Pushing people

Silence. Then with sudden commotion I could hear the clouds grazing and lightening piercing through the dark room. And here again greets some silence. I could make out her shuffling on the bed. Though my back was facing her, I knew she was helping herself to sit properly. Yeah! I wasn't bold enough to face her. I never was. Comfortations were something I always ran from. I was afraid of arguments. I still am. I was afraid of loosing people I loved the most. But right now I could feel nothing but underlying emptynesss. Stoic , thats what I was turned into. Then finally silence was broken by an unstoppable sob and sudden whimpering. I felt thick layer of guilt subsiding within me afterall I was the reason for all her hurt. But I always wanted her happiness. I could sense from window that it was getting dark; hence my time to leave. Taking my coat from nearby chair, I stood up. We already had exchanged a lot of unspoken words and sad tears.Now there was no point in staying. I was about to step out from door when her painful voice ringed through my ears and froze me “Ana! Beware! this loneliness can be addictive. It may eat you whole before you even realize” And finally I let light blind me . That day I lost my best friend due to my constant habit of pushing people out my life and completely shutting myself. Ah man! How much she was right about that sentence bcoz it did eat me whole. It made me go from an extremely caring and emotional girl to completely numb skeleton. It made me realize that how pathetic human being I was because pushing people out was never a solution ; It was an unfortunate consequence that I had to beare. Ana❤