A Hopeless Shame
I didn't want to accept the BPD diagnosis, but I can't refute it either. The relational dysfunction is uncanny and leaves me to wonder what hope there is for connection. I find I am often labeled 'too difficult to love' and experience painful cycles of obsessive attachment and abandonment.
I feel identified by Shame, as if it were my title, thinking myself unworthy of the skin encasing my bones.
In my search for understanding, I learned the majority of written work on BPD read much like a survival guide. Not guides for the diagnosed on surviving the diagnosis. No! They were guides for the victims on surviving the diagnosed.
I never knew I was so great a devastation, till i learned I was a thing to be survived.
I certainly didn't choose this, much like one doesn't choose their skin, yet the burden of my existence is too great to warrant compassion, and the general err of disdain feels I'm not worth the trouble of loving
@RiverReign you are not now or ever were a shame, burden of devastation. You can't help being ill, none of us can. And yes you are worthy of love, kindness and all great things. Please read leaflets perhaps given by a doctor, not the ones you been reading, cause that's a bunch of rubbish, you don't need to think about. Gives you a giant tiny hug ❤❤ squeezes you tightly ❤❤ don't give up on yourself ok? And don't give up on others either. We are all here for you ❤