Tinys and cats safe place
@Tinywhisper11 hey you ❤ I'm here to support and help you ❤ I'll be here every step of the way rooting for you ❤
Thank you Tiny it makes me feel better already just knowing that I can have direct conversation with you without the whole world having a listen in. You're very kind I appreciate you so much. I know my issues are awkward ones but I already feel like I can open up to you.
@Tinywhisper11 you are very kind to me, I'm worried about what I need to share. I'm struggling with a lot of acting out right now. I don't want to say anything that's going to make you feel embarrassed or offended. I know you have your own things to deal with too. On another post you asked me if I wanted to stop doing what I'm doing or not ... that is a really hard question.
@CatDaddy60 I'm glad I met you ❤ we are friends now, we can share anything with each other. I promise I won't ever get mad, embarrased or offended. It would be my honour to help a hero like you, a military man ❤ you deserve all the kindness and support in the world. I'm a very open minded person, you can feel safe here just to be yourself without any judgement from me, cause I'm nobody to judge anyone
@CatDaddy60 we all have to have something, from bad past experience s, I don't agree with porn, but then I don't agree with drugs either. Buuutttt, every one needs something to make them happy and if porn does that for you, then it's ok. As long as it's under control
@CatDaddy60 why don't you tell me about your teenage years. And what you think about your situation. I'd love to learn from your point of view. I have had a different kind of life. We can help each other ❤ don't be afraid to be you, honesty and staying true to yourself are what makes us human ❤❤gives you a giant tiny hug ❤
Thank you @Tinywhisper11. So, my teenage years is where the trouble began. When I was about 14 I found a stash of nude magazines and I thought I found the best thing ever. I remember the first time I orgasmed - surprising and strange - it was like a whole other world opened. From then on it was like my job was to pursue more material like it, magazines, films, etc and pleasure myself as much as possible. For example, there were times when I was home alone, went on a binge, and literally had nothing left in me to ejaculate, though the pleasure was still there and my body responded - but nothing to come. All this led me to seek more thrills and take risks.
@CatDaddy60 so it for you hooked from a early age. How did you manage in the military? I'm gonna go to bed now, my pain levels are high so I need to try sleep. But I'll come back and reply when I wake up ❤❤ remember your safe hete, you can speak your mind ❤ hugs you goidnight ❤
@Tinywhisper11 I am sorry for your pain and hope you get relief and rest. It was amazing I could even function at all in the military or anywhere else. My plunge into things got worse with risky and explicit behavior all trying to find the next high. I never really got "caught" one time a friend a school walked in on me looking at a magazine, with my pants down doing myself. Not so unusual for an 18-year-old and the embarrassment nearly killed me, but it might have made me bolder because it didn't "kill me." There was another time a woman saw me *** in the car - unintended - but it was so scary and exciting at the same time I immediately ejaculated before I was ready - crazy. I think she knew I wasn't not trying to be explicit and simply walked away - I am thankful - though again, it may have spurred me to other things. I am really nervous about sharing the depth of what I did in the years ahead, because of what you might think about me. A lot of shame here. Though I realize it is good to confess it to someone, so it doesn't remain a secret and I have to address it.
@CatDaddy60 sorry I didn't reply sooner, haven't had a great day with pain, so only just got on here ❤ yeah keeping stuff to yourself, can really effect you worse in the long run. It's ok to have secrets but mentally it can be really hard. I'm a pretty open person, I'm not sure if I have that many secrets. I'm pretty sure at least a few people know every secret. But we are all different, so just say what you want to say. We are friends no pressure to talk about anything you don't want to ❤
@Tinywhisper11 and I hold alot of shame too ❤ for probably different reasons, but still shame is a horrible feeling. You never have to suffer alone ❤
I'm sorry for your pain, I know that affects everything about you. And praying that you can get some relief though I realize with limited knowledge about your situation that this is an ongoing thing for you. I don't want to add any more burden to you. So, I thank you very much for any interaction on here. It's strange because I have am interaction with someone on here that actually took me further into my problem. And, it would be very easy to continue to pursue the line of conversation that I've been having which would be destructive. So, I contemplated leaving seven cups all together, but then this conversation you and I are having is one that I'm not managing to mess up yet. So, I'm going to try to redirect what it's been a problem and draw from good.
@CatDaddy60 yeah I've had one penpal, which turn out so great in the end, she was relying on me a bit to much, and I couldn't keep up with the demands, so she got angry called me some names and left cups altogether I think
@CatDaddy60 so here is what we will do, if it gets to much for either of us, I'm the long run. Then we be honest with each other, and walk away from the friendship with a nice goodbye and dignity.. Deal
@Tinywhisper11 and also your troubles are not a burden on me or anyone else. So please don't think of it as one ❤
That is a deal.. two human beings here and both have their own needs, issues, and struggles. What I would ultimately hope is that I can contribute to your well-being as much as I'm seeking support from you.
@Tinywhisper11 hey tiny, I hope you're feeling better. You probably seen some discussion Helga and I've had which has been really good and helped keep me pointed or to get me repointed in the right direction on some things. I wanted to share that there is a listener I got involved with that I allowed bad Spirit within me to start pursuing a sexualized experience. Not good for me or the listener, unfortunately it was something being welcomed by both of us. Nonetheless, you and Helga helped keep my head screwed on straight so I was able to turn that situation off of the destructive path that was feeding my manipulative and self gratifying demon. Thank you for being here for me, I just hope I can repay you in some small way
@CatDaddy60 yeah I read that conversation. I'm very lucky to have helga and people like her, as my friends on cups ❤ repay me, we are friends, friends are there for each other ❤ I'm not here to want something in return, I'm here cause I care about you. Yeah, you gotta becarful who you choose to put your trust in, not all listeners and members here are good for us. I'm sorry that happened with you. I'm very proud of you for opening up in forum threads, and here with me, I know it's not gonna be a easy topic for you. But I'm here to help you in any way I can, and many others are here to support you too. I'm glad you found cups ❤
Good advice @Tinywhisper11 and I will try ... orient myself in the direction and try to take the first step.
By the way, I want to ask you something that may sound out of sorts. I am asking you to forgive me.
Knowing that you have been exploited and harmed by the porn industry. Knowing that I have consumed so much of the imagery - not that I have ever been interested in torture porn and the like - but it is all related to how people are treated. I have never met anyone like you before. It makes me sad to realize the real-life impact. For me, you represent that.
Will you forgive me for whatever part I have played in perpetuating the abuse in porn? I want release to heal and move on.
Good morning Tiny, this may have been buried in all of our talk and you may not have noticed it. I realized later I should not have asked you this, I think it's unfair and insensitive. I am sorry.
@CatDaddy60 good morning ❤I did miss this message, thanks for bringing it to my attention. Thankyou for that apology and sweet message, but you are my friend, so you have nothing to be sorry for ❤ I know you don't believe this yet but you have done nothing wrong. It's a addiction you picked up at a early age, that has sort of become a trap for you, you recognise that and want help to change. I think that's great ❤ you said you don't watch torture porn or child porn, so you just done what came natural to you. The people who did theese things their the ones to blame. I guess most people who buy/watch porn, do it innocently, and don't really know which ones are real abused people or just actors playing a role. It's embarrassing for me cause I could be trying to help support someone, when they've seen me in these kind of tapes, or photos.
@Tinywhisper11 I'm feeling ok ❤ i went to sit outside in the garden earlier to watch the sunrise😁 then I made my 3 little pigs (guinea pigs) treat puzzle balls, now I'm gonna go do some gental exercises with my carer, then relax for a bit😁 how as your day been?? Did you celebrate the 4th of July??
I love that image of the treat puzzle balls for the guinea pigs! That's so sweet. Yes, we did celebrate Independence Day in a low-key way. My wife and I and one of our daughters had supper at home and while everybody was setting off some major fireworks all around the neighborhood and Community we had some sparklers in the backyard. My daughter recorded a silly video of me with some sparkers and managed to post that up on her *** and shared it with a bunch of other family members so I got my 15 minutes of fame.
@CatDaddy60 haha! Your famous for being silly😁 that's a great thing to be famous for. It sounds like you had fun ❤ are any of your daughters living with you? I know your one is happily married ❤ so I guess she's moved away, I hope not far away though. I bet your an amazing dad ❤ so your 69 years young? I would love to learn all about your family and life. I never had parents or any family, so I like to learn through the eyes of others ❤
@Tinywhisper11 I will be 64 later this year. Both of our daughters live outside the home. The one that was with us though may need to come back for a while. She has been living independent advice for probably a decade. However she is involved in a high profile legal case that involves some abuse and sex trafficking. She was exploited sexually and physically abused and has won a civil case ($millions) with a group of other girls, but now there is a federal case being launched against this individual and cohorts that perpetrated the crimes. It hasn't made the mainstream news thankfully, but it is similar to the Epstein Saga.
It's very stressful on her because of all of the Court and having to recall and detail all of the events. PTSD, to which I'm sure you can relate.
It was a sweet and enjoyable holiday visit last night. I don't think we've had one like that in a long time. Didn't mean to drop all that on you at once but her story like many is more complicated than what you see on the service. We are just glad to have her back.
@CatDaddy60 oh 😞 that's terrible, I'm so glad she's safe now, as a parent that must of absolutely crushed you😥 I'm so sorry. It's ok to drop things on me, I'm here to support and help you ❤ I never went through court, my case is complicated, and no one arrested, the bad people are still doing theese things to others😞 is your daughter physically ok? And ok 64 I said 69 I aged you a bit there😁 what about you, how's your health. Being a military man could not of been easy on you, bless you ❤
Thank you, yes my daughter is physically okay, though some of the other girls required surgery and they all need mental health therapy. I'm doing pretty well apart from the issues that I've shared on here. It makes me feel guilty from all the years that I pursued pleasure from pornographic material knowing that while some of that was done with the full voluntary participation of the people involved, many were exploited from a young age, to be clear I'm not talking about child prn, but still young women like my daughter get manipulated exploited and abused. I fear what I have done in my own life has perpetuated or contributed or been complicit for the evil that exists in this world. That is the difficulty I'm having forgiving myself, as evil came home to my family
@CatDaddy60 unfortunately people like me were made to do torture porn from a very young age, and from the age of 12 it became adult torture porn. I really really hope I wasn't one of those porn people you have seen🙁
however addictions are not easy, and something you've done from a young age. When you get the hunger I suppose it's uncontrollable🙁 when I was rescued I was addicted to cocaine, my owners would drug is as kids, but even more so the last few years I was with them spent several months in hospital having surgerys, and recovering. The doctors made me go cold turkey, and it worked. But then again I hated being injected with drugs, so maybe it made it easier to not go back. Other than going cold turkey, I don't know what to suggest. Or possibly check somehow make sure what you watch is willing adults.
Hey tiny, I want to be very clear that I can't stand for people being hurt and certainly would not watch torture p***. I don't think there's any chance I have seen material where you were involved. That said I do realize that pornographic material where people are portrayed having normal sexual relations are often still ones who are coerced emotionally and physically into such things. I don't think a whole lot of what I have viewed and utilized has been healthy, though I know that in some cases they are mature and independent adults that have made decisions to do things they wanted to do.
I actually don't want to do it at all because of my addiction problem with it, it's like stepping out on a slippery slope once I get started I go deeper and deeper into it and comes in more of my life. I really just want to focus on having a healthy relationship sexually and otherwise with my wife.
I'm really sad about what has happened to you and what you've come through, and it's so devastating to think about I don't even have words to respond that would be adequate. I'm glad you're at a point where you can work through things and are safe. I'm grateful you're willing to talk with me so honestly.
@CatDaddy60 guilt is a hard one, I have alot of guilt to😥 maybe we can get through that together ❤
I feel like we're already on that path. However, I don't want to get a monopoly on the sharing. Anything you want to share with me I hope you would, though I realize you have shared quite a bit with Helga. Whatever is beneficial to you, I'm here for that. I cannot even fathom the experiences that you have come through.
I'm afraid that most of what has happened to me has been self-inflicted except for one episode when I was about 7 yesrs old which I almost forget about from time to time but then I look back and realize that could have been a seed that was planted in my life.
@CatDaddy60 oh someone hurt you as a child??😥 I'm pretty open about my past, until I'm struggling and actually need some support. Then I shy away from everyone. Yep! I'm wierd😂😂 does venting help you? Sometimes it's just nice to get your feelings and thoughts out sometimes ❤
@Tinywhisper11 this talk that we're having is the first real extended conversation that I've had about the issues. The therapy that I had really only touched the surface and dealt with what I was doing and not why I was doing it. Helga has been a nice gift on here as well and I like her Candor and support.
I didn't really get hurt in that episode I mentioned, except I think it created some thoughts and images and possibilities in my mind that had not existed. An older boy from across the street trying to get me to put his *** in my mouth. I put my mouth over it but I never touched it. He told me that one of my friends down the street had done it too and that it was okay. I kind of put that out of my mind for a long time. But then sometimes I would think about it and wonder what it would have been like had I actually well you know. I wonder how it would have changed me, have thought at different times maybe I wanted to experience that to know. What I know now is that I want to experience what is good for me and for others.
@CatDaddy60 well I'm glad it ended before you got hurt. So thinking back then on that thought. What kind of things do you fantasize about sex?? I know this is an addiction that many people face, and I've heard some things from my friends on here, that first shocked me, but as I learnt more, I realised that it's just human instinct to get thrills from fantasizing, and it's only fantasy not stuff you would actually do.
My fantasies don't involve anything I would call unusual. By that I mean sometimes I fantasize about having sex with a particular person, usually one of the nude models whose pictures I'm looking at. A lot of times it's just that looking at pictures of there bodies and simply enjoying the effect those images have on me and in that it's just reaching the the goal of ***. That's really one of the problems I think with utilizing imagery that's not in relationship is that your objectively using it for stimulation purely for pleasure that has nothing to do with knowing the person and being in relationship with them. There's one particular fantasy that I've had lately which is outside the boundaries of what could possibly be real and that is I fantasize about having sex with my sister-in-law. There's a certain kind of attention between us and my thoughts naturally drift in that direction. However I would never act on that being a reality because of Destruction it would cause and our family especially for my wife and my sister-in-law's family and all of that. I'm not assuming that she would actually do that with me but if the opportunity were there I would not act on it. Nonetheless it is interesting to think about because it is something that involves a real person that I'm involved with.
@CatDaddy60 I'm not sure I see the issue with your situation here, your 64, your doing what nature intends, your not perving on kids. It doesn't sound like your really a bad guy. I don't agree with porn, but that's just because of my past. Your not doing anything wrong here ❤
@Tinywhisper11 thanks tiny. I think what the issue is is that p*** and excessive self gratification is tied to some other things. I guess I have gotten off balance and lost myself in seeking more thrill more sensation, wasting so much time and energy in that Pursuit that it affected relationships and had been called doing things that would have been humiliating to me and my family and even cost me my job if I was caught.
I'll try to be brief here, but once I moved past the Boyhood fascination with magazines and masturbation, I would try to find Opportunities to walk around without my clothes on outside, not wanting to get caught but just thrill of it which of course involved masturbation in the open air. That progressed and some situations would try to be observed *** by girls in school but not directly caught or identified.
When the internet took off and chat rooms available I would engage in conversations working of course to sexualized them and found surprising willingness on the part of women young and old to participate and virtual sex. Couple of occasions resulted in physical meetups. The grip of this activity being so strong that I would engage it at work since I had a private office. There was someone that got fired because pornography was discovered on his computer but that didn't stop me.
So, having opened the window so you can catch a glimpse of all that my fear it's always that I will lose my balance and get out of control and pursue things that can be destructive. Also, I want to regain intimacy with my wife and if I'm expending so much time on myself and pursuing pornography I'm not spending it on her. I hope that makes sense. I'm coming to think of things not so much in terms of what's right and what's wrong and if I'm a bad or a good guy and all that but what is better or best in my relationship with my wife and other people.
As you can imagine Tiny, I've shared but a bit of the things I regret doing, whichthat weigh upon me. Episodes here and there of total loss of self control.
@CatDaddy60 does your wife know, what excites you, and she willing to do things that might seem a little strange to her?? Like dress up, or in different places and situations? Cause I think that might help you reconnect with her and reality a bit. Then hopefully you won't need porn, ❤
She would be willing and I know craves the intimacy with me. Now that we've gotten older I know that she doesn't always feel well with her arthritis and some other things. But but I think sometimes I think of that as an excuse not to push myself past some awkwardness that I feel at this point. We haven't been physically intimate and so long that I feel odd about it for some reason, maybe that I'll be embarrassed in some way perhaps even that will make an attempt and be rejected which I don't really think would be the case. But yes, trying to shift my getting satisfaction from pornography to sharing the satisfaction with my wife is my goal. I think I'm trying to figure out what's appropriate in terms of masturbation and not have that waste energy that could be expended not just for my own pleasure but for that of my wife. I actually don't require anything like dressing up or role-playing or whatever it's just that I've gotten so misdirected.
@CatDaddy60 it's ok ❤ start of slow little things at a time, try it with your wife, and cut down on master bating slowly, pornography well slowly cut that out to. You need to get rid of the shame you carry aswell, there are many bad people in this world, but honey you are not one of them. You have not done anything wrong, you are only human, and human is exactly how you've been acting. Maybe next try to come up with a special evening just you and your wife, be affectionate and see what happens ❤
Hopefully this is a sign of progress, because I feel like it is. I have not masturbated for 2 days though I viewed some not explicit material online, I mean just ***, I actually avoided acting on it. I'm going to have to relieve myself today because of just built up tension. But I think I I'm getting more in balance and not being so compulsive and over run by my urges.
@CatDaddy60 hey that's great ❤❤ that's a huge step forward, I'm very proud of you ❤ being here on this site, you will hear stories like mine, and then others that are going through the same as you. We are all one big family here, learning from each other. I hope this will help you through your journey of healing ❤ I'm very proud of you, gives you giant huge tiny hugs ❤❤
Hey @Tinywhisper11, hope you are well. May God shower his grace upon you.
@CatDaddy60 thankyou ❤ how are things going with you?
Generally good. I have a post in the Motivation & Accountability community that asks folks to inquire how my walk is going - so I get questioned every day. Someone asked today, and this is what I said:
So far, today has been a day on the right path. I have actually had a couple of days that I tried to veer off onto that other path but didn't feel like I had the energy! Strange blessing to feel that way, but I am grateful for it.
Last night I responded to someone else on here with the same struggle and was able to give advice based on what I have done that helps, i.e. help yourself avoid things by turning on safe search filter in your browser. You can try to outsmart yourself by turning off the filter, but it is a deliberate effort and one more step that gets in your way to make you think about it.
@CatDaddy60 👏👏👏 your doing so amazing ❤ and able to help others through your experiences, is awsome ❤❤ I'm glad your getting lots of support, and staying really strong through all this. I'm very proud of you ❤ gives you a giant tiny hug ❤❤
Thanks @Tinywhisper11. You are all about 7 Cups offering inspiration, affirmation, and support. I hope I can return even a portion of what you have blessed me with. I can see God's grace beaming through you.
Just thinking about you this morning tiny, hoping you have a good day though you're about 6 hours or so ahead of me, I hope your pain is not overwhelming though I know you have to live with it constantly. I pray for you and I'm glad to know you.
@CatDaddy60 awww thanks for thinking of me ❤ I'm doing ok ❤ pain levels are not higher than normal, mentally struggling a bit. How is everything going with you?? Have you found lots of support here?
Hey Tiny, it has been a while since I posted anything here, but I think about you everyday and you are in my prayers. I hope you're doing well. I know you're all over seven cups touching lives here and there which I think is so remarkable and wonderful. May God's blessings pour upon you. Cat.
@CatDaddy60 ❤❤ thankyou sweetie ❤❤ I see your getting along in cups really well, I'm proud of you ❤
I'm trying, and it's people like you that make all the difference
@CatDaddy60 trying is awsome ❤❤ remember your not doing anything wrong, but your doing this for yourself ❤ I think your awsome ❤ and thanks for the kind words 😁❤
@Tinywhisper11 it's my sons 13th birthday on the 30th. I'm really struggling right now😥
Hi tiny, I can only begin to imagine the difficulty. As I said I think about you everyday, and I'm praying for you right now as I'm posting this. Your love is amazingly big for everyone you meet I Can Only Imagine the love for your son. May God bless you hold you keep you now especially.
@CatDaddy60 ❤❤❤ your a very sweet friend ❤ thankyou so much ❤
