Just because.
@FormalPsycho
Just in case you'd ever like to share anything. I might make a "Lego" record player to put next to the piano.
@FormalPsycho How about now?
That's nice for you John.
If you ever need someone to be delusional about love with, you know where to find me.
I'm so sure he likes me but is just unable to verbally say so.
I wonder if it has to do with a song he had once had on his status. You see, once I said something about time travel and seconds later he put a song called "traveler" but in Spanish.
If it is me he likes, he had a song on his status before, I actually did the same with one particular song that includes Venezuela in the lyrics because he's Haitian-Venezuelan.
I'm side tracked anyhow, the first verse of the song he had put:
"Can you hear me calling
Out your name?
You know that I'm falling
And I don't know what to say
I'll speak a little louder
I'll even shout
You know that I'm proud
And I can't get the words out"
Ive given abby 1,700 dollars, I own nothing to my name, and still she's care no more to me than a friend, that pain, this pain i feel, I wish you will never have to share.
@FormalPsycho I wrote how I feel about something he said before he knew me long enough, I wouldn't share it now, maybe in the future:
"I might never stop loving you.
I have tried to forget you.
I even tried to hate you.
I was ultimately unsuccessful.
I might be hated by you.
It still wouldn't change a thing.
I cannot hide my feelings.
They are clear to see.
Those feelings of yours, they too show.
No matter how you try to hide them.
I am not blind.
I still somehow got told "I don't want to send you mixed messages", when we hadn't even spoken for a week.
If that is so, then the message must be, "I love you". "
@FormalPsycho It just so happens my mom spoke to me about something like this. She said "when you are in a relationship don't give your all (monetarily speaking), if you want to give a gift, give only one thing, don't gift them everything." With the right person you can give your all emotionally, but material things shouldn't be given like that.
@FormalPsycho she takes advantage of your kindness, any sensible human being, when seeing that they don't love you, would've given it back to you. Man, even the right person wouldn't have accepted it.
@FormalPsycho I want to put it this way John, your money would be meaningless to the person, because they wouldn't want you for it, or for what you can offer them, rather they'd want you for who you are, love you for who you are. They would in fact give it back to you, because they wouldn't be able to take it from you and live with themselves.
@FormalPsycho
Hey, John! How's it going? 💜
I'm tired.
@FormalPsycho I am sure that you are, John. Being a mechanic is physically tiring, and loving someone who doesn't love you back is physically tiring. I'm always here to listen if you want to talk about anything you feel.
@FormalPsycho meant to put mentally for the second half. but my brain had other ideas
I realize, I love abby, and maybe one day she will love me back, but just because two people love each other doesn't mean it will work out
@FormalPsycho I should know, sometimes one of them (my male Abigail) turns you down before ever really knowing you (said he didn't want to send mixed signals when we hadn't even talked for a week), and then can't stop thinking about you ( loves to stare, gave me a kiss on the cheek, & somehow exists around me all the time & did so today too). That person happens to also be a coward who can't say they love you, because they are scared, especially after being so stupid.
@FormalPsycho if it can work, it will. If it can't it won't. You could end up falling in love with someone else you know, someone who's fallen the same way for you. Someone it does work with.
The thought upon a cloud.
@FormalPsycho How's it going, John?
@FormalPsycho so, I'm almost 100% certain he likes me. He had known from last time that I go to conventions on the bus. He volunteered for bus duty in the morning. He was the first person I saw when I got to the convention. He said something longer than Hi. Don't know if it was nice to see you or what? Then I went upstairs and his dad and cousin were there.
@FormalPsycho if you're wondering why I don't know, it was a quick interaction, he wasn't expecting me to get off while he was occupied.
@FormalPsycho Hey, John! 👋 How's it going? 💜
@FormalPsycho Hey, John! So, you are smart for this, that's why I ask. Do you remember what the real name for those devices where you could play a movie CD, but it was a small screen, and portable, is?
Ours I think was the brand Sony, red top, black bottom, you opened it like a flip phone, only it was a full square, and the screen was on the thinner side, with the cd player on the thicker black side.
I remember watching movies on it when I was younger, Tarzan specifically, I believe Tarzan 2 and Madagascar as well.
Sony CDP
Sorry, DVP.
Sony DVP
@FormalPsycho
Couple of different things:
1. You should never, and I mean never, be sorry, considering you're doing me a favor.
2. Thank you very much, John! 💜
3. That is in fact what those were like.
4. I was sure you'd know, thank you for your expertise.
@FormalPsycho
I have a question John, what did you like as a kid? Any special interests? Any kids movies you enjoyed?
@FormalPsycho
I'm remembering this one time my mom made cupcakes for a party. She put rings in them, that was a thing when I was little. The bakery would have really pretty princess rings or superhero rings for kids. So she put bubble wand rings. Like you could open the ring and blow bubbles from the top. It was super cool as a kid. Also there was a bouncy house. Okay, I'm done being a child.
Hey, John!
You know, I think I'm done with liking the guy who was my female Abby. I recently realized I can in fact like another human being and that it doesn't need to be the person who doesn't care about me.
I believe I'm finally free, at least in that sense.
@FormalPsycho
You need to hear this.
I've started a new game with Harvey, yes THE Harvey. I'm using a burner account on a certain social media, I've had it for a while, and I've been posting stories about everything she likes. Naturally that sparked a conversation between us, and we're talking frequently at the moment, this all started today. I feel proud of my intelligence, to manipulate her, I'm going to find out if she kept anything I gave her, and what she thinks of me.
@FormalPsycho you know you should really watch the Phantom of the Opera.
@FormalPsycho You're exactly like Erik. Minus the facial deformation and killer vocals.
@FormalPsycho May I ask John, does that not sound like you are overstepping a boundary? When she finds out it is you, how do you think she'll feel toward you?
She won't. And if she somehow does, "omg this is so embarrassing, I swear I had no clue it was you!"
Here's the thing, she's already flirting with me, she is a loner now.
@FormalPsycho John, she already knows you are persistent. If she finds out, which one day she will, she'll think you're a stalker, because you are stalking her.
Yes, I am stalking her, and i enjoy it.
I am not ashamed of my actions. She does not remember me. She knows nothing of me anymore.
@FormalPsycho Yes, John, However, are you not side tracked, what good does this do you? You wanted her to be yours, no? How does stalking her help?
I dont want to be in a relationship with her, sure just missed her company, however I would never go back.
I do not know my end goal, I'm finding that as we go.
So far I've fed her the story if my life after a break up exactly like ours, but she doesn't know it was between us, she already admitted my ex was a ***. Funny how she can call herself that.
@FormalPsycho Question John, were you ever actually in a relationship? You may or may not have left that part out, for a long time.
@FormalPsycho I just want to make sure you aren't hurting your own self in an attempt at revenge. I will not lie, I do find it incorrect morally to keep gifts if you don't reciprocate the givers feelings. I just want you to be alright.
@FormalPsycho I answered your earlier statements but I'd also like to know what are your interests as of late.
I was in a relationship with Harvey a long time ago, i will not be harmed.
@FormalPsycho May I ask a question John, I believe you had said you moved out of your parent's home?
No, I am still here.
@FormalPsycho May I ask, do you still enjoy playing piano?
@FormalPsycho I would like to ask a random question, John what was school like for you growing up?
@FormalPsycho for example for the first 5 years Pre-K to 3rd grade I was in a normal class setting. During the last two-three months of 3rd grade I was switched to a gifted class, with classmates I had been with when I was younger.
Being in a normal classroom and being in a gifted classroom as a kid is very different.
@FormalPsycho Kids labeled as Gifted get more opportunities.
@FormalPsycho did you know that?
@FormalPsycho Do you know what I think of you, John? I think of you as very smart, smarter than I am intellectually. You aren't as amazing with EQ but you are much better now than before. I feel you've grown, more able to express emotions. That's a good thing. The funny thing is there's not a specific reason why I believe you are smart. I think maybe your way of speaking and interests are what move me to believe so.
I was right, the Kylie situation played in my hand.
School was, interesting, I learned most of my trade skills in highschool. Every teacher loved, and every kid new me. I was popular, gifted, hilarious. That was who I am. Who i can still be if I wanted, but I have no desire.
We've been talking all night, she knows who I am, and We've shared life, memories of us together. We're healing.
It was very late perhaps last night when I came clean with "I think you're my ex" I made it genuinely seem like a mistake. Now im casually flirting. Life is strange.
@FormalPsycho Not so far off from me, only I wasn't known for being hilarious, rather for being kind. I did get bullied indirectly at times though, now that I think about it, but then again, everyone was.
@FormalPsycho I've always been fat, because it was trauma induced and now difficult to undo. So, that is what I got bullied for. I realized however, that most kids respected me, most of the time. Respected my religion as well. They realized that I wouldn't be easily manipulated. I say that because there was this girl who manipulated other girls, the "popular girls" to like her, act like her, have the same products. She was fine with me though, thought well of me. Crazy honestly, never understood how they could be manipulated, but actually there was a guy who also did the same to the guys.
@FormalPsycho I actually liked that guy as a kid, had a crush on him, he found out. I'm kind of annoyed I had just watched a new Disney movie at the time, Zootopia, and I told him and he shut that down, but guess who decided to go to the movies and watch Zootopia the next week. He seemed to like me a bit more during 5th grade, his friend was making fun of me for wearing a Mickey sweatshirt and he said "What you have a problem with Mickey?" and laughed but that actually stopped it.
