Hii sorry for the spam ❤ here are some videos from Macau :) We didn't do much today, we only explored the hotel and the malls near by. The president of China is visiting Macau so we had to do 5 security baggage checks and everything, it was (tw:caps) INTENSE even compared to Singapore's security. It made me feel safe though. I'll send you two videos, the first one I said some stuff (first time hearing my voice btw :)) and the second one is of a water show at our hotel. Enjoy! And I hope you're doing great :) talk soon bestie! ❤❤❤❤
First Video: Hotel Tour (with voice): https://quickshare.samsungcloud.com/wvTM2uAPJ9f9
Second Video: Water Show (without voice but has potentially triggering loud noises like pops) : https://quickshare.samsungcloud.com/jUUwDwWEg2k9
@SeparationAnxietyOverload omg (tw caps) THAT’S SO COOL. ITS SO PRETTY OMG. the detailing on the pillars and the hotel? gorgeous. the water show was stunning. from the way the sun looked it seemed like a beautiful day to be there too! i can see why you felt like a princess lol, i feel it all the way out here too! i don’t think i’ve seen any building in my life so beautiful. i think your voice is very nice <3 thank you for sharing. i’m glad that we’re at a point where you feel comfortable doing so. i’m going to quebec in about a month so i’ll send some videos from there too! it’s like our little cultural exchange lol. i don’t know about you but i think we learn a lot together. it’s nice talking to someone who shares the same curiosity about other cultures as me. the security sounds intimidating! i’m glad you’re safe though. you must be tired from such an early flight, sleep well tonight! i’m glad sophia and marcelline tasted good lol. naming them definitely makes it harder to eat them but i can never keep myself from calling them things either. it just makes it more fun. not much is going on over here yet, but it’ll be super busy in a few days. tomorrow we have a half day from school and then are off until the beginning of january (thank god, i’m so sick of school by now). i agree with you about the asian culture thing, i hate that it’s normalized to hurt the people you love. isn’t violence the opposite of love? i hope your parents don’t make things too hard over there. you deserve a break. i’ll try and get these off quicker (sorry for making you wait so long). thank you so much for the videos! it’s so beautiful. take it in while you can. love you bestie ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ talk soon :)))
@toastydoodler
I'm glad you liked it :)) I know! Everything felt so extra in the best way. I was shook when I found out that most of the furniture was made out of real hardwood. Like talk about extravagant. The water show was pretty exciting, it was a good way to end the day. The sun was shining, yet it didn't feel hot at all! There was an occasional breeze, and the temperature was around 16 degrees Celsius (60.8 Degrees Fahrenheit) probably not as cold as America right now, but it is a nice change of weather. Aww thanks so much❤, I really appreciate it. Yeah we definitely are! You're actually at the top of my support system :) I've never been to Quebec, I hope you have fun when you do! It is like a cultural exchange, I love how I get to learn more things from you ❤. Me too, I'm so glad I met you :) I would've probably been in a very dark place had I not met you. Yeah I felt kinda bad for eating them, but if I didnt, they would probably go bad. Oh okay, I hope you take care of yourself too :) The end of the school term is near for you so hang in there! Yeah I hate it too, would I really have that many issues if I wasn't born in an toxic Asian household? Yeah but I'm doing okay, except for the fact that my family is really getting on my nerves. It's totally okay, take your time, after all you still have classes over there, and it's best you focus on school work ❤ I really appreciate you and no problem for the videos :) I may be going to see some stone ruins later so I'll film more videos if I can. Thank you and talk soon bestie! ❤❤❤❤ :))
P.S. Did you know chewing gum is generally banned in Macau? In Singapore it's strictly banned but some people purchase gum from our neighbouring country, Malaysia, and sneak it back into Singapore. I'm pretty sure the reason why Singapore banned gum was because someone stuck gum onto like the sides of our trains (MRTS) and they got stuck, which caused a huge transport issue. Anyway, love you and talk to you soon! 🫶
rew but the stones stayed the way they were. i’m pretty sure it’s illegal to move them where i am too, since they’re historical and all that. i can’t believe it’s all real wood! how many trees do you think went into making it? i hope you’re having fun over there. your family might be irritating and mean but i think if you can push through that you’ll find the trip to be very fun. things have been good over here, or at least they should be. school’s out and i’m happy about that. everything has been great, which is why i can’t figure out why i feel so bad. i know i should be happy right now, but all i feel is tired. i wake up and regret it, even though i don’t like sleeping much either (when i can). and for some reason my hands have been shaking lately? seeing your texts always makes me feel better though. like i can handle it. so i’ve been trying my best over here, and i’m hoping i can be happy for the holidays. i hope you can be too. sorry this is so short but my parents are making me clean (again) so i have to go. i’ll try to send another one later 🫶 talk soon bestie! love you ❤️❤️❤️❤️:)
@toastydoodler
I don't know, maybe even a whole forest 😭 depressing to think about actually :/ I am having fun for the most part, we went to Disneyland today, and I screamed my heart out and I lost my voice (tw: caps) HAHAHA. Just a few minor arguments between us and my siblings being mean but other than that, it's honestly okay. Im so happy that school's out for you! It must be such a relief to finally get the rest you deserve! Good job for staying strong until this point ❤️. Now it's only a matter of time until your own vacation! :)) I know, sometimes you need a few days to just let your body do what it needs, it's not a proven scientific fact, but I think it'll be good to listen to our bodies since you have the time to ❤. If these things get worse, please please please go try to consult a medical professional, shaking hands aren't usually a good sign. But I hope and pray everything will go good for you ❤. I hope you'll feel better soon :) I definitely wish that for you too! I'll talk about my Disneyland trip and some pictures once I come back from tomorrow's trip, I'm beat today. (I reached the hotel at 12am) I hope you don't get too stressed out by your parents, so please take care of yourself. Love you and talk to you soon bestie! ❤❤❤ :))
@SeparationAnxietyOverload shoot i’m sorry i just realized half of my message didn’t load 😭 normally i type in a different app (one too many accidental deletions taught me that) but sometimes it doesn’t load. here’s the rest (technically the first part):
wow, it seems like you would need a lot of gum to stick a whole train! i honestly didn’t think that could happen. how were the ruins? they sound really cool. around here we don’t have any real ruins but sometimes if you walk in the woods you’ll find old stone walls from way back in colonial times. farmers had to clear out the ground for farming but there were tons of rocks and boulders that the glaciers brought when they receded thousands of years ago. they used them to build walls because they didn’t really have anything better to do with them, and over time the forest regrew but the stones stayed the way they were.
anyway that sounds really fun! also exhausting please sleep. but mostly fun. i’m glad it’s going well :) once my friend lost her voice and sounded like mickey mouse for a week. it was hilarious. i’ve never been to disney before but most people o know have gone a bunch and said it was really fun. apparently the lines are super long though. i’ll find help if it gets worse i promise! i think it’s mostly a stress thing. i’ve never had super steady hands and maybe my mental health has just been exacerbating it. who knows? certainly not me. today i decorated christmas cookies and watched shows in bed for hours. nice and relaxing (even though my santa cookie looked like something out of a horror novel lol). anyway sleep well <3 can’t wait to hear from you. love you :) <3 <3 <3 <3
@toastydoodler
Haha it's okay! I get technical issues a lot so it's fine ❤. I don't think it was a whole lot. Maybe only like a stick? And it landed in the track to maybe it jammed something. The ruins were pretty cool, there was a temple of a certain god, I'll send you a picture below. That sound amazing! Your town sounds so cool, if I lived in it, I'd probably get lost from exploring the woods lol. I love that, sometimes history can be really interesting, thanks for sharing :) It was tiring, but it was worth it ❤. (Tw: caps) HAHA that sounds hilarious. I've always wanted to breathe in the helium in a balloon but I've always been too scared lol. The lines are pretty long, I took a few videos and stuff, so you can see some stuff without going to Disneyland! Honestly it focuses more on aesthetics rather than thrill, there were only like 3 thrilled rides and they were not much compared to the ones at Universal Studios Singapore. I'm pretty sure the fairs you have back in America are pretty comparable in thrill 🫶. Yeah I guess so, my hands are also shakey by nature. Possibly, but that amount of stress must be unhealthy (sorry for stating the obvious). I hope you get well soon! ❤️ I love decorating cookies! I'm so bad at them lol because I hate using piping bags (I don't have them half the time) so it turns into one big icing cookie mess. I hope you had fun! Merry Christmas too! It's 25 December over here. How about you? Anyway thank you for texting and talk soon! Luv u lots ❤️❤️
Temple Ruins:
Image One: (Back View) https://quickshare.samsungcloud.com/yCXpA8n6HeBa
Image Two: (Legend of Na Tcha) [Pronounced Ner Zha]
https://quickshare.samsungcloud.com/6MPNJKxXKpuG
Image Three: (Temple of Na Tcha)
https://quickshare.samsungcloud.com/wSdU7sydRzy4
P. S. Anyway I also went to this thing called the Peak Tram, which I also visited. It is a tram from the top of Victoria Peak, which allows everyone to see the skyline and sunset. I hope you enjoy them!
Image Four: (Skyline)
https://quickshare.samsungcloud.com/8SX5Yf4M3UgF
Image Five: (Sunset)
https://quickshare.samsungcloud.com/yRWJz298QdyH
Image Six: (Top of Victoria Peak)
https://quickshare.samsungcloud.com/pPKUaWVeVMZk
Image Seven: (Entrance to Disneyland)
https://quickshare.samsungcloud.com/9Aj6GeUP33fy
Image Eight: (Castle)
https://quickshare.samsungcloud.com/yDjVcjkcJCUW
Image Nine: (Frozen's Elsa Castle)
https://quickshare.samsungcloud.com/56ZQQ2mxnjCk
Image Ten: (Marcelline Disney Rail! Coincidence?)
https://quickshare.samsungcloud.com/xWRDWqRdEmqj
Image Eleven: (Arendelle)
https://quickshare.samsungcloud.com/8ZGzW24ZrhT
Image Twelve: (Toy Story Land)
https://quickshare.samsungcloud.com/bjvY1ZBYgbHn
Video One: (It's a Small World Ride)
Please ignore my voice :)
https://quickshare.samsungcloud.com/gE69qmdzMBbb
Video Two: (Fireworks Part One)
https://quickshare.samsungcloud.com/u7dFVN1ae3pe
Video Three: (Fireworks Part Two)
https://quickshare.samsungcloud.com/d3XyJ4ckpPbs
P.S.S - So sorry for spamming, I forgot to send them in the previous messages ❤ Anyway I hope you enjoy and thanks for texting me!
@SeparationAnxietyOverload wow that sounds super fun! the aesthetic looks really nice even if the rides weren’t especially exciting. were there teacups? i’ve gone on them at other fairs and they’re really fun imo. one of my favorite rides i’ve been on is a big boatish thing that goes up steep tracks (like a roller coaster) and then goes down really fast and makes a giant wave. if you’re on the other side of the water then you get drenched. it’s so fun. lol i have gotten lost in the woods before, so i keep a compass and map on hand while im hiking for safe measures. there’s a ton of trails near my house (again, very rural place- by that i mean in a tiny town in the middle of the forest) so when it’s nice we go. only if we have someone to watch my brother though because he hates hiking and complains the whole time. it’s been too cold to do it lately, even though the snow is mostly gone. thank you for all of the pictures and videos <3 i really appreciate them. i love my almost-travels with you. i’m sorry these have been so slow lately. i love being home but a side affect is having absolutely zero energy for anything :( i feel so unproductive and i still technically have homework to do. i should’ve done it when it was fresh in my mind but you know me. if i don’t turn it in on the day it’s due there’s something wrong. i hope you’ve been doing well. sending love from 9054 miles away :)<3<3<3 talk soon bestie :) love you <3
@toastydoodler
Yeah it was fun! The vibe was pretty good, but the people in HongKong are so mean. (Am I allowed to say this?) But I've never actually encountered or seen a fight happen in all of the countries I visited throughout Asia and most parts of Europe! In HongKong we were literally involved in a minor fight, people pushing us in the crowds, people kicking my mom purposely, people stepping on us, blowing soap bubbles into the food we bought at Disneyland (while we were eating it, like what???) They were also so mean, and only certain boutique stores (makeup, branded designer shops) and hotel staff were nice to us. Even some store owners told us how a small painting was worth 68 million dollars and we actually believed it until we realized she was joking (How rude!) I think she was trying to tell us that we couldn't buy anything in the store. When we were leaving she said Bye! In such a mean tone. I didn't ride on the tea cup ride at Disneyland, because it gives me nausea, but it's pretty fun! There wasn't such a ride at Disneyland, they only had the one you described but without any water. It sounds soooo cool tho! do you mind sharing with me the small town fair experience? :)) Woah, that makes you sound like a real adventurer, it's like we're living in different worlds :) It must be nice kind of having the freedom to go anywhere you want in the forest. Have you encountered any wild animals? I hope all your hikes will be fruitful, beautiful and most importantly, safe! <3 That makes sense, especially because it can get pretty cold in the forests. You're welcome! I was thinking about sending these to you all the time :) Aww, I like sharing them with you too! You're an amazing best friend :) Me too! I can't wait when it's your turn to send me records of your exciting travels! It's totally okay to feel that way, it's fine to take a break and do the things you love, or even just not do anything! It's important to take a break (multiple consecutive breaks, even) so that you are mentally fit <3 Hang in there! :)) If you need any help, I'm always here! Good luck on your homework and I hope your holidays will be uplifting and restful! <3 <3 <3 Love you bestie and talk soon! <3 <3 <3 (Sending warm hugs from 9054 miles away as well <3)
p.s. We should make 9054 our code number that'll mean something important. Any suggestions? (ily and I hope you're having a great day/afternoon/evening/night <3 Rest well! :)))) <33)
@SeparationAnxietyOverload those people are so mean! >:( nobody is allowed to be mean to my bestie. i can’t believe they would do that. it hurts them as much as it hurts you (don’t they know that you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar?). so rude! next time i go to a fair i’ll definitely take videos for you! there’s a lot of fried food (hello, american food industry) and there is always a ferris wheel. every fair or theme park i’ve ever been to has had a ferris wheel. i think it’s their thing. yeah, we were hiking once and the trail markers were super faint/nonexistent so we had to kind of coagulate our way back to the trail. the view at the end was super worth it though! the freedom is nice. there’s a ton of wild animals here. we have deer, squirrels, foxes, snakes (only harmless ones), coyotes, rabbits, hawks, owls, groundhogs, etc. Basically any animal you’d find in a kids book with the forest as a setting. once we had a deer that stood outside and ate our flowers. we tried to get it to move but it just stared at us, bold as brass! thanks for the wishes :) i will do my best to stay safe (and photograph any wildlife i see). i love that idea! 9054 has become such a special number. it feels like our own little inside joke and i smile whenever i think of it. maybe it could mean, like, a word of support, or i love you. just overall best friend care vibes being sent in your direction :) and if either of us is in need of support and love instead of asking (because sometimes that’s hard, especially when you’re struggling) we could just say “9054?” and we both know what it means. so in that case, 9054 bestie! love ya <3 <3 <3 talk soon :)
@toastydoodler
Yeah they were pretty mean, but I feel so much better now, because of your reassurance❤️ thank you🫶 (I love that phrase, I'm going to save it now lol) but id love to see those videos! (tw:caps) HAHA but I love seeing those tik toks of people eating at American Restaurants. I really want Chilli's lol. Have you tried Chilli's? Woah, the marker things sound truly out of this world. I'd love to navigate them and maybe like find a cliff or something. Woahhh, so many animals! That sounds truly magical lol, if that happened, it would make the headlines of our newspaper, that's how boring we are here HAHA. Aww your welcome, I love having you as my bestie, it's so fulfilling. It makes me all bubbly and happy when someone remembers every little small thing and detail about me, especially random facts lol. It has indeed become a really important number ❤️ okay sure, I love that idea, thank you! 🫶 9054 back to you too! ❤️❤️ love you and I hope you have an amazing day. I don't know if it's 1 Jan for you there but Happy New Year! ✨✨✨❤️❤️🫶🫶 I hope 2025 will be better for both of us ❤️ I love you bestie and talk soon! 🫶
@SeparationAnxietyOverload happy 2025 bestie! can you believe it’s been almost 6 months since we met? i’m so glad that we did, and that we’ve been able to grow together all the while. here’s to many more :) i’ve actually never tried chili’s before! we don’t get fast food a whole lot because my mom doesn’t like it and we never have time (3 sports, 3 kids, and a halfway absent mother). we drive past it all the time though. lol, it might be boring to you but i’m always happy to hear about life there! what’s life in the city like? if you forget something can you just walk to the grocery store and get it? i’ve always wondered about that. school’s back on again. the only things teachers are talking about now is the midterm in a few weeks. (side note my backspace button just erased that whole sentence without me even touching it???) i’m not excited. i’m not good at studying as you know so this is pretty much the bane of my existence right now. i’m glad you’re still able to chill lol. also reminder (in case you forgot) that i’m always here for you and you are a wonderful person and friend, and i care about you very much! 9054 :) love you <3 <3 <3 talk soon bestie!!!
@toastydoodler
@SeparationAnxietyOverload i love your messages, no matter what length they’re at! sometimes people just have to talk, and sometimes doing anything at all seems overwhelming. no matter what i’m here for you. the hardest thing about it isn’t even her being gone all the time, it’s the fact that i know she does care. she tries. but she’s gone anyway. the irrational part of me wonders if it’s my fault, and maybe she doesn’t want to be around me. i know it’s just her job but sometimes it’s hard to accept. wow, i’ve never seen a green bus before! most of the ones here are blue (or yellow if it’s a school bus. do you have school busses, or do people just take the regular ones?) those wet markets sound super cool, even if they do smell lol. they sound like the farmer’s markets that they had where i used to live. i’m a sucker for fresh food. something about it just tastes better imo. i don’t think i’d get up at 4 am for it though, id be asleep! those Kisau people seem very… intense. also a little like karens o_o they’ve got some serious dedication. i had latkes for dinner last night. have you ever had one? they’re a jewish food traditionally made out of potato shreds that have been fried in oil. you eat them with sour cream and applesauce. they’re one of my favorites :) thought you’d like to hear about them. anyway sleep well, don’t stress to much, remember i’m here for you to rant if it gets annoying and 9054! i love you bestie!!! talk soon :) <3 <3 <3
@toastydoodler
Thank you <3 I really appreciate it :) I wish she would just try to justify and show her care by being there. Actions speak louder than words after all, I totally get it when you feel negative emotions pertaining to your mom always being absent <3 It’s never your fault, don’t ever think that, but if you do , please just chill out and remember that I’m always here for you :) It’s our parents’ job to take care of us, and if we have these thoughts, it’s clear that they aren’t doing it right. It’s okay to take some time to slowly understand this, but it’s never your fault <3 sending warm hugs 🫂🤗 Woah, blue buses definitely sound cool and totally different! This is about to sound like a huge culture shock, but we don’t exactly have school buses (at least ones similar to yours) in Singapore. The students from various schools just figure out how to get to their school using the regular commute. There are occasions where parents “car-pool” , and parents send their kids (they may not know each other, but they are always from the same school) to go to school using a shared bus. These buses are definitely more like a van, and we call it a private bus. Sounds fancy, but it really isn’t that much. Yeah! They are so cool, but as more generations emerge, younger people tend to favor air-conditioned supermarkets. As much as I like clean areas, the loss of such rich culture is kinda saddening. (Wet markets are considered a cultural thing here, because Singapore was a fishing village in the past like a long time ago. Around the 14th century I think.) Real, I’d never get up so early unless for a flight or something. They are definitely intense lol, there was a recent article in our newspaper about a parent who made his son do so many test papers for his finals, Primary School Leaving Examinations (PSLE), that when you stack them up vertically, it was taller than his son. It’s funny but also kind of sad :( I’ve never had latkes, but they sound delectable! I’m kinda getting extra-fried potato pancakes from this, and it’s literally making my mouth water. Thanks for thinking to share this with me <3 I get why such a delicious dish would be your favourite! :)) I’d love to try some, maybe I can make some in the future lol. Yup I will take care of myself! Make sure to take care of yourself as well! Love you and 9054! <3 <3 <3
@SeparationAnxietyOverload no school buses?!? that’s crazy to me. i take the bus to school every day. it’s freezing in the winter and sweltering in the summer, but it’s been a part of my routine since i started formal schooling. some people around here carpool or drive in if they’re old enough (or get their parents to drive them), but most people bus in because it’s easier for the parents and its free (i think. don’t quote me on that). it’s so sad that culture is being lost in so many places. people don’t go out and see the world anymore. no museums or art galleries or markets. i think it’s because of all of the screens nowadays. don’t get me wrong, technology is very useful and can be quite enjoyable! but nothing compares to seeing a painting from hundreds of years ago in person, or buying the freshest of produce to make your lunch with. it makes me sad that people aren’t learning about the world that they live in anymore. school made learning tedious and stressful, when in the real world it’s so fun. i hate that they put a grade on something humans do already. i actually really like learning about things, especially when it’s with you! following a boring, watery curriculum in an unforgiving environment is not fun though. i don’t know. i’m glad you enjoyed hearing about latkes. it’s nice having someone who’s willing to listen to me about random stuff like this. thanks. 9054 bestie, love you :) <3 <3 <3 talk soon
@toastydoodler
first of all, (tw:caps) IM SO SO SORRY THAT I DIDNT REPLY FOR SO LONG, I didn't think to check the actual forum, and only checked the notifications but weirdly, it didn't show up. I feel so bad :( But yeah school buses aren't a thing here, it's more of a generalized bus transport system. ohh, that makes sense, we have so many modes of transport here, it's crazy. that's so real, I wish people would appreciate stuff more. It's definitely due to screens lol, I'm sure of it. Not that I don't scroll on *** sometimes, but some people are really really really addicted to their devices. honestly, facts. It's crazy how that statement is so true and blatant, I wish I could explore more cultural stuff but Singapore is tinyyy. Don't get me wrong, I love studying, it's literally my life's purpose, but what you said has a point. Why bother staying in a classroom half the time when you can get hands on learning experiences? Aww me too, I love hearing about another person's perspective on things, It's refreshing and amazing! 9054 back to you and I love you so so so much! <3 <3 <3
@SeparationAnxietyOverload technical issues happen, i’m just glad you’re okay! i should be studying like you do, my midterms are next week and i have no clue what i’m doing. on the upside the canada trip is almost here! we leave on friday at 7:30 sharp for an eight hour bus ride. i can feel my legs cramping already. i keep stressing on if i’ve packed everything i need yet. no matter how many times i double check i feel like i’m forgetting something. with luck it won’t be anything important. not a whole lot has happened lately but i can’t find my calculator and i really need to figure out where it is or i’ll fail midterms and i will cry. wish me luck that i’ll find it soon because i’m stressing so hard. i had it the other day but i was rushing to get to bed because my parents were getting annoyed so i ran into a table and accidentally dropped my favorite mug :( it shattered into a million pieces and i was so sad. once my parents finally left me alone for the night i cried for hours. how have things been with you? i’m always open if you want to rant. i love talking with you. it always makes me feel better. 9054 bestie, ily so so so much (*gestures with arms wide open like a toddler* thiiiiisssss much!) :) talk soon <3 <3 <3
@toastydoodler
Yeah, I’m sorry I didn’t check in earlier <3 Lol, currently I’m drinking a bottle of Fanta whilst rotting in my bed (tw: caps) HAHA. I should be too, my termly assessment is in like two weeks. It’s totally okay, just take your time and rest when needed. Don’t push yourself too hard! Procrastination is sometimes the body’s way of telling you that you need rest <3 It’s totally fine to put something off for a short while. Anyway, I’m so excited for you! I can’t wait to see the adventures you embark on lol <3 :)) Yikes, an eight hour bus ride? My legs would cramp within 45 mins 😭 On the bright side, at least you can see some views (I hope) on the way there. I get that feeling so often, at this point it needs to be studied. I hope for that too, just make sure you have everything on you that you need. (Phone, charger, powerbank, water bottle, travel documents, allergy medicine?, book - if you want, socks, skincare?, and maybe your wallet) These are just a few, especially the emergency medicine, or equipment (like inhalers) , they are really important! Aww, it’s okay, I’m sure you’ll find it soon :( I wish I could help you look for it! This seems silly but I sometimes think about us having a sleepover. We could clean your room, and sing our hearts out to Noah Kahan or something :) Sigh, I’ve actually never had a sleepover. Nooooo! I can’t believe that would happen! What did it look like? Maybe we should give it a name and make an imaginary grave. (jeez I sound weird huh). I hope you’re doing okay with the loss of your favourite mug! Maybe you can find another one in Canada :) fingers crossed! I’m fine, just that the guy I secretly liked has a girlfriend :( he was leading me on I swear. Whatever, he was super mean anyway. I’m fine so far, and if you need to rant I’m here too! 9054 and Ilyyy!! <3 <3 <3 sending loads of hugs!! I love you to the moon and back bestie!!
@SeparationAnxietyOverload oh my god, i wish you could see my face while i’m reading this. you made me smile so big :) i’ll take a break and do some little bits for everything. thanks for the advice. ikr i can feel my legs cramping already! currently night before we leave for me and i’m kinda just throwing random things into my backyard in hopes it’s the right choice. good idea for the book though- i’ll probably end up reading the whole way there lol. also update: i found my calculator! it was in a different compartment of my backpack than it usually is lol. i’m so bad with stuff like that no matter what if it’s not where it was before it’s gone. ngl i wish we could have a sleepover too. we could make a shared playlist and do a book swap and everything :) maybe one day. i’ve slept over with cousins (and my twin for 12 years but that doesn’t count lol)
this was the biggest bit of the mug (please ignore my badly painted nails and the awful photoshop- this was right before i had to throw it away so it was over the trash). it was so pretty :( i’ve been looking for ones like it online but my parents thrifted it like 20 years ago so i don’t think there’s another one out there. thanks for the offer, it means a lot. i didn’t really refer to it as anything except “my mug”. that guy does sound mean! i hate when people lead others on, why would they toy with someone else like that??? >:( do they not realize how mean and rude it is or are they just awful? you’re too good for him anyway. sending hugs and vibes from 9054 miles away :) ily!!! talk soon bestie <3 <3 <3 9054
@toastydoodler
Haha im glad I made you smile :) Yup! That’s the spirit :)) <3 Yayy! I don’t know when you’ll see this but I wish you all the best for the trip! Message me whenever you have time, no rush <3 Enjoy your trip and stay safe <3 yeah books do come in handy all the time. Lol, that’s so relatable, that’s why I get so much anxiety when I pack xd. Omg good job! The universe definitely heard your prayers <3 Everything will be fine <333 fr, I never had a freaking childhood i swear. Definitely one day <3 how cool would it be if we met I would probably sob on the spot. That definitely sounds amazing! (p.s. You had a twin???? Omg that’s so cool! I wish I had a twin. Does it feel like you have telepathy?) Noo, that’s a gorgeous cup :((( I totally get your distress now. It’s totally fine! Your nails look better than mine lol. I could try running a few searches on Etsy to see if there are any similar cups. It gives me porcelain chinese mug vibes, I’ll insert similar inspirational photos here. If you want me to search for some mugs (if you don’t it’s totally fine!) it’d be really helpful if you could tell me the material, it seems like ceramic? I don’t wanna assume though. No problem! The moment I can, I’ll make a grave in one of my pots. I’m honestly a horrible person for even liking him in the first place :( He was so mean I don’t know what I saw in him. It’s like that mean vibe yk. (Ew im cringing at myself) you should’ve seen some of his texts like they were literally so misleading! (or it’s just my delusions haha) But no more of that annoying guy, your trip and happiness are what matters <3 Aw, thank you for that, it made me smile. Love you too, and sending you a million finger hearts from 9054 miles away too! Enjoy your trip bestie and talk soon!!! <3 <3 <3 :)))
Chinese Porcelain Coffee Mugs for Sale | Redbubble
Jingdezhen Blue and White Porcelain Mug Chinese Dragon Ceramic Office Water Cup
(Let me know if these pictures help!) love you <3 <3 <3
P.s. I’m writing a book about like penpals and stuff, and most of it is based off you and I, like friendship and stuff. The names will be different though. I was wondering if you’d be okay with me taking inspiration from our friendship <3 I want to also like give acknowledgments to you on the front page once it gets printed (or if, considering publishing companies are so strict nowadays). This doesn’t mean that I was just friends with you for inspiration or anything like that. You’re truly my best friend and I will continue to be even if you don’t like the realness of the book <3 Love ya and talk soon!
@toastydoodler
oops the images didn't go through. (sryy) here are the actual ones. 
@SeparationAnxietyOverload sorry it’s taken me so long to respond! these days have been super late and the mornings have been early too. unfortunately my twin and i don’t have telepathy but often we do walk out of the house accidentally wearing the same clothes. thank you so much for looking for my mug :) it means a lot. it was ceramic. but it’s been (tw caps) SO FUN. i have absolutely fallen in love with quebec. so far we have: gone tobogganing, been to a First Nations museum, gone tubing, seen an ice hotel, been in a theatre workshop, gone to Montgomery Falls, walked around the city on our own for a bit, gone dogsledding, petted puppies (!!!), gone to a sugar shack, and had so many delicious meals. tomorrow is our last day :( but we’re still doing a few things. our tour guide has been super nice. i’m sad we have to leave and i haven’t studied a bit yet but somehow the city makes it feel easier. it’s currently almost midnight here so i should definitely go to sleep but i’ll attach some pictures and videos here. i am so honored to be a part of your book <3 you mean a lot to me and it’s nice to see that we’ve both come such a long way from where we were before. i am so so so lucky to have you. thank you for choosing me to be your friend <3 <3 <3 ilysm talk soon :) <3 <3 <3
@toastydoodler
It’s okay! It’s your vacation after all <3 <3 <3 I get it, no worries :)) That sounds as close to magic as it can get haha! No problem, I get attached to so many items in my room it’s crazy. Ceramic always makes drinks taste nicer, I wonder if there’s a certain science to it. That sounds amazing!! I’m so happy for you! Tobogganing sounds like crazy fun! There’s something about fast paced rides that get me so hyped up! Woah, tubing sounds great too! I’ve never seen an ice hotel, how was it? I searched it up and it literally gives Elsa (tw: caps) HAHA. OMG MONTGOMERY FALLS! It looks so amazing in the pictures, it must have been such a breathtaking experience. Puppies must be so cute and fluffy over there! Omg everything sounds so out of this world there! I’ve never even been in a sugar shack! Did you try anything maple syrup flavoured? I can only imagine how good the food was there. Aww, I’m sorry your vacation was so short, but at least you had fun! I get hit so hard by the post-vacation blues. But it’s okay! I’m sure that there are some things to look forward to once you get home! Oof, I’m sorry for making you stay up 👉👈 Thanks for taking the time to attack pictures! I really appreciate it <3 <3 Aww, me too, the whole idea of the book was inspired by you after all! I wouldn’t be able to write it without you and our friendship! <3 Me too, I couldn’t imagine a day without your amazing messages! Ilysm and 9054! (or even further, now that you’re in Canada :) talk soon, bestie! <3 <3 <3 Have a good rest too :))))
@SeparationAnxietyOverload don’t worry i was awake anyway! but id stay up later than anyone else if it was for you. i’ll have to look into the ceramic thing. maybe because it’s thinner it transmits heat easier??? idk. i’m trying to figure out how to attach videos so i can show you some, what website do you use? ik i was so scared for tubing and tobogganing, but im really proud of myself for doing it even though i was scared. fun story: me and my buddy (we used the buddy system to make sure nobody got lost) got stranded on the far side of the mountain 😭😂 we were trying to go onto one of the bigger rides, but we realized we didn’t have enough people because it was just us at the time and you needed like four people to do it. we went down some of the other ones, but then we couldn’t find our way back to the central part of the resort place. we went up and down the tube slopes until we finally found the little exit back to the bigger tubing hill. it was crazy but kinda fun, in a way. the puppies were so soft :0 and i got to drive the dogsled!!! it was so insane and cool i’d literally been dreaming of it since i was a little kid. when i was younger i had a huge obsession with dogs and anything dog-related (as in, point to the dog on the street and i would tell you what kind it was and five fun facts about the breed) and i always wanted to drive my own dogsled. it was so cool to check that off my bucket list. midterms have been going p well so far, i’ve had 3 so far and 2 after this. technically i had 7 total, not 5, but two were projects i’d already finished. how have things been going with you? how’s school? i hope it’s good. remember to take breaks if you need them, and i'm always here to help you. keep me posted on your book :) i’m going to sleep now so im prepped for tests tomorrow but sleep well (or be awake well??? idk what the opposite is but sleep well if you see this at night). ilysm!!! 🫶 talk soon :) <3 <3 <3
@toastydoodler
Oh okay! Just make sure you rest well <3 Yeah, or maybe it could just be the fact that we are biased cuz it’s our favourite cups :) I hope you get a new one soon! I don’t use any website, I use a Samsung phone so I just use the quick share by link function. I think you could use like a file converter or something like that :) real, I saw videos of people tobogganing and I was like woah. I hope you had loads of fun! Omg no way! Thank god you guys managed to get back, I lowkey would be panicking so much. Anyway at least you guys managed to explore a little bit more because of it! (tw:caps) OMG UR LITERALLY LIVING MY LIFE. I can imagine all the soft coats of the little cute puppies!!!! It must’ve been amazingggg! I’ve always wanted a furry companion, whether a cat or dog. It honestly doesn’t matter. (honestly fair obsession, that almost seems like a superpower haha!) I don’t have a bucket list, simply because I don’t know if I’ll be able to do all of them in time. I should probably make one soon. That’s great, it’s good that you’ve finished most of your work! I hope you take good care of yourself and take care <3 everything is fine, just that I’ve been so guilty for sleeping again. Sigh. I literally slept for 4h after school and I was DISTRAUGHT. I have co curriculars until 5.30pm tomorrow (friday) wish me luck! It is at night rn, thank you! Ilysm and 9054!!! Talk soon bestie <3 <3 <3
@SeparationAnxietyOverload question, what’s a co-curricular? is that like your photography club? like an elective outside of school? ik they were (tw caps) SO FLUFFY I WAS ABOUT TO CRY RIGHT THREB AND THERE THEY WERE SO CUTE. i wish i could’ve taken a picture but they had a strict “no phones” rule because it excites the dogs. exams are over 😮💨 finally. please don’t feel bad about taking naps! if your body needs rest, there’s a good reason and it’s better in the long term to lose a little daylight and sleep. my room is an absolute mess right now but i don’t have the energy to deal with it so i’m probably just gonna wait until tomorrow to do anything. i don’t know where to put anything and it’s driving me insane. what’s your least favorite chore? mine’s laundry or sweeping. i don’t mind dishes though. also i have a funny story about quebec for you! i was walking to the lower city with my friend and i was wearing a sweatshirt with my school on it, because for all of my sports and school activities there’s always the option of getting one and i like clothes (especially warm ones- i’m always cold. i cannot sleep at night right now without 7 blankets on my bed because of the weather) and this lady i’ve never seen before comes up to me and asks if it’s in my state. it turns out she lives in the town over and our schools play each other sometimes. like cool i guess but you thought it was a good idea to go up to a kid on the street and ask where they live??? that’s not creepy at all lol. it was well meaning but the execution was awful. have you had any moments like that? take care of yourself! i love you so so so so so much :) talk soon bestie <3 <3 <3
@toastydoodler
Yeah, it’s basically an activity that everyone is required to take. Certain schools offer certain co-curriculars. Yeah, like my photography club! But really, it could be a sport, interest group, uniform group, etc. (tw:caps) FR, that is SUCH A VALID REACTION. Yeah makes sense, I wonder why they didn’t just make everyone turn off their flash but anything for the safety of the puppies <3 (tw:caps) YAYYY! Now you have loads of time to rest and regenerate! :)) For me, they just started. Sigh :( But I’ve dealt with worse and I (tw:caps) WILL STOP AT NOTHING TO GET ALL As. I know, I just get so much guilt and pent up anxiety for sleeping when I’m not supposed to. I suppose so, but my body just chooses to do whatever it wants even when it’s not the appropriate time. Real, I try my best to make my room as clean and neat as possible so I know where everything is. My least favourite chore? Hmm, probably washing my clothes. Most of my clothes my mother shoves into the washing machine, but some clothes need to be handwashed. It’s so exhausting :( Real, I love washing, it’s so relaxing to think that a dish is clean because of me! Same, I have like 3 types of shirts with my school name slapped on the back and front of it lmao. Omg I would honestly be so awkward and bawl. In Singapore it’s super rare for these “moments” because everyone is so reserved. I think in Asian cultures, people who are strangers don’t talk randomly in the streets. That’s why American culture is so foreign to us because what do you mean someone can just randomly compliment your outfit, or yell slurs at you? In Singapore, I’m pretty sure the compliment will be greeted with an awkward nod or like a silent stare. The slur part, I’m not so sure :/ But no, I’ve never had that with strangers, but with old friends, sometimes. (But I guess that doesn’t count) I love to hear wholesome public moments though! I just wish Asian culture wasn’t this, cold. Yk? Anyway I love you so much too! 9054 :)))) I hope you have some good rest after the exams! Sorry for the late reply, I went for a short vacation to Malaysia (literally a 45min drive if there is no traffic). Talk soon bestie and ily! <3 <3 <3
P.s. I’m trying Wingstop for the very first time on Tuesday, (the temptations consumed my thoughts xd), and I’ll update you after!!! Have you had Wingstop? If you have any favs, I’ll probably get them. I don’t know who else I’ll get Wingstop flavour advice from, other than my bestie! Okay talk soon! <3 <3 <3
@toastydoodler
Real, that already sounds (tw:caps) SO AWKWARD. I didn’t end up going :(, because my friend cancelled on me literally an hour before the meet up. (tw:caps) AND DO YOU KNOW THE WORST PART? I bumped into him AT THE MALL, with HIS FRIENDS QUEUING UP AT WINGSTOP! Like if you didn’t want to eat with me, just say so! Why did you have to come up with a whole lie :( It kind of ruined my appetite so I didn’t eat anything. (I planned on eating alone when he cancelled) But you know what, it’s alright. All the shows I watch make American lunches seem like ***, is it really that bad? That’s honestly so relatable, why give us so little portions? (I’m a big back HAHAHA) I dislike wings with bones in them though, I prefer drums or like boneless wings. Aww, thank you, though I admit I’ve been slacking these days, sigh. A uniform group is a group of people that wear uniform and do activities relating to an organization. My school offers Scouts, NPCC, NCC Sea, NCC Land, and Red Cross. Scouts are basically Girl Scouts but for boys, NPCC is National Police Cadet Corps (They do activities and train to become a “policeman” or something like that), NCC Sea resembles like a marine cadet type of military group, NCC Land is like soldiers and Red Cross are like the people who provide medical aid. It sounds horrible, (yes it is), they have to train and do push ups (vom) and other stuff like that. In my school, it’s called the reject co curriculars because no one wants to go for them, those who didn’t get chosen by their co curricular group directly would go to these ones. We all have to wear uniforms 😭 It’s so cool that you guys can wear whatever you like! (with the dress code, ofc) Weaving sounds so fun! It’s giving peaceful cottage vibes (please tell me you understand where I’m coming from) No, I haven’t done anything like that, Singapore is pretty boring :/ I can imagine how serene the whole process is. Putting all your focus into a set of actions can be pretty draining but it puts you in a particular headspace that feels like you’re floating. Don’t worry! You’ll get there eventually! Happy Year of the Snake to you! It’s a public holiday for us here because it’s Chinese New Year! I’ll talk to you more about the stuff we do in the next message, or else this will get wayyy too long. Talk soon and I love you so much!!! <3 <3 <3 9054 :)
P.s. Head teachers in my school emailed me about my choice of Self Initiated Learning (basically writing a book) and they said it may be unrealistic and it may also impact my studies :( but obviously I wrote an email back saying I’m doing it no matter what and they relented :)) hehe i’m kinda proud of myself for keeping it polite lol. Talk soon bestie!! <3 <3 <3 I hope you’re doing okay as well <3
@SeparationAnxietyOverload first of all i’m so sorry this is coming so late. i’m afraid i have a tendency to push the people who i love away when i’m struggling, and i think that’s what has been happening. lately it’s felt like there’s a hole where my heart should be, and it’s barren and surrounded by walls. it’s lonely. it… hurts, in a way i don’t really know if i can describe. i feel sad and angry no matter what i do and i don’t know how to get past it. 9054. so i’m sorry. you deserve so much better than me and my problems. that was so mean of him! and he shouldn’t have lied. i don’t know about you but i would so much rather hear someone talk bad about me to my face than behind my back. american school food isn’t awful, but it’s definitely not high cuisine. it was worse before we changed to the new provider at my school but it’s never been nameless slop or “mystery meat”. then again, maybe i’m just lucky. what’s your uniform like? most pictures o see of uniforms are, like, polo shirts and ties, so is it like that? yessss, it’s absolutely cottagecore vibes! my first one is coming along but me, being dumb, chose a super skinny yarn so it’s taking forever 😭 but it’s nice. i’m so proud of you for sticking up for yourself and still being polite! even when you were faced with doubt and skepticism, you stayed the bigger person. that’s huge, and i’m so so proud of you. i can’t wait to see how it comes along. i made a bunch of valentines cards with my grandmother and they came out p good. we used pictures of flowers from an old seed catalog and colored paper. i’ll take pictures next time i see them. i wish i could send you one. god knows you deserve it, putting up with me. anyway i love you so so so so much <3 <3 <3 talk soon bestie :) 9054 🫶
@toastydoodler
No you’re good, I totally get that, sometimes we have do things because it’s our emergency reaction and there’s probably something bothering you <3 it’s totally okay and I’m so sorry you had to go through it alone <3 That sounds horrible, feeling alone and isolated is definitely not pleasant. I hope I can help you get through this, and even though it feels that way, you’re not weak and are probably the strongest and most positive person I’ve ever met. You mean so much to me it hurts. Please please please, take care of yourself and try not to overwhelm yourself okay? Maybe we can work through this together to figure out why you feel this way <3 you’re not alone <3 you’re definitely not a liability no matter what your brain says otherwise. I don’t know what I’d do without you. I know, i don’t know why all my classmates and school friends are like this :( But I got over it so it’s all good. American High-school food is definitely portrayed super badly in shows oof. I think that Singaporean school food is pretty good, but then again I don’t eat in school a lot. Since my school is a boys school (vom), our formal uniform is a white button up shirt with brown shorts/ white long pants. Our sports attire is a yellow top with black sports shorts. It’s pretty comfortable in my opinion. We have to wear our ties until 10am every Monday. It gets hot but I’m used to it. (tw:caps) HAHA I love that aesthetic so much. It’s so coquette. Honestly, I’d probably do that too HAHA. Something about the tightly knit yarn is more comforting than the super fluffy overwhelming yarn. Aww thank you, it really wasn’t that big of a deal. <3 Ooooh, that sounds so cute! Is Valentine’s day a big thing in America? We barely do anything and half the time nothing unique happens. The card making thing sounds so cool. Real, I wish I could mail you like a cute letter or something <3 I don’t know how postmail works though. Maybe we could figure it out and exchange letters! Then we could be penpalling through actual letters! But this works just as well :) I love you so much too, and talk soon bestie <3 (stay strong ily) :))) <3 <3 <3 9054 🫶
@SeparationAnxietyOverload I truly cannot express how much this all means to me. even more, coming from you. you always help, even when you don't recognize it. I get all caught up in my own head, overanalyze things and borrow fear and sadness from the future. you understand me better than anyone else. you recognize me for who I am, not my relations (or lack thereof) to other people. whenever I start to spiral, I think of you and feel so much calmer. thank you so so so so so much <3 yeah Valentine's day is pretty big here (not that I would know, i've never dated before. pathetic, I know). there's always those heart-shaped chocolate boxes at the stores. lots of couples go out for dinner or go on a date so if you go to somewhere heavily populated you just see couples walking around everywhere. it's kind of sweet. I don't think anyone's doing that around here this year lol, its been snowing on and off for the past two months. it was going to snow then rain today so we had a snow day from school because the roads would be too icy and dangerous. but happy news: my aunt was pregnant and went into relatively early labor and now I have another baby cousin!!! so far I don't know his name or anything but he's so little 😭 I can't wait to meet him. I really want to be the best big cousin for this kid. my sister has that with one of my other cousins (I have 6 now, on one side, and two that I actually am familiar with on the other). whenever we go anywhere he always comes in asking for her. I find that most kids aren't all that fond of me, especially compared to my twin. the age gap between me and the new baby is giant, though... I hope it doesn't mess anything up. but I'm so excited!!! do you have any cousins? omg I wish we could penpal actual letters that would be so cool. I could decorate all of the envelopes and everything lol.
on a different note, I do have something I want to tell you. we've been talking for a while now, and I honestly can't imagine my life without you anymore. you're more than a pen pal, you're my best friend. I trust you with everything in my being, and I love you. I like sharing things with people I love. as such, I want to share something with you... my name. it doesn't mean you have to use it, if you prefer using toastydoodler or toasty or doodles or whatever that's okay too. I just wanted to show you this other part of me. so here it is: my real name is Leah. wow, that was kind of anticlimactic. sorry. anyway I just wanted to give you a name to go with the words. and to show that I love you.
now I don't really know what else to say. I think my brain has run out of words for the night, so talk soon bestie :) ilysm <3<3<3<3<3 9054
@toastydoodler
Aww, it makes me feel happy to know that you’re at the very least slightly calmer <3 It’s okay to get lost in your head sometimes, I think of it as like taking a little adventure! (silly, i know) I’m happy that you feel seen, it’s important to feel recognised <3 I’ll try my best to make you feel that way because you deserve it! It’s not okay to feel overlooked or invisible at all. I feel much better talking to you too! Everytime i think of negative thoughts, I think of you and I think to myself that I must hold on! No problem, it’s truly my life’s greatest pleasure to have met you <3 I hope you know that I love every single part of you <3 all your imperfections (however few there may be), your idiosyncrasies and everything else that makes you amazing :)) Woah, it definitely sounds like a joyous occasion <3 (don’t feel bad for not dating anyone! I have major trust issues, especially with boys that treat me nice. It’s definitely not a fun topic to talk about lol) It definitely does, I would sob to see an old couple walking on the roads. Snow around this time sounds horrible, it’s cold enough for me with the monsoon surge already! I never had a school day cancelled because of weather, but I’d expect it to be fun lmao. (tw:caps) OMG CONGRATS TO YOUR AUNT BESTIE!!! Woah, I’ve always wanted a brother!!! It’ll definitely be a great experience for you to be with him, I think that newborns are adorable. Don’t worry! You’d be the best big cousin ever! I can imagine you reading to your younger cousin <3 I’m horrible with any human really, so i can relate <3 I do have quite a few cousins, (my dad’s mom had 8 children haha) but I never talk to them because I lowkey dislike them. :( They used to judge me for my height, grades, you name it. But it’s okay! (tw:caps) SAMEEE I wanted to do it last year but I felt that you might’ve felt uncomfy or something because we didn’t know each other that well then <3 It would be so cool if I could send it to a district post office or something (definitely not your home address because that’s private :)) Yes we definitely have, in about 4 months we’ve been friends for a year!!! Yayy! Aww, I’m honoured to use your name! My name’s Caswell by the way! (i know it’s a weird name haha) [it’s pronounced Cass-well, like the first part of casserole, and then you add a well] It’s supposed to mean something related to nature i think. But I love your name so much! There aren’t many Leahs here :( Don’t think that way! Someone’s name is definitely an important matter that cannot be overlooked <3 Your name is so pretty, why would it be anticlimactic? That’s so considerate! I love you too Leah! You’re always going to be my bestest friend :)))
Haha real, just get some good rest and ilysm <3 <3 <3 sweet dreams :)) 🫰
Oh yeah, fun fact of the week: I was born upside down and refused to come out of my mom’s womb. In my mom’s culture, when a baby is born upside down, it means that they are a healer <3 my mom used to say I give great massages lmao. (though when I learnt science apparently being born upside down is really dangerous xd) Anyway gn <3 <3 love u lots Leah!
@SeparationAnxietyOverload wait no way I was born weird too lol! I tied a knot in my umbilical cord so I wasn't getting food or anything. that's why my twin and I were born a month early and also why i've always been pretty much exactly 2 inches shorter than her. I'm sorry your cousins teased you :( that's super mean. people tease me about my height all the time here. I've barely hit five foot (1.524 meters according to google) so I get a lot of "when are you going back to the north pole with the rest of the elves?" and its not even Christmastime anymore. I get at least two a week. it's kinda funny but at the same time its so old. I like your name! its really pretty imo. it feels very calm and flowy. like the healer thing you told me about! I think it fits you. and you're the first Caswell I've ever met too! :) don't worry you'd still be my favorite even if I knew a hundred others. what are the monsoons like? is it just rainy all the time? we don't get a whole lot of rain. its not dry like it is way down south, but it doesn't rain every day either. with climate change its gotten worse, we get super long droughts followed by tons of rain. this is the first winter in a few years we've gotten a lot of snow too, so idk if that's a good or bad sign. how's school been treating you? well, I hope. its been mostly boring over here. but on the bright side a bunch of the senior class is doing exhibitions right now and sometimes we get to watch. exhibitions are a thing my school does where a group of seniors asks a difficult question, reads a whole bunch of books to try and find the answer, makes a movie or a play (or both), presents a slideshow, and then they open the floor for questions and anyone can ask and they have to have an answer for it. its like a 3-month-long project. so far the ones I've seen are "how do you love something that doesn't last forever?" and "what is the American dream and how does it change with perspective?". so they're really hard questions to answer but they've been really cool so far. I'm kind of excited to do mine when I get to that point. I've always liked pondering impossible questions, when it doesn't give me a headache. anyway its kind of late for me here to be on my computer so I'm saying goodnight bestie ♥🫶 sleep well (or have a good day - whichever is closer lol). I love you love you love you!!! you are my wonderful, sweet, kind, thoughtful, smart best friend and I love talking with you. thank you for everything <3 love you :) talk soon bestie! 9054 <3<3<3
@toastydoodler
(tw:caps) OMG TWINS! (no pun intended) That actually sounds a bit scary if you think about it. I’m glad you’re here on this earth and nothing bad happened <3 It’s okay! Atp it’s a Chinese tradition lmao. (I know, it’s kind of a toxic motivation) It’s totally okay to be slightly less tall than everyone else! I’m literally short too (I’m in a class of athletic tall boys) and I’m 1.66 metres 😭(5 foot 4). Honestly I’d be happy to be mailed to the North Pole, I don’t mind being an elf lmao. But they are so mean for saying that, like find something else to say if you only have one thing mean to say! Like at least grow your vocabulary by reading a dictionary so you can properly insult somebody! Aww, thanks! Healers are so cool in the books. (Especially those that can heal as well as damage) You’re so kind! I’d most definitely not be the most interesting lol. Monsoon seasons are usually more rainy and windy kinda thing, but in January we had a monsoon surge which is like extra extra intense and it made our temperatures (tw:caps) DROP LIKE CRAZY. It went from like in the 30 degrees celsius (86 fahrenheit) to like 25 degrees celsius (77 fahrenheit). I don’t know if that’s bad for you, but it was crazy cool for us lol. That definitely sounds like an effect of climate change :( the Earth is suffering and we can’t help it. Snow in a place that doesn’t usually get snow is extremely bad according to my teachers. If it snows in Singapore, the world is probably going to end. School is exhausting here, my exams are in 2-3 weeks. I’ve been studying non-stop I swear. I have a practice essay tomorrow, and I end school at 3.30pm tomorrow, then I have photography club from 4pm to 6pm. I still need to go do my homeworks, shower and revise which takes like 4h. Sigh school sucks. Woah, that project definitely sounds cooler than the ones we have here. Impossible questions are so fascinating, because if someone answers them, it really tells us alot about their perspective and character. Sigh, well then I gotta go revise more now, I need to write a chinese essay. I also got enrolled in like 3 competitions so that’s amazing. But i hope you’re resting well and schools not too harsh (or boring) It’s 8pm right now so I might study for 1h 30mins more. I’ll talk to you soon bestie! You are amazing, beautiful, intelligent and empathetic! (all the qualities of a good friend!) and I love you too Leah! Talk soon! <3 <3 <3 <3 🫶
@SeparationAnxietyOverload woah 3 competitions?!? that’s awesome!!! i bet you’ll win one, you’re really good. rooting for you :) guess who watched another exhibition today! i think this is probs the last one for a while. the topic was “how does the judgement of evil change based on perspective?”. cool right? they did it with a criminal justice format so they had a whole bunch of different approaches. they tried to show how morals and judgment change based on relationship and circumstance. so they had the media as a perspective using a news reporter, and with a lawyer they were the professional aspect of the moral spectrum. then they had the grandparents of the criminal (tw killing - the skit was about a girl who took revenge on her parents’ killer and murdered him) to showcase the personal side of it. and then they had the character herself, and she believed that it was an eye for an eye sort of thing. it was actually really interesting and well put together. the sad part about it is that i can tell that with a support system to help huge main character work through her trauma she wouldn’t have made those choices. what do you think is sadder? tragedies that would always happen, no matter what? or tragedies that wouldn’t have happened if something changed? jeez, that got dark. sorry. i think i’ve been reading too much poetry lately. i like it, but it makes me think weird. anyway, tomorrow is my last day until february break and then i can finally sleep in lol. but it’s also going to be valentine’s day, so i’ll have to see all of the couples doing whatever it is couples do in the hallway. sigh. it really never changes, does it? idk maybe it’s different for you because your school is all boys. i kind of can’t imagine that. there are some places like that in the us, but most of them are religious schools. i don’t think i’ve ever seen an all-boys or all-girls public school. what’s it like? take it easy on the studying if you can. i know you want to get everything right but you need to take care of yourself too. i’ll help you remember :) anyway love youuuu :) <3 <3 <3 9054 bestie! talk soon ily
@toastydoodler
yeah, it's a lot, I'm kinda regretting it lmao. Thanks for your belief in me! It makes me so happy that you're rooting for me! hehe thank you <3 Woah, I literally just got goosebumps omg. Something about the poetic meaning of the lone word Justice really strikes a chord :) The question is also phrased simply yet impactfully, like omg I would love to be in that class man! Definitely, I hate to say this, but humanity is truly hypocritic. Their opinions change based on their distorted sense of justice, it's truly infuriating to see certain groups of people having difficulty in exercising moral conscience and logic in such cases. It is also terribly saddening to those affected :( I've listened to so many true crime podcasts about such cases, and there are almost always two groups of people that support either side. Exactly! I have basically come to the conclusion that in some cases, "justice" is just an abstract term to get what one wants by manipulating others morals and gaslights them into believing stuff. (I know, this is so dramatic of me) I just feel that justice made by any person isn't justice, simply because there is always someone that doesn't believe in it. I think justice is so so confusing, because there are so many viewpoints and stuff. Real, it would've never happened if someone was there for her, or if her trauma never happened at all. But I'm definitely on the girl's side, trauma really eats one up on the inside, and I can't image the poor girl having to deal with that and the only solution that pops into her brain is her killing the killer. It's really heart-wrenching to know that the girl may have built her whole life and dedicated her existence to getting revenge. But I'm glad to know you enjoyed it! It sounds really well thought out, I genuinely applaud whoever thought of this idea. (tw:caps) I WOULD BE HOOKED. No it's okay! People call me weird for getting weird ALL THE TIME. I love how you explain things too, so no worries! Same, I've been studying Merchant of Venice so *** we're in that state of mind rn haha. (tw:caps) YAYYY CONGRATS! Sadly for me it isn't that way, because I still have around 4 more weeks of school before a week of break :( I need to run cross-country (compulsory for everyone by the way) next Friday, so yeah i'm gonna have so much difficulty lmao. oof, that sounds horrible, I can't even imagine what they do in hallways. It's a pretty normal day for me, so there's that! Happy Valentine's Day though! I hope I'm not the first one saying this <3 You deserve a greeting because you deserve the world! <3 :)) Yeah, I can understand that, though religious schools sound horrible. I wouldn't survive I swear. I have a deathly fear of nuns because I watched like adult scary movies when I was younger and it was carved into my brain lmao. It is very very bad for me at least. Imagine if someone in your class randomly strips and like changes clothes. Yeah people in my school feel comfortable to do that. I literally saw my classmates comparing their bicep sizes topless? (it's also horrible to endure that being a closeted bi person) Like hello please go to the bathroom to change omg. I'm like the only guy in the class that goes to the bathroom to change 😭 Add that to the qualities that I have: I'm short, likes studying and reading. So people basically call me soft or something idk. And I'm like 99% of my classmates are straight, so when they talk about their "type" in a crude way like asking which body part they prefer, I get like super damn embarrassed of them. Like grow up ugh. I hate boys so much. I wouldn't mind if I was a girl in an all girls' school. Like ik there'll be gossip (i know this from a friend in a girls' school) but at least I can like show my inner self yk? I would literally be able to talk to a girl and have a conversation about anything for like 2h but I can't do that with boys 😭😭😭 I can talk about nail designs for weeks, but I can't even name a single soccer team like bfr. Anyway I'll take care of myself, and I'll talk to you soon! ilysm and stay strong until the break starts! <3 <3 <3 :)) 9054 and talk soon bestie!
@SeparationAnxietyOverload
sry the censored word is I and G, ( I guess ) lol. I remember the same abbreviation being blurred in our previous messages too! But oh yeah and there is a typo: "I'm sure that 99% of my classmates are straight" and not "I'm like 99% of my classmates are straight"
@SeparationAnxietyOverload i wonder why it always censors that??? it's not really close to any swears. break has officially started! yay! i wish you could be on break with me. you deserve a rest <3 we could bake bread together and share music. y'know, i was thinking about this past year, and everything that happened (it's my birthday today and i have a habit of reminiscing the night before, after everyone's asleep- it's strangely peaceful, i think you'd like it) and i really do believe that the best thing to come out of it is my friendship with you. god knows where i'd be without you. you save me, every day. so thanks, for everything. i'm so glad we found each other. yeah, it really is interesting how everyone's morals are different, but somehow still follow basic principle (until it doesn't, but then we have a paradoxical situation and i'm not qualified for that much thinking lol). that running actually sounds awful i am so sorry lol. i don't understand how people can just run and do nothing else. like for softball i'm fine with running because i'm running towards the ball or a base, so my mind isn't on it; and in field hockey there's literally no way to avoid it since that's the whole sport, but at least i have a stick to use and i can sometimes slow down if the ball isn't on my side. cross country is just... running. that's it. i could never. omg that movie sounds actually awful??? i (tw caps) HATE horror movies so much, i can never bring myself to watch them. if i wanted a horror story i wouldn't have to look further than my own mind, i am NOT about to supplement it. holy cow do they not realize that we have locker rooms and bathrooms for a reason??? at the absolute least be fast about it. how some people- particularly the straight, misogynistic guys- can be such numbskulls, i'll never understand. and i hate it when people measure someone (especially girls and women) by their body or "assets" like obviously SOMEONE hasn't evolved past an ape. they're human people for crying out loud. i'm glad you're not like them. i like how you are, they're all wrong. please always feel free to talk about nail designs with me :) real talk, i've never gotten them done before, but i'm happy to listen! maybe if i ever do i'll use some of yours :) i think we might be going out for dinner later if the weather permits. its been raining and snowing and overall icky this whole day and i've kind of just holed up in my room. but i got some pretty yarn and paints and a shirt that says plant mom on it! so that's nice. i've been listening to Kilby Girl on repeat because i heard it once and for the next 48 hours it's going to be the only sound that my brain accepts. does that ever happen to you? like you get a piece of media and you just. can't. stop. i got to show my cousins my favorite movie the other day, which was fun. it's the spider-verse movies. well, we only watched the first one because then i had to go home but still. i just think the animation and story is so incredible. i like the theme of creating our own destinies. maybe we were supposed to be something else, but we said "you know what? no. i CHOOSE to be good." and that's kind of amazing. no, we don't know if things will work out, but we're going to try anyway for the sake of hope, and love, and life. we choose to fight for the good of the world, even if it's hard. even if they don't deserve it. even if we don't deserve it. it's nice to know that people aren't inherently good or bad, it's a choice and even if we choose wrong once that doesn't mean we can't change. they're good movies imo, you might like them. i hope you're doing good <3 hang in there until break!!! i love you love you love you love you love you!!! talk soon bestie :) 9054 <3<3<3
@toastydoodler
real, but I guess the censorship guidelines are strict to prevent like offensive stuff from being said to others. (tw:caps) YAYYY!!!! I'm proud of you for making it this far!! You can finally rest now 😪, I can feel the relief through the screen lmao. 🤗🫶 Aww, me too, I wish I could have a break right now, but I gotta keep going so I can survive until then lol. I actually haven't made bread before, I think it'd be so fun if we could make some. If we could make bread, I think I would want to make focaccia <3 (tw:caps) OMG HAPPY BIRTHDAY LEAH!!!! (Yeah, I do that sometimes even when it isn't a special occasion :)) Aww, now you're gonna make me cry. I definitely share the same feelings <3 I don't know how I could live without our chats :) Sigh yeah, the world is a complicated place and humans are even more complicated. I know 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭, and I have to run 3.2 km ( ~2 miles-ish) I know, my favourite sport is badminton and I get how it's part of the sport but running is literally just so boring and unfufiling like omgg. (tw:caps) I KNOWWWW, I literally can never sit through anything scary especially with jumpscares. If I do, you'd see me covered head to toe in a blanket and only a slit for my eyes. Real, my imagination goes haywire after scary stuff. I generally don't like movies simply because I don't have time, I'm more of a TV series kinda person. But my favourite movie is definitely Cruella (the newest one, she's such a baddie and I'm a sucker for fashion) or Ocean's 8 (specifically this one because all the women are divas) frr, like they don't have any spatial awareness when it comes to making sure that the people around them are comfortable. ugh I hate men. hehe, I'd love to <3 :)) In the future I'll definitely try on nail designs I think, but I'll only use press ons or something. Ooo, that sounds like loads of fun! Let's hope that the weather becomes better for you so that you can have a good rest of your day. If not, then at least it's warm and cozy in your room <3 Plant mom is adorable, yarn and paint sound like the best gifts ever! I've always wanted paints just to look at lol, I'm horrible at art. (tw:caps) OMG YES! I recently listened to Wildflower by Billie Ellish and I played it 89 times in a day. I'll definitely check out that song though! Definitely agree with that, the movie quality really helps promote the theme. I love that they always portray the people in the movies to have a choice, the freedom and the power to do whatever their morals lead them to. It's pretty meaningful. What you said is kinda giving Wanda when she killed Vision to save everyone. (A little far fetched but you get the point) Anyway, I hope you're enjoying your birthday and are having a great day! Enjoy your presents and your movies <3 <3 <3 I wish you the best and I'll talk to you soon bestie! 9054 <3 <3 <3 :))))))
@SeparationAnxietyOverload we started watching Cruella in fiber arts class (it was like two days before break and nobody wanted to be in school lol) and it seemed really good from how far we got! we never got to finish it though :'( maybe i'll do that this weekend. speaking of movies guess who got to go see Wicked for their birthday!!! (it's me i got to see it). we -me, my mom, and my sister- went to a theater nearby and had to kick somebody out of our seats, which was really awkward but i was (tw caps) NOT about to miss out on the good seats lol. i heard that it was good before went but like. it was so much better than i expected??? idk musicals are kind of hit or miss for me but that one HIT. but now i have the songs stuck in my head and i have to wait until november for part two T-T i feel like this year there aren't going to b any new movies it's just live-action remakes and sequels. nobody has any ideas lol. the weather got better and then it got worse but when i woke up the rain had frozen on the trees and with the sunrise they looked like literal diamonds. it was absolutely stunning. then the wind really picked up and we had huge gusts. on our way to the theater there was a downed tree on the highway so there was a big slowdown, and all of the rain and snow (which we got a ton more of) caused some leakage in our kitchen. we can't get it fixed until everything melts, though, and who know's when that'll be. unfortunately, the leak is right outside my bedroom window because part of our kitchen is a little outcropping so there's a skylight-esque thing and the beam rotted and that's where the water got in, so my room is going to be a bit of a warzone pretty soon. ick. i don't know if it's because i had to share everything i owned for the vast majority of my life or what but i hate it when people just come into my room without asking or take my stuff without asking. like if you need something i'll give you a hand or led it to you or whatnot, but at least have some common decency! i'm a rather private person and i don't like having my things invaded. kinda hard to avoid with parents and little cousins and stuff though. honestly strict parents (like ours) confuse me so much. like if you're constantly keeping tabs on your kid and going through their things or butting in where you don't belong you're just going to raise a kid who's secretive, good at lying, and doesn't have any sense of personal belonging. treat kids and teens how you want to be treated, parents! it's not that hard! anyway a bit of a rant there, sorry. if my english teacher saw this i think he would faint with how many run on sentences i have lol. my thoughts just come out as one long, (slightly) coherent chain. i'm kind of excited to tell my math teacher about seeing Wicked though, because he is a giant theater nerd. by that i mean he has two theater degrees and minored in math. it's hilarious because we'll all be like "this is awful please end me" and he's just like "lol same but theater doesn't pay the bills!" he hates it just as much as the rest of us lol. but he does make an effort to be nice to us. unlike my other teachers, he's actually reasonable. for example, on big unit tests we're allowed to use index cards with formulas and we're always allowed to use calculators. if someone starts crying or gets frustrated he doesn't yell or get mad or anything, he actually tries to help and understands that people have lives outside of school. he really does try to get my name right too, which most of the others don't really try. my twin and i aren't identical but when we're in the same class or really together at all i'm always the one to get called my sister's name. it's only ever me though- i wonder why? it happens a ton. teachers, classmates, teammates, coaches, friends, even our parents sometimes. even though it happens pretty much twice a week it still hurts a little. i don't know why i'm not used to it by now. i think i'm just sick of always being someone else. that's something i love about you- i know i can always be myself with you. it's really nice. so thanks, for that. and for everything else you've done for me :) i love you for all of the 9054 miles between us! talk soon bestie <3<3<3 ilyyyy 9054 <3
@toastydoodler
Omg that sounds amazing :) We never get to watch movies in any class except classes like Music at the end of the year after all our examinations. It’s soo good, I love fashion but I suck at art so I never could sketch out my ideas. I love fashion movies like these types lol. (tw:caps) OMG SLAY. Was it good? I lowkey kinda want to watch it during March break. Oh real, I feel bad but yet I need to do it for me lol. This happens in libraries in Singapore, because the seats need to be booked. (free of charge though) omg now I’m so hyped up for it! I heard Defying Gravity and I fell in love immediately, I can only imagine how good it sounded with the theatre sound system! I literally get shivers when I hear good music in theatres. Sigh yeah, there aren’t any good movies anymore. Though one of my long-awaited Youtube drama-ish series are being released! Idk if you know it, but it’s called Escape the Night, where influencers are in a plot, and they have to survive and stuff. It’s kinda funny because when they die, they die on the show but they aren’t actually dead. It’s kinda cool, cuz they need to solve puzzles and stuff. Every season has a theme, my favourite season so far was season 3, where it was circus-small town themed. It carried my whole pandemic experience lmao. Woah, that sounds breathtaking, I can imagine the sparkles already! It definitely sounds stunning! Seems like too much snow really is a bad thing, I can’t help but grimace at what you said :( I hope your room is fixed soon, I hate having my possessions damaged and stuff. (tw:caps) FRRRR! My little sister took all my lip oils and balms, my oldest sister took my eyedrops, and my second sister took my romance books! I hate it when I go to find it, then it’s gone. I’m a very organised person, so if something’s missing, it’s either someone took it or it’s gone. Omg they need to respect our spaces too! Just because I’m not home doesn’t mean you can just rummage through my stuff. Sigh yes, that’s usually the reality though. Parents doing things that don’t make any sense to us. No it’s okay, rant to me anytime. <3 (tw:caps) HAHA SAME! She would go on and on about my use of filler words like “like”. Your math teacher sounds so cool! My math teacher is really amazing, she helps me a lot and makes jokes that are actually funny imo. My literature teacher is also super nice to me, she talks in an American accent so I can understand her super well. (I grew up watching American youtube videos to the point where I developed an accent of my own HAHA) Aww, he sounds like the sweetest person ever! I hate it when teachers are so narrow-minded to the point where they think that just because we are students doesn’t mean that we only sleep, eat and study. I had multiple teachers claim that being students/children is the easiest thing in the world. Okay fair point, but like isn’t that just generalising a huge group of people with a multitude of life experiences? Sigh they need to take some empathy classes. That sounds legitimately so sad, someone’s name is the most basic sign of respect, if you can’t remember, just ask but not call you by another person’s name! I hope it isn’t that way, I’m sure your twin gets a lot of this too! Maybe she just doesn’t tell you or something. Anyway, I’d never get your name wrong! Ilysm and you’re literally the best regardless whatever you or others think. <3 You should never get used to that, you’re a human being and you have emotions! It is important to regard them and acknowledge them sometimes, however hard that may be. You are perfect just the way you are (cliche I know), with all your imperfections (though they seem perfect to me)! You're welcome, it’s something I love doing, because you do it for me too! Ilysm too <3 Today I ran cross country, and I ran it in 16 minutes :((( I got #139 place in a batch of #340 students. I was aiming for top #100 but oh well. Oh and I also reached out to a counsellor in my school, the first thing she did was ask me if I was allergic to nuts and I was like what is happening. (I had flashbacks to the times where my bullies would call me Cashew) But anyway I said no and she opened a new pack of cookies (important to the plot) and gave one to me. I almost started sobbing cuz that’s literally the nicest thing someone did to me in school. She asked me loads of questions, and they weren’t too prying, I was okay with them. I kept having to stop in the middle of my answers to prevent myself from (tw:caps) LITERALLY SOBBING IM SUCH A BIG BABY I SWEAR. But she was really nice and finally the week is over. Exams are all piled up next week :( so I gotta study harder now! Ilysm Leah and I’ll never mistake your radiance for anything else! I love you so much and I hope you have a great day/night <3 <3 <3 9054 bestie :))))) <3
@SeparationAnxietyOverload
im gonna cry im so stressed about my exams everything is all over the place
@SeparationAnxietyOverload i’m sorry everything is so hard right now. it might not sound true but everything will be okay <3 you study so hard and i know that you’ll do great. take a deep breath and a minute to try and organize your thoughts. i’m here if you need any support or if you want to rant and remember that no matter what happens i’ll still love you no matter what. it’s gonna be okay. you’ve always supported me, so let me help you now. you are the most beautiful, wonderful, talented, smart, loving, caring person i have ever known. you try so hard every day, and you deserve more credit than you get. these tests don’t measure the important things- the things i see in you every day. whatever ends up happening will never take away from the fact that you are my best friend and i love you and you are a worthy human being. i’m always proud of you. always. and i’ll remind you as long as it takes for you to believe it.
that youtube show sounds really cool, maybe i’ll check it out! i like it when they do the whole spectate-after-you-die thing because they get to watch all of the silly mistakes and not worry about being in the crosshairs. or if someone’s making a dumb decision and there’s nothing the spectators can do about it, so they all just laugh because they can’t help. idk it just feels special. #139 isn’t bad at all! next time you’ll get higher, i know it. i’m proud of you for doing your best :) im so glad you got to share that moment with your counselor! it’s good that you could finally get some of that off of your chest. i wish we could go to school together so i could share cookies with you everyday. some place with lots of forest and grounds and a big library. like hogwarts! i had a huge harry potter phase when i was younger, how about you? i feel like that’s where a lot of fantasy readers start, since it’s so popular and easy to access. it’s how i started, anyway. now im in a prison of my own making lol. speaking of books i need to get to work on my reading logs. they’re due next week (i think??? honestly have no clue which might be a problem) and i still have half a book to finish. it’s a good one so far, though, so it shouldn’t take me too long. it’s about this hard-of-hearing girl who becomes a junior counselor at this deaf and blind summer camp she went to as a kid that’s having some money troubles, and it’s got a whole summer romance thing going on too. i originally picked it up because i thought it might have some asl guides in it that i could use when i have a hard time talking (there’s nothing wrong with my vocal cords or anything, it’s more of a mental block. sometimes talking makes me feel really uncomfortable or the words just won’t come out. i can force it if i need to, but it makes me feel gross and bad so i mostly stick to being quiet or humming responses if someone talks to me) but i genuinely like the plot now. i go back to school tomorrow and i really hope i didn’t forget any over-break work because if i did i’m cooked lol. i believe in us though, together we’ll both be alright. we promised to get better together and i have no intention of breaking that promise. i love you so so so much, please tell me if you’re feeling bad so i can help. i love you <3 9054, my dear bestie! talk soon :) <3 <3 <3
@toastydoodler
Thank you so much for this, I needed it. Yesterday I was a wreck, but now I'm slightly better. My exam is tomorrow (Tuesday) and I'm terrified. It's geography by the way. :/ Thank you so much for being there for me, I wish I could go to you right now I give you a hug <3 Hugs from 9054 miles away <3 ilysm <3
it is, it was literally my comfort show because they were hilarious. some influencers on there were cancelled after the show (not because of the show itself) so it became really controversial and fizzled out in popularity after like 3 years. There are currently 4 seasons though, and there is going to be a movie as season 5. Yeah that definitely appeals to me too, but the show literally acts like the people died. It's intense, especially the scenes where they die. it's kinda gorey sometimes but in a non-censor way? idk it's like imagine if the person was gonna get hanged, they would just film a shot of the legs flailing and screaming, but not the actual hanging yk? I like being an omnipresent viewer lol. (tw:caps) HAHA thank you! <3 I ended up getting free boba because I was top 30 in my house. (kinda like in Hogwarts) Aww, thank you sm! It took so much courage, but I'm glad I ended up talking to someone <3 it definitely was thanks to you because without you I wouldn't have done it!!!! <3 Sameeeee, I wish we could just walk and talk down the halls and stuff, without caring about what others think about us <3 Oooo, the huge library sounds so damn good. (tw:caps) SAME!! OMG. I remember buying a book so I could write all the spells down. I went to the park and found a stick and pretended it was my wand. I was so delusional lmao. I loved that innocent phase though, really reminds me of how far I've gone <3 I hope you know that you should be proud that you've reached this far! give yourself a pat on the back bestie! <3 Oof, that sounds horrible, I hate deadlines sigh. I usually submit it wayyy before so that the anxiety doesn't get to me. I wish you all the best though! <3 <3 <3 Woah that book sounds so interesting! I read a book about a deaf girl once, it was really pretty because it was like the girl was talking to me directly like I could hear it. ASL learning sounds so difficult but I'd be so down to learn it <3 (I get that, sometimes the words don't come out right. It's totally fine, besides, I think ASL is the coolest thing ever!) It's great that you're enjoying your book, I hope it finishes well! Oof, that sucks, the post break feelings are horrible. But you still have a little time left so enjoy it as much as you can! Let's hope you didn't miss out anything important, I'm sure you did everything right though! Yup, pinky promise! <3 I'll never leave you <3 ilysm bestie and I'll talk to you soon! Thanks for listening and I will definitely tell you anything if I'm feeling down <3 :))) 9054 <3
p.s. Good luck when school starts! Stay strong <3
@SeparationAnxietyOverload ngl im kind of awful at geography lol but im sure you did great!!! we had a few warmer days over here and u was so excited for spring to start but now its snowing so like. no spring for me. i probably should’ve expected that seeing as its not even march yet but im sick of the cold lol. i’m a worm temp person. we only get the heat you have for like 4-5 months tho and the rest is cold (or at least colder). it’s weird though bc this is the first year in a while that we’ve had this much snow. we had a big drought for a while and didn’t get any snow or rain. but hey, now i can go sledding! yay! it’s kind of gray today. we’ve had some nice sunrises lately but the clouds are too heavy for one today. the trees are kind of depressing without leaves, but at least there’s a bunch of evergreens too. do you have those in singapore? they’re cold weather trees so i don’t expect it but idk man trees are weird. maybe you do. i apologize if this is a dry message not much has been going on here, other than school and softball practice. we had a team dinner at panera’s yesterday and i got a smoothie :) it was mango. have you heard about the charged lemonades that they have there? they had to lock them in the back because someone had a heart attack from all of the caffeine. there’s a (tw caps) LOT of caffeine in them, like more than triple a cup of coffee. my friend had three in a row once, before they locked them up, and she could feel her heart beating out of her chest until like 4 am. it’s crazy. i know what im drinking during finals week lol. my sister never would though, she can barely finish a bottle of coke without getting a buzz lol. caffeine doesn’t affect me much, at least not how i’ve had it. i don’t drink coffee because imo it tastes nasty. do you drink it? i’m a tea person. according to my family i have an obsession with it. it’s funny though, tea is just leaf water and coffee is bean water. that thought makes me laugh. anyway i love you!!! 9054 bestie, you’re going to do great on your tests. make sure you get some sleep. talk soon bestie! ilyyyyy <3 <3 <3 :)
@toastydoodler
I don’t think you can be bad at anything <3 But yeah I had to memorise (tw:caps) SO MUCH CONTENT :( Aww, that sounds horrible! I can’t imagine how hard it is to live with the cold for so long. I hope temperatures will be warmer soon <3 That’s genuinely so hard to comprehend, it must be so coldddd. Yay! I wonder if yall do anything else in the snow! I know there’s snowmen building and snowball fights sometimes, but when I visited countries with snow the snow was soo hard and not powdery at all. I’m not sure actually, because most of the trees here are green cuz we never get snow. They only shed leaves when they die. But I’m sure there are some evergreen trees here. Yeah, trees definitely are a complicated subject. No it’s okay, I’m feeling so drained as well :( But I hope your day went well, even though it was just practice and stuff <3 Woah, that smoothie sounds amazing :) I have heard of it, I saw a *** about it. I think you told me before too, it sounds horrible but I could use it now lol. (tw:caps) AHHAHA REAL. Yeah, some people have low caffeine tolerance but I’m basically immune. I drink copious amounts of coffee lol. At starbucks I have to ask for extra shots so I stay awake. There’s a drink here called Monster (idk if yall have it) but it contains around 3 cups of caffeine, and I drink that to study for 6h straight. It sounds unhealthy but I feel better when I’m productive. I get that the taste is bad, but I kinda got used to it. Tea is nice, I have a tea called Sailor Moon Tea, (it’s really bougie) and on the rare occasions when my dad whips out the teapot, it tastes super good. It has an overall minty taste with strawberry undertones! It’s really yummy. Aww, thank you! I wish I had that much confidence in my tests lmao. I only have 3 more exams to go so I have to lock in :) Ilysm and get some rest too! Ilysm bestie and 9054 :) <3 <3 <3
@SeparationAnxietyOverload
hey bestie I have two exams tomorrow and I'm scared I guess. Take your time to respond and I hope you're doing okay <3 ily and talk soon! 9054
@SeparationAnxietyOverload i’m here for you! it’s okay to be scared, just remember that your fear doesn’t define you. no matter what that little voice in your head says, take a deep breath and tell it to get lost because you are a cary capable and very strong human being! you’ve been studying for weeks. i’m guessing the worst grade you could possibly get is like a 50, and even though that’s bad it’s not the worst that you could get. and you are always well above average so you’ll probably end up in the 80s or 90s, logically. so with that thought, it’s totally normal to feel scared for such a big few tests, but take some deep breaths, spend some time in the sun, and get some tea if you can. what happens, happens, and you’ll end up better for it. i’m always here for you in the meantime! i love you. it will be okay <3
yeah it depends on the snow but we definitely have snowball fights and all that. if the snow is too powdery you can’t form it but if the snow is too wet it’s just sloppy so you have to find the happy medium. we (tw caps) DEFINITELY have monster here, half the people in my school drink it nonstop to stay awake. no matter what class you go into there’s always someone with some sort of energy drink. some people don’t like the taste of monster so they have this drink called Alani, which is supposed to be super sweet and full of tons of caffeine like a monster. i’ve never had one before. that tea sounds absolutely delicious, i need to find it. right now i’m drinking an assam black tea because i got up at 5:30 to get ready for school and i need caffeine. also because it goes with the outfit aesthetic for the day lol. i’m wearing baggy jeans, white converse with stars on them (they’re my favorite shoes and i got them in the kids section so they were cheap, it’s great), a green sweater over a cream collared shirt, and a denim jacket. it was giving academia vibes so i had to break out the teapot lol. it’s funny because dressing up is so fun but i never have time for it so i just end up in like a sweatshirt and sweatpants lol. also im sorry if i’ve been repeating stories or stuff that i’ve already told you, my memory is rlly bad so i tend to forget what i’ve said and what i haven’t. but anyway ilysm!!! you’ve got this bestie and you can talk to me if you feel bad. 9054 <3 i love youuu <3 <3 <3
@toastydoodler
Thank you so much, I’m just trying to get ahold of myself <3 Thank you, it’s around 11pm here and I’m going to bed strictly before midnight so I don’t get burnt out tomorrow. I love you so much too, I’m sure I’ll come back home tomorrow and realise what a fool I’ve been. I hope everything will be okay, ily.
Ooo, that sounds like fun! Though I can’t imagine playing with muddy and grassy snow can be fun. I hope the snow in your area is pretty and white <3 (tw:caps) LMAO I had to drink like 2 cans of Monster every week (I know, I have heart issues but who cares atp) to study and it made me go on hyperalert it was an amazing experience. (sounds like a drug addict lol) It’s probably not the most healthy, that’s why immediately after the exams I’m banning myself from caffeine until my body is regulated again. I genuinely hate the super sweet taste of energy drinks, I drink it (tw:caps) SUPER DILUTED WITH ICE so I don’t have to taste it. I also get the zero sugar one, but it probably means nothing with the crap ton of sweeteners they pump into every can lol. Yess it is super good! The brand is TWG, and it came from Singapore <3 I think that each tea has a rich history and even the packaging feels wayy too out of touch. I remember seeing a green tea with cherry blossoms or something and it was related to the Geisha. I’m not sure if you know much about them (i don’t), but they are definitely interesting figures from what I’ve heard. Honestly your outfit sounds so tea (pun intended) I love baggy jeans (tw:caps) SO DAMN MUCH. I religiously wear my converse sneakers too! I alternate between my brown one and my black one. I (tw:caps) I REALLY WANT WHITE OR RED ONES. I love this aesthetic and I have no idea what it is, you’re probably serving in that fit <3 Real, I’m wayy too lazy sometimes, so I usually only dress up for events, going out, or during vacation :) (tw:caps) NO ITS OKAYYY IM SORRY IF I IMPLIED THAT AT ALL <3 I love hearing from you and anything that you say I treasure <3 It’s okay if you repeat things, I’m sure we all do! I’m just happy that I’m someone worth enough in your eyes for you to care to talk about the things you find interesting <3 Thank you so much for being my friend, it literally means everything to me <3 :)) ilysm and I’ll definitely try :)) Please talk to me if you have anything bad going on, okay? I love you too and 9054 <3 Talk soon!!
@toastydoodler
hey bestie, I'm at home and today I finished 2 exams. The science exam was okay, but the Chinese exam was (tw:caps) SO HARD IM GOING TO FAIL :(((( I'm so scared but the last exam is tomorrow, so I have to study my best. I'm so sorry for the hasty message. Ilysm and talk soon bestie :)) <3 <3 <3
@SeparationAnxietyOverload you’ve told me about how hard the chinese class is before, i can only imagine what the test is like! just remember that it doesn’t define you. no matter what grade you get, you’ll still be my bestie and i’ll be proud of you no matter what. good job knowing your limits. it makes me happy that you’re trying to regulate caffeine and get enough sleep for exams. you’ve come a long way :) baggy jeans are the absolute best jeans ever!!! they always come with big pockets because of all of the extra space which is a nice change of pace. the struggle against women’s pants and pockets continues lol. omg you get it converse are actually the best. the red ones look so cool!!! i don’t wear mine in gym days because we get points off if we’re not in sneakers but all of the other days i wear them (weather permitting). i wear four things religiously: my converse, my green bracelet, my headphones, and my denim jacket. well, technically it’s my sister’s denim jacket that i stole because she never wore it but i gave her a sweater that didn’t fit me in trade and she was chill with it. maybe it’s just because we had to share clothes for so long. it’s a black jacket that’s about three sizes too large (it’s a men’s large, my only saving grace is that it’s shrunken). we went thrifting once and i got a sweater- the one i told you about before- and she got the jacket. it was nice because they both would’ve been a lot more expensive if we went normally but they were having a big sale where everything was $10 so we got them cheap. my dad got a watch to fix up. i didn’t know he did that until i realized just how many watches he had. it’s almost impressive, how similar my dad and i are but how little i know about him. i feel kind of guilty about saying b it, but i trust him more than my mom. he doesn’t scare me as much, and he’s actually home (though sometimes i wonder if he really wants to be there). i love them both, but things with mom are just… complicated. but it’s nice i can finally talk to someone about it. you get it, more than anyone around here. i’m glad to have my twin, but i can’t talk to her the way all to you. you’re different. it’s my favorite kind of different. anyway i love you so so so much and please relax!! take a nap or something. you deserve a rest. 9054 bestie, talk soon! :) i’m proud of you. i love you <3 <3 <3
@toastydoodler
I knowww, but I expect myself to get at least 70% on all examinations. I'm literally half chinese and I should have at least some mastery over the subject but I dont :( I studied so hard for it yet I couldn't even properly do the exam :( sigh. Aww, thank you so much, I really appreciate it <3 I'll try my best to accept the outcome of the exam, and take your advice :) I really appreciate you being there for me bestie! ilysm <3 Anyway, it doesn't matter anymore because I finished all my exams! Woohoo i guess. I also received back my Geography results and I got a GPA 4.0. it's a start i guess :))
@SeparationAnxietyOverload
bad news, I got a GPA 3.5 for Chinese and I'm going to cry istg I hate my life so much. I studied so damn hard for it only to miss out writing one word. (tw:caps) ONE WORD THAT COST ME 2 MARKS UNTIL GPA 4.0. AND WHEN I GOT HOME MY MOM TOLD ME I SHOULD'VE "WORKED HARDER" I'm so tired and done with academics but I can't do anything else because it's the only thing I'm good at and yet I'm losing it.
@SeparationAnxietyOverload first of all I am (two caps) SO SORRY I haven't been on. I wasn't actually at home for the past few days and we kept getting whisked away to do things. i'll tell you more about it in a minute. for your Chinese test, one word making you lose 2 marks is absolutely outrageous. you deserved a better grade! you put in all of that effort. sorry if this sounds mean but I'm about to come over there and slap your parents and teachers because they are SO STUPID for not seeing how outstandingly awesome and smart you are. you deserve so much better. and don't you dare think that you're only good at academics. I can name a lot of things that you're good at, like making me feel better even when i'm on the verge of a mental breakdown and trying my best not to punch anyone who comes too close, and photography, and reading, and writing, and running, and choosing tea, and being a good friend. you are one of the most talented people I know, and you're not allowed to not believe me because I would never lie to you and I love you. you are an amazing person. please remember that.
I still can't believe clothes are so expensive over there! maybe it's because they're imported. my headphones are wireless but they have a wire that runs between them so they hang on my neck (like those glasses chains old people use) and I don't lose them. it's useful because I lose (tw caps) EVERYTHING. you name it, i've probably lost it. yesss, trench coats are so cool. I wish I had one. the school dress codes in America make me angry because they're so blatantly aimed towards girls. like, during gym boys will legit not be wearing shirts but if a girl's shoulder is showing she'll get *** for it. it's not as bad in my school but it still annoys me. speaking of school i have a lot to tell you about the past few days. a lot has changed, in some ways. for context, my sister and I are on the high school student council and every year there's a statewide conference by the coast for all of the student councils to come to. it's a whole thing. we have a point system to keep track of those who can and can't go based on participation because there's a limited number of spots, and both I and my sister were able to go. so on Wednesday we got on the bus with our luggage and the 10 other StuCo members who came, picked up another school, and made the 2 hour trek to the hotel (everything was inside one big hotel, there was a bunch of rooms and conference systems we used for stuff). we got there, dropped our bags, and then got our costumes on for the polar plunge. every year a whole bunch of student councils run into the ocean (mind you, it's march- that water was absolutely FREEZING. there's a reason it's called a polar plunge). all of the student councils pick themes and costumes to try and get the award for best costume. my council went as grandmas lol, so we all had wigs and cardigans and glasses. it was hilarious. I couldn't feel my legs after, it was so cold. I almost lost my shoes. we went back to the hotel after and changed back and then walked around to do some welcome activities before being called to dinner and then our first general session. they basically just introduced state representatives. after we went to our first workshop, and I was with the lady who was our keynote speaker the second day (there'll be a story about her later). we talked about how to manage emotions, and tbh it was really useful. did you know that there are roughly 34000 distinguishable emotions, and an emotion only really lasts for 90 seconds? but if you shove down and ignore your emotions they can stay in your body for up to 7 years. it can actually cause health problems (I learned a LOT more about why I am the way I am in that workshop than I thought). and box breathing is one of the best strategies for getting through those 90 seconds of intense emotion, along with using "I am feeling" instead of "I am" when describing the feeling because it puts more space between you and the emotion. we played a Canadian game similar to rock paper scissors (fun fact about me: I suck at rock paper scissors. I lose every time and have no idea why). her workshop was actually the one I enjoyed the most. I took notes, if you couldn't tell. after that we went back to the ballroom for the keynote speaker. his name was Mike Smith and he runs a nonprofit high school and does a lot for underprivileged communities. he talked about leadership and making your own way forward and it was actually really interesting. I feel a lot more prepared for leadership roles now. after that was the long-awaited lip sync. I was not expecting how hard people went with this, let me tell you. there were backflips involved, if that helps to visualize it. there were a bunch of musical ones: a wicked, two teen beaches, and two pitch perfects, along with a decades one, Michael Jackson, and barbie. it was so fun to watch. one of the pitch perfects won, and they were (two caps) SO GOOD. like the choreography was amazing. I wish I could find a video of it because it was so fun to watch. there was stuff going on after the lip sync but I didn't stay because it was like 11:30 at night (curfew was 12:15). we ended up going back to the older girls' room and doing homework together. well, I did homework and they had a Roblox party. it was really fun though because if you left your door open it was an invitation for people to talk and everyone was so friendly. they all would just hang out and talk for a minute to leave for whatever they were going to do. it was nice. after all of that we finally got settled into our rooms for the night and went to sleep. that was half a day and it took over 600 words to describe it lol. I don't know how much more I can fit into this message but i'll tell you about the second and third days in the next message, just remind me. that's where the whole "a lot has changed" happened. these past few days have been a whirlwind and I'm sorry I haven't been able to reach out. I love you so much <3 don't ever doubt it. talk soon bestie! :) 9054 <3 love u
@SeparationAnxietyOverload hey i’m just checking in! are you okay? i love you <3 sending hugs from 9054 miles away :) ❤️ you’re amazing and worthy <3 talk when you can and remember i’m here for you. i’ll listen to whatever you have to say. i love you <3 <3 <3
@toastydoodler
(tw:caps) IM SO SO SO SORRY IM SUCH A HORRIBLE PERSON. This period of time has literally been the worst of this year so far, and I'm so sorry for not texting you back earlier. I hope you can forgive me <3 So many things happened for me too, but just let me reply to your first message before I write about my situation :/
Anyway right now I'm gonna explain why I was MIA for like a million days. So.... yk I got back my results for Chinese right? I kinda had a mental breakdown in school that day so I was slightly out of it this week. This week, yesterday to be exact, I got 3 papers back at once. (tw:caps) THREE. I got a GPA 3.5 for Science and I could've gotten GPA 4.0 with (tw:caps) ONE MORE DAMN MARK (sorry for cursing and weird language in this message, this week is not real istg) Soooo...I actually started crying and I ran to the toilet to cry before running to the staff room bawling to find my teacher counsellor :( it was not a good moment. (tw:sh) Oh and before that, I broke my clean streak of 6 months and I feel so bad for doing harm to myself again. But I was just so angry and frustrated because I knew I could do better. There was also so much work, I have 3 competitions, 2 talent development sign ups and I also have to emcee an event this coming break. Not only that, but all the holiday homework kind of suffocated me :( The holidays are coming in 2 days by the way, and I was trying to do all of it finish before then) So after that day, I basically rot in bed and cried :( but I'm slightly better now, my overall GPA is 3.9 which is 0.1 away from my goal :( I'm talking to my counsellor almost every day now, and I hope I'll get better. I hope you're going to have/had a wonderful day/night and thank you so much for being patient with me despite my annoying behaviour. i love you so much bestie and thanks for checking up on me and just being there <3 <3 <3 :)))) 9054 :)
@SeparationAnxietyOverload please don't feel bad! if we're apologizing then I owe you one too. I always take so long to respond and it's unfair to you. I understand how hard it can be to do anything when things get bad, so please don't feel sorry for trying to get yourself together and make sure you're safe. I'm glad you had your counselor. did they help? i'm proud of you for keeping your clean streak for so long, and it must feel upsetting that it broke. I know you can do it though, and I'm sure that this time will be even longer. if you ever feel like hurting yourself again, please think of me or try to find someone/something to help. I learned that box breaths (in for four, hold for four, out for four, hold for four) are one of the fastest ways to stop an emotion in its tracks. you've got a lot going on and its normal to feel overwhelmed, just please take care of yourself. it's really tough to be so close yet so far from your goal. sadly I am not close enough to hug you but I wish I was because you deserve the biggest one I could give you. you're doing great and I love you so so so so much <3
so I guess you're probably waiting for more of my story so here's the second day. this is where everything happened when I said a lot has changed. we woke up bright and early to get to breakfast on time and so that we could all take our turns getting ready (four girls, one bathroom- a struggle for the ages). it was a pretty basic hotel breakfast but they did have french toast which was pretty good. I also had chocolate milk and that was amazing. can't go wrong with chocolate milk. after that was our second workshop. I was in one that was about figuring out what we needed to do to help fix our school and learning what other councils did to fix their own problems. it was pretty cool but nowhere near as good as the first one. after that was our second general session, where we heard the speeches for the candidates running for officership. after that was workshop number three, which was student-led. we had a bag full of cardboard and ribbon and stuff like that and we were put into random groups and we had to make a functional accessory but they kept giving us obstacles like taking away our scissors or not letting us talk. you would've loved it. we made a functional headband that was almost like a purse but on your head. we didn't win the competition but it was pretty cool anyways. ok for context for the next part of my story you have to know that 1) there was a girl that I kept seeing everywhere and I really wanted to get to know her (i'd seen her at fall conference, performing in the lip sync, walking around, literally everywhere) and 2) she was very pretty and I was very gay. so she was in the third workshop with another group. and then I headed up to my fourth workshop, which was upstairs in a big room lined with chairs. I didn't have anyone I knew there so I took a seat kind of in the corner and just started sketching in my notebook. there are two people at the end of the row and five empty seats between me and them. I looked up a few minutes later and directly to my right, one seat away, is the girl I wanted to talk to. the universe quite literally just plunked her right in my lap! it was crazy. I went back to my drawing trying not to panic or act dumb or anything when the leaders of the workshop announce that we're starting with a get-to-know-everyone bingo sheet of unanswerable questions (think "is the ocean a soup" type stuff). they hand out pens and sheets, and the girl gets a sheet but not a pen. I get nothing, but I have the pen that came with the notebook they gave me. the two people at the end of the row block our way out talking to some other people, and lo and behold, we are stuck. we're both just standing awkwardly until I point this out and ask (incredibly awkwardly) if she wants to do the sheet with me because we don't exactly have any other options. she says yes. by this point my heart is doing backflips in my chest and I'm trying and failing to not trip over my words or look like a bumbling idiot (spoiler alert- I absolutely do). on my way to grab my pen I trip over the same chair twice. twice! we talk and end up having more in common than I originally thought. when the leaders start to wrap things up, I see that our time together is dwindling and think: f*** it, I'm never getting a chance like this again. I stumble through asking for her number and she, shockingly, gives it to me. I felt so confident and happy it was awesome. I sent her a few texts but she hasn't replied to any of them so I'm just going to give her space. if she doesn't want to be friends that's okay. I just thought it was such a crazy thing to happen, y'know? and that was when I first realized just how much this conference was changing me. back home i never would've had the guts to do that. after that was lunch and then the keynote speaker. this is when most of the really important stuff happened for me. character development and all that jazz. the speaker's name is Cara Filler, I recommend giving her a Google if you want to hear more about her. she's incredible. it started out really funny and happy, just like the workshop. she's a twin and started talking about what being a twin was like and she got everything right. fooling people with appearances, never being called the right name, always having someone by your side, she got it all correct. that's never happened before. then she told us to close our eyes and think of the person or people that we care about most in the world. I thought of my twin, of my family, and of you. she then told us to keep our eyes closed as she played a video for us. it was of someone crying out, practically begging their sister that it was going to be okay. they would get her out, the ambulance was here, it would be okay, I love you, that sort of thing. it ended and she told us to open our eyes. then she told us that everything that had been said was word for word what came from her mouth as she watched her twin sister die in a car crash. that felt like a punch to the gut. my twin and I couldn't look at each other. Cara kept talking for the rest of her time about how to get out of a dangerous situation like that and I actually enjoyed the presentation, even though it was heavy. I'm attaching a video I found of almost the same presentation from like a year ago from some random high school in Canada, but I'm warning you that it doesn't actually start until like 14:30 and it kind of cuts off at the end. it still had all of the important bits though. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B2B4sO2nexs hopefully that works. what really struck me was how similar we are. I'm thirty seconds younger than my sister, she was 39 seconds younger. we both deflect with humor. we both cry. we both care too much. I just saw a lot of myself in her. she was staying after to meet the fairly large crowd of people who wanted to talk to her, but we had regional meetings so I just had to stay where I was. I was wishing on all of my lucky stars that it would be over fast, and it surprisingly was. everyone was getting up and telling me to come back to the rooms bc we were going to hang out for a while before the banquet, but I really wanted to talk to Cara. so I told them I'd see them later. that's another thing that changed. before I never would've stood up for what I needed like that. I would've just done what they wanted and lived with the regrets. I ended up being the second to last person in line. by the time I got up to her, I was on the verge of tears and trembling more than usual. I told her that I was a twin and that i was trying to be better at managing my emotions and trying to convey that she had just changed my life when she asked if she could hug me. I said yes and it was so nice. she hugged me like she meant it. I remember taking a deep breath and telling her that mom wasn't home a lot so it was nice to he held like that and she just hugged me tighter and I cried. for all of the times i've been scared or mistrustful because of adults, she still felt safe. I asked her to sign my notebook and she said of course. since I had her workshop before any of the other ones, her notes page was at the front and she was so happy I'd been taking notes. she signed it and I didn't look- couldn't look, because I knew I'd just break down again- until I'd managed to hide in the empty bathrooms. I looked at it, and do you know what she wrote under her signature? "you are worthy and loved. <3." that made me feel like something in me had shattered and healed, all at once. I walked out of that bathroom feeling lighter than I had in months. after that was the banquet, where we just heard who won certain awards and ate food, and then the dance, which was more like a nightclub or a rave. I tried to enjoy it but I'm not much of a party person so I gave up and went back to the room after an hour. anyway, that was an emotionally jam-packed day and it took no time at all to fall asleep after that. this message got super lengthy so i'll tell you about the last day next time. remember that I love you and you are an amazing human being who deserves happiness and care <3 9054 bestie :) ily <333
ps its 1:15 AM over here so I'm going to bed lol sleep tight
@SeparationAnxietyOverload I'm rereading this now at a coherent time of day and its so dry Im sorry 😭
@SeparationAnxietyOverload hey dove, i know you’re having a really hard time right now, is there anything i can do to help? you can rant, or take a few days to compose yourself. anything you need. i just want to know that you’re okay. remember that i love you <3 9054 <3
@toastydoodler
hey Leah, sorry if I've been MIA, I had to emcee a leadership convention yesterday and I saw your message at like 10pm at night. My computer shuts down at 11pm, so I couldn't type my response in time. I'll reply in just a few minutes, promise. I love you so much and thank you for understanding <3 <3 <3 I've let you down recently and I'll try my best to not let you down again <3 :)) 9054 <3
@toastydoodler
it's not dry at all! I appreciate every single one of your messages, so please don't ever feel like a message you wrote out of your own heart and experience is lacking in anything <3 I love you so much bestie <3
@toastydoodler
p.s. It's 11am here, and I'm going to clean my room compulsively :) I love you so much. <3
@SeparationAnxietyOverload i keep accidentally deleting my messages right before i send them >:( this reload button is (tw caps) BEGGING to be removed lol. sorry in advance if there are any spelling errors in this message, my hands are shaking really bad today and i keep hitting the wrong key. ive been doing some research about that, actually, i think what i have is essential tremor. it's a tremor in the hands/arms and sometimes legs or voice (which could explain why my voice cracks so much). it also entails bad balance (me lol) and an irregular gait (i, for some reason, tend to put more weight on my right leg when i walk and i also walk very fast). ill bring it up to my doctor the next time i see her but it's harmless, if not annoying. having shaky hands and being an artist isnt a great combo lol. how was being an emcee??? was it super fun? ive done the tower building thing before too! kinda irrelevant but that reminds me of the time my teacher had to leave the room for something and i had been trying to finish my homework at my desk and when she came back in she was mad and i was wondering why until i turned around and saw that a few guys had built a tower of stools one on top of the other all the way to the ceiling!!! they even had to stand on the lab tables to get it down. crazy but kind of funny. okay, here's third day! sorry if its not super great writing, its been two weeks. we woke up a little bit later for breakfast (i totally agree with you btw, hotel breakfast is great) and it was almost the same as the day before but it was pancakes instead of french toast. we had a little bit of time to ourselves before everything started to get dressed and stuff and move our bags out of our rooms. we then had our last general session, with final remarks from the leaving officers and the announcement of the new ones. then they showed a video of the conference, little snippets from everything. it was really heartwarming and i wish that they would post it somewhere bc i want to watch it again. i dont think they will tho :( it was really sweet. then they went through some awards for councils, and my school got two! we got the top ten projects award and were certified as a gold council of excellence (ik it sounds fancy lol) which means that next year we can take 16 people instead of 12. after that we checked out and got on the bus to ride back to the school. on the way we stopped for mcdonalds and i got a happy meal. we got back to school with like 45 minutes to spare so we filmed a *** and then my sister and i ent home with our dad bc he picked us up early. i was so sad to leave it all behind when i got back to my room i cried and i didnt want to rake off my jacket because i didnt want it to end. i really really really want to go back next year. anyway my wifi's abt to cut off so i need to send this lol. 9054 bestie, ilysm <33333 talk soon :) love you
@toastydoodler
no it's okay! I'm also not the most technological savvy person lol. That sounds tough honestly, I hope it doesn't get in the way of the things that you do! Praying that your tremor gets better 💞 Don't ever feel bad for trying your best at something and not doing what you expect yourself to do <3 I appreciate your effort in typing the message even with a tremor and I love you so much for it. I looked it up and researched on it a bit, some easy ways that could possibly calm the tremor is maybe a heavy item that you can hang around your wrist? On Google, it says you can wear a wristwatch. I'm not sure if that's the most practical thing, but it's worth a shot! Please just take care of yourself, and I'm happy that you are thinking about raising this concern to your doctor <3 Stay strong and I hope it goes away <3 I doubt that the essential tremor even remotely affects your art, it probably is still as breath-taking as anything else you create <3 Anyway, I think that it kinda makes the strokes more accentuated and it's kind of like an artist trademark! I love that idea lol. <3 It was okay, I felt confident weirdly, it's like I get into another kind of headspace when I'm doing things related to leadership and other stuff like that. That day was my favourite out of my holiday because after that I went home myself (my parents usually pick me up) and it was really strange yet nice to take the bus with the other commuters at like 7pm. The lights become like little starbursts! And the rain gave everywhere a nice gloomy mood. It was so serene because I took the long walk home and picked up some Mexican food. I reached at around 8pm and I felt like I just finished an adventure. I've never felt so free lmao, I wish I can do that again soon. Sigh, the holidays are ending and I felt like I did nothing. It was a week of holiday yet I barely studied. I also have a test on the first day of school so I'm going to study more tomorrow. :/ Woah, I feel like those students are definitely gutsy. They'd probably get killed at my school lmao. It must've been such a shock to the teachers, I wonder if they're used to it. No it's okay! It's partly my fault for making you wait so long to say the entire thing, I'm so sorry <3 The last day of any vacation is always the worst :( I get pre-post-vacation blues. Like thinking about life after the vacation just makes me sad. (tw:caps) ESPECIALLY PACKING LUGGAGE! Aww, the video thing is so sweet! Kinda like a cute short vlog of what yall done! It must've been so nostalgic and wholesome even though it was only a short time :) Aww, it's okay! At least you can remember it in your heart <3 (tw:caps) CONGRATS!!!!! Lwk that sounds super impressive, don't downplay you and your school's achievements! I'm sure you played a big part in it :))) even if you don't realise it <3 Woohoo! That means maybe next year some new friends can go! I'm sure you can go again right? I haven't had a happy meal in so long, I think the last time I had one was when I was like 7. I should get it again just for vibes. I hope you enjoyed your trip! I know sometimes a reallyyy fulfilling and productive trip is hard to leave behind, but maybe it's the start of a chain of good events! I'm sure your perspective of life after that will change for the better! The emotions that come after a good trip is just a reminder that we learnt something from it and that we should treasure it after it's gone! I'd be more concerned if someone were to not experience any attachment to a place after going there for a while. Anyway I hope that you are doing well and good, and take care of yourself as much as possible okay? thanks for texting me, I know I'm being difficult lately I don't know why I'm sorry, ilysm and 9054 <33333 :))))
p.s. How's it going with the girl you met on the trip? 😏 (pls don't feel like you're pressured to answer, if you're not comfortable or anything, please just prioritise yourself and just ignore this, I'm just being a tease sorry) I hope everything is okay and ily <3 <3 <3 <3
@SeparationAnxietyOverload
hey Leah, today was the first day of school and it was horrible. My bus came 15 minutes late and that resulted in me being late to school by one minute. I had to line up at the foyer and write my name and it was horrible. I also had to walk to the hall afterwards where everyone who came to school on time was, and it was kinda like the walk of shame, it was horrible. Two teachers I knew saw me, and one of them was my leadership teacher, it was utterly humiliating. He frowned at me I think. After that we had a grooming check, and the teachers said my hair was too long, but I literally just cut it last Monday :( I think this haircut is the best haircut I've had, so it was demoralizing. My self-esteem literally took so many hits today. After that I realized I forgot to bring my Math homework, which I'd done. And i was super anxious for my science mini-quiz. So I just went home and said I was sick. My dad came to pick me up and my parents aren't the most supportive when I'm sick, so I ended up just listening to them blame me for not eating regularly. Sigh, today was horrible. I don't know if I can handle the anxiety anymore, after holidays it's especially worse. Tomorrow my parents are forcing me to go school. I know I'm not sick but I just can't deal with school right now. Tomorrow I need to meet that same teacher who frowned at me for leadership stuff, he's probably going to have a field day lecturing me. I'm always good in school, the first day of the second term was really bad. I can't anymore I swear. Tomorrow I also need to write an essay for Chinese, and I have not prepared. (It's 7.30pm) I hate life so much and it feels like I'm back at square one when i came to this website to look for help. I hope your day was better than mine, ilysm and talk soon <3 9054 <33
@SeparationAnxietyOverload im sorry you had such a bad first day, dove. thank you for telling me. i know that school can be hard and it's definitely not fair for them to have called you late when it was only one minute after the bell. and your parents had no right to berate you, even if you weren't physically sick. that sounds really awful and you didn't deserve it. hopefully the rest of your week will be better. (also im sure your haircut is great, especially because it's yours and that makes it wonderful). they really are overloading you with work. make sure you rest, and eat a litttle something if you can. i dont know if you have it there but there's a jewish meal that always makes me feel better when im sad or sick, it's matzo ball soup. basically just chicken soup with a matzo ball or two in it (a soft little not-really-dumpling-but-doesn't-have-a-synonym-so-i'm-using-dumpling made of crushed matzo, aka unleavened bread, and some other stuff like eggs and water and such). idk it feels like a warm hug and i thought i might share in case you did want to try it. p light too so it's easy to eat. i'm really proud of you for getting out of your shell at the leadership thing!!! i feel the same way like whenever i have to lead something it feels like i grew six inches and i don't care about the eyes on me. and i'm happy that you were able to enjoy yourself independently too. parents can be frustrating and hurtful and i'm really glad you were able to get away from all that for a while. riding the bus is one of my favorite things too! its nice that when i zone out (as i often do since my focus is awful and even worse when i don't sleep well) i don't have to push it down like i would anywhere else. i can just zone out with my music and nobody bothers me. what a cool coincidence, it was raining here too! do you think we thought about it at the same time? that'd be cool. good choice too btw, mexican food is a favorite of mine, what did you get? my friend had her quincenera (big celebration for when a mexican girl turns 15, there's all sorts of traditions and church ties too) a few months back and the tacos she had there were (tw caps) ABSOLUTELY DELICIOUS. like they were the most EXQUISITE tacos i've ever had lol. it was kind of funny though because other than me and like 6 other people from our grade that were friends of hers we were the only white people (for context, my ancestry is all canadian and eastern european. im pretty much the whitest white to ever live lol) so her dad came over and like explained the food to us. it was hilarious even though we kind of got side eyes all night. you should definitely get a happy meal sometime tho, it made me feel so giddy and childlike. might be childish but my favorite part is the toy. it feels like opening a little surprise gift lol. don't you dare think you're being difficult, you are having a hard time and it's valid to take a little more time than usual. you could never be a problem to me, not ever. i love you too much for that. the girl on the trip hasn't texted me back at all, but hopefully i'll see her at spring conference in a few weeks. it's going to be so awkward but at least i'll know if she actually wants to talk to me. anyway i really hope things will get better for you <3 sending you as many virtual hugs as i can <3 i love you bestie <3<3<3 take care of yourself and talk soon :) 9054 <3
@toastydoodle
Hey bestie, sorry for the long time to reply, I've had competitions back to back and I fell asleep the moment I reached home. I'll reply soon after my school ends, it ends 2 hours from this message. Ilysm and thank you for being there for me ❤❤❤
@SeparationAnxietyOverload ofc dove!!! sleep well <3 love you :)
@toastydoodler
@SeparationAnxietyOverload hey dove!!! it's been a while and i’m really sorry for how long this took. i had to rewrite this three times because i accidentally deleted it when i tried to post 😭💀 i had games every day this week (minus friday) and a tournament this weekend (which we lost, sadly). it shouldn’t have taken me this long to get back to you, and i’m sorry. you deserve better and, quite frankly, i haven’t been a great friend lately. you’re one of the best people i know and its not fair for you to have to wait because of my choices. i’m not going to make empty promises and tell you that i’ll be any less busy, because this is going to be my life for a while, but i promise i’ll do my best to be better about reaching out. i genuinely enjoy talking to you and i don’t want to lose you. i’m sorry about it all. i love you.
first of all, that shower sounds nasty, and i've seen some bad showers. second of all, i’m really proud of you for turning the trip around! even though you had a tough first day, you were able to enjoy the rest of the camp and make the most out of the opportunities you had. it would’ve been so easy to give up and sulk, but you got out of your comfort zone and decided to make the most of it (which isn't easy). that’s incredible, and i’m really proud of you. those teachers sound amazing lol, i love it when they’re like that. people always get on me for being a teacher’s pet but like. it’s common courtesy. i’m literally just treating them with basic human respect. and also they tend to be really fun to talk to and if you’re on their good side you get the advantage of boosted grades and/or more understanding and extra time when you’re out sick. there’s no downsides. but i could (tw caps) NEVER do that ropes course omg i’m terrified of heights. i’ve done them a couple times for people’s birthday parties and stuff like that and my legs were shaking SO BAD every time. there was no walking, only shivering my way across the ropes lol. ngl sometimes being in such a stupid human body makes me mad bc like wdym that if i don’t go look at the bright yellow sky orb i’ll die. wdym being in a safe, normal situation like public speaking or smth still makes me shake or sweat or whatever other stress responses there are. there’s nothing wrong you impolite flesh prison (idk if you can tell but you’re getting nighttime thoughts again lol). ugh sleeping in the heat sucks but at the same time it’s the only thing the heat’s good for. it’s a lose-lose situation bc i get drowsy when it’s warm but if i fall asleep when it’s warm i feel gross. question, what is boost juice? i don’t think we have that here, or at least i haven’t heard of it. lol the middle seat always goes to my twin because she has to keep me and my brother from fighting. i love him but he makes me (tw caps) SO STUPIDLY MAD sometimes. he’s really smart, like got-an-award-from-the-state-for-scoring-so-high-on-standardized-tests smart. he’s autistic and math is his special interest aka something he gets really really into and loves a lot, to a degree past neurotypical people (there’s a story i’ll tell you about that later). right now he’s on high school senior (fourth year for you guys if google is correct) and college level math. he’s ten. it’s all well and good for him, except that means that he always says stuff like “what, you don’t know *insert comically complex equation that i don’t need to know for AT LEAST three more years here*? but it’s SO EASY like a BABY could do it” when he knows by all means that it’s not. i’m a pretty defensive person by nature so when he says something like that it gets to me quickly and it’s pretty much the main thing (along with some things in the same vein) between us. but yeah (story time) when he got diagnosed my parents didn’t even tell my sister and i. we came home one day and found a file on the counter with his name and the city’s hospital psychology ward logo on it, so ofc we peeked because we wanted to make sure he wasn’t dying or anything. right on the first page it said “*name* has been diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder”. i didn’t care that much about the diagnosis itself because a ton of my friends have ASD or ADHD or some other disorder, so i’d grown up around it my whole life. i waited three days for my parents to bring it up to my twin and i because it was a family matter but they never did. the only confirmation i ever got was my aunt, three years later, saying that he was just “a little different”. that made me mad for two reasons: one- it’s not fair that we were kept in the dark about something important to the family; and two- i hate when people hide behind words like that. i understand that we have euphemisms for a reason, but come on! it’s not taboo to say “autistic”, and he shouldn’t have to feel ashamed of who he is because people are tiptoeing around him like he’s a scared deer. we have a word for what’s happening in his brain, it’s called autism, why are people not calling it what it is? it’s not bad. it’s not contagious, and it wouldn’t be awful if it was. he’s a functional human being who struggles because the world wasn’t made for him the way it was made for others. that’s all. sorry for the rant there i don;t think i’ve said that to anyone before. it’s raining here. i don’t know how you deal with it being half of your year. i am proud to say that i did not throw up on the boat rides! a pontoon boat is a rectangular boat that floats using two or three big metal containers filled with air (the pontoons). they’re not as powerful or fast as speedboats (what you’d probably think of when someone says boat) but they’re lighter, can go in shallower water, and generally fit more people. the one we went on was a tritoon, which just means that there were three pontoons instead of two and that makes it ocean-worthy. ikr like every cute place i want to go has prices that would make my grandmother faint. like i just want a shake and maybe some fries why are you taking all of my money 😭😭😭
thank you so much for supporting me. your words mean a lot and they really helped me organize my grief. i felt better when i read them. thank you so much <3
wow okay this started out normal sized and then morphed into a giant monster blob of text, sorry for making you read all of that in one sitting. i love you so much <3<3<3 more that all of the years that our galaxy has been around combined!!! sleep well -or be awake well (??? that does not sound right) if it’s morning. ilysm!!! 9054 bestie :)))
no problem, I'm happy to help you navigate such a fragile matter <3 I'm super glad that you managed to navigate through that. Grief is a difficult thing, and it doesn't completely go away, so if you need any more help, im a text away <3
(tw:caps) NOOO don't be guilty, I love reading your messages. I love reading so don't sweat it! (especially reading things from you <3) I love you so so so much too! it's 9.30pm right now, so I'm gonna go to bed :) I'll tell you if any of my exam results come out :/ im kinda worried though but I'm trying to put it behind me. I love you so much and talk soon bestie! 9054 and have a good night/day/afternoon/evening! <3 <3 <3
p.s. If you could help me read my essay for just a little while it would be great <3 you don't have to though, and take your time with the barrage of messages I sent you <3 sorry for being so inactive im a horrible person sorry <3
it's my birthday in a couple hours. I don't feel happy at all. It's a long school day on my birthday, how depressing :( but oh well. I hope you're doing okay. I love you <3
