Chat Between @jesusredeemedme2425 and @mytwistedsoul
Please don't read/post/subscribe/react/etc if you are not the people listed in the title! Thanks! <3
You seem pretty dang awesome, and I'd love to get to know you if you'd like <3 No pressure if you don't... Feel free to ignore if you're not interested <3
Is it weird that I’m bored, so I’m lazily browsing the DID section of Reddit?
@jesusredeemedme2425 Not really? If it's something you're interested in learning more about. I browse those spaces too sometimes looking for suggestions or ideas.
I’ve been interested in learning about it for quite awhile. I watched a lot of videos about it for awhile too.
Is that bad? Idk…
@jesusredeemedme2425 Is there a specific reason you're interested in it? Or just interested in general? Do you watch any of The CTAD clinic videos?
Just in general. Maybe you were the reason I got interested in it <3
Never heard of it. What is it?
What are your thoughts on DissociaDID?
@jesusredeemedme2425 LOL!
It's a clinic in the UK. Dr. Mike works with people with DID and cptsd and ptsd. Very informative.
We do not watch. Too much controversy and drama and bad information. Rumored to be tulpamancy rather than DID.
I just googled tulpamancy. I’m confused lol! Can you please explain it so I understand?
Does she give incorrect information? I always thought, even if she’s faking it, she was giving good info. Was I wrong?
Do you watch any systems on YT? I’ve seen others that seem much more legit.
@jesusredeemedme2425 Tulpamancy is creating an imaginary friend. People use meditation and visualization to create a "being" that lives in their head. They are purposely created.
From what I understand, some information was good but some could be construed as harmful. But I'm only repeating what I've read.
No. We have watched other systems on YT but not on their personal channels. Mainly things like this https://youtu.be/A0kLjsY4JlU?si=llXUxqdSHWUBAoYc
Huh… I didn’t even know that was a thing.
Hmm… Maybe I shouldn’t watch her stuff anymore.
I don’t feel comfy clicking on some links here… I worry about malware lol. What should I search for? :)
@jesusredeemedme2425 I only know what I've read. But I can't say 100% that what I've read is true. Maybe I'll have to check it out myself.
I wouldn't send you malware. But it's on you tube. If you search it's Medcircle DID
I’ve heard that she’s fake too. I was just wondering what someone with DID thought <3
I don’t think you would lol… I’m just SUPER paranoid. Welcome to my mental illness lol
Thank you! <3
How you guys doing lately?
@jesusredeemedme2425 Paranoia is horrible. It hits here at times. I'm sorry you have to deal with that too.
Does anybody hear her?
@jesusredeemedme2425 They do. We do. I'm sorry you're struggling so much right now. I wish there was something more we could do to help.
It's okay to rest. To focus on yourself. I know you enjoy so many things here... making others feel welcome and loved. It takes a lot of energy keeping that mask on. It's exhausting.
Everyone that knows you accepts you for you. The good times and the bad. We're all here for you. ❤️
I feel invisible. All the time. Daily.
@jesusredeemedme2425 It's hard feeling that way. What would help ease that, have you any ideas?
Dunno.
I had a panic attack tonight
@jesusredeemedme2425 Oh no! 😞 Were you able to calm down and get some rest? How are you feeling today?
Yeah, it finally calmed down. It was a little scary… I was really weak in my legs, and shaky, and I could hardly walk. :(
@jesusredeemedme2425 Those are scary. Do you do box breathing or other grounding? When you're at home do you walk around with bare feet? It's an odd question but I've found that it helps me stay grounded a little easier.
No, and all the time hehe
What bothers me is that I have trauma and I can’t remember it. I’ve also blocked out much of my childhood, even though I had a great childhood.
@jesusredeemedme2425 Even with a mostly good childhood, trauma can impact your memory. Good memories can be tainted by a traumatic experiences.
But like… what happened? My trauma wasn’t that bad. Idk
@jesusredeemedme2425 trauma isn’t just about what happened to you. It’s about how your nervous system processed (or didn’t process) those experiences.
It was mostly a slow burn.
Then why did I essentially block out most of my childhood?
I Can remember it at will, but I try not to.
@jesusredeemedme2425 I don't know the answer to this. There could be a number of reasons why I think. Fear, shame, associating childhood with bad things....
My stepdad was there for all of it. (Minus a few years.) My dad, the whole time. More or less.
@jesusredeemedme2425 They've both passed on now, yes? That could have stirred things up for you more.
Yeah.
How?
@jesusredeemedme2425 Well there's grief. Grieving the relationship that never was. Grief at what was taken from you. Anger because there's been no accountability and no apology. There are a lot of complex emotions when an abuser dies
My stepdad NEVER apologized. My dad did… But it still hurts…
@jesusredeemedme2425 Of course it still hurts. It's understandable that it would. Just because someone apologizes that doesn't make everything all better or make it disappear 💜
Why won’t it disappear?
@jesusredeemedme2425 Maybe because you haven't fully processed it and made peace with it?
I don’t even remember a lot of it.
@jesusredeemedme2425 Your brain has probably repressed the bad memories as a defense mechanism.
Probably.
I have a new potential friend on Cups for you! They have DID too, and they seem awesome? Interested? <3
@jesusredeemedme2425 I think I saw them on a thread :)
I’m sorry I made this all about me lately…
@jesusredeemedme2425 I don't think you did, so there's nothing to be sorry for! ❤️ Besides, friendship is give and take yes?
I do a lot of take.
@jesusredeemedme2425 You give so much more though ❤️
I haven’t talked to you about you in a long time.
@jesusredeemedme2425 That's alright. I'm not complaining lol! I do better with giving support than receiving it
I wanna support you. Tell me stuff! *patiently waits* <3
are you ever afraid of the dark?
Absolutely.
@jesusredeemedme2425 sometimes it's too scary to sleep cuz it feels like theres somebofy walkin in the room. we need to get a dog again. maybe 2. stuffies don't have teeth 😞 i miss the dogs
im not sposed to be scared any more 🥺
Oh hon… I totally understand <3 I always see dark shapes and think someone’s in the room too. It’s terrifying :(
What kind of dogs do you want? <3
Studies have magic powers tho <3 I have 6! <3
What dogs did you have before?
Noooo you can be scared! I’m in my 30s and I’m still scared of the dark. It’s not an age thing, it’s a human thing <3
@jesusredeemedme2425 He said he talked to Jesus... 😅 I didn't realize he meant you ❤️
Awwww how sweet! <3
I’m honored that he trusted me enough to show himself to me <3
@jesusredeemedme2425 I think it's because he sees you around a lot and you're always so nice. It was a bad night. We used to have a listener but she's never around
Thank you ❤️
I know he dreams about a yellow puppy named Roger 😅
Awww <3
Was it a bad night because of the dark, or something else? The dark scares me too. I may be in my 30s, but it still does…
Can I be your listener? <3
Awww, what are the dreams about? <3
@jesusredeemedme2425 Appreciate the offer but that would change the dynamics and we'd rather have your friendship ❤️
I didn’t mean officially XD I mean just like someone to talk to… like now <3
I like that <3
@jesusredeemedme2425 Oh! Lol ok that works. Was a little worried you'd be upset. Some people get offended when told no
Noooo I’m not upset lol. I don’t even have a listener account… Don’t have the bandwidth for that lol
@jesusredeemedme2425 It takes a lot of energy to be a listener. It's time consuming and nerve wracking at times. And people can be really inappropriate
I've been wanting to say I'm sorry if I/we seem difficult. It's been hard to share things here. It's not anything personal towards you or anyone else ❤️
Are you a listener?
Yeah, it would take a lot more out of me than I’m willing to give.
Difficult? How so? I haven’t noticed <3
Hard to share with me, or share with anyone here?
@jesusredeemedme2425 A few years back I was. It just got to be too much. Worrying about replying in a timely fashion and saying the right things. And the constant push from the establishment to constantly do more
I take forever to respond. Lol
The establishment?
You’re absolutely not <3
How did you figure out you had DID in the first place?
The littles can come out and hang whenever they want. You have a safe space with me <3 And I love butt jokes. Like Ramsbottom. “Hehe bottom” ;)
@jesusredeemedme2425 This time it was me that took forever. I actually thought I did but got sidetracked or something
Twistie, I feel yucky… I have the flu :(
@jesusredeemedme2425 Aww yeah the flu is definitely not anyone's friend that's for sure. I'm sorry you're feeling so yucky. ❤️ Does anything help? Maybe some tea and honey? Some Tylenol or Advil for the aches? I hope you took the day off and are tucked in bed resting ❤️
I took today and yesterday off.
I’m sorry I’ve been such a bad friend…
@jesusredeemedme2425 You haven't been a bad friend! What makes you think you have been?
I'm glad you took some time off while you're sick ❤️
I’ve barely responded. To you or any of my other penpal chats
@jesusredeemedme2425 It happens. It can be a lot some days. You have a lot of pen pals too I bet. Plus with other threads going on. You can't be here 24/7. I think most people figure they're not every day things? I mean if that's what pen pals decide that's ok. But I don't think many of us have demands like that. Some people it might trigger their anxiety but idk?
I guess so
Flu and heat exhaustion are brutal…
@jesusredeemedme2425 I know so 😁
Omgosh yeah they are brutal. I had heat exhaustion twice so far this summer and then caught bronchitis 😬 horrible stuff. Make sure you're drinking lots of fluids ❤️
Trying. Headache/migraine too…
@jesusredeemedme2425 Oh those are the worst. Rest you eyes. Avoid screens and reading and lights. I hope it goes away soon ❤️
I have all three. Lol
@jesusredeemedme2425 That's no good! 😅 Hopefully you took a break and rested your eyes
Does going to bed count lol
@jesusredeemedme2425 It does! Is your migraine any better? ❤️
Much <3
I’m having a moment… But idk what it is.
@jesusredeemedme2425 A bad moment? Usually I pause and take a few deep breaths to try and calm myself. Try grounding. Does prayer help calm you?
Yeah, idk what I was feeling.
Sometimes
***TW***
My dad’s not alive anymore… I wonder if my similar bad choices will leave me the same way.
I think I need to retreat, disappear, for awhile… Not from here, not from life. Just from… being me.