Attention Seeking Behaviour

Hi everyone,

I am writing this post mostly to vent and to seek support from people who may know what I am going through. I have been in a long term relationship with my partner for a while now but it has been far from easy. Yesterday he almost broke up with me because of my tendency to push him away and seek attention from people outside of our relationship. Unfortunately it has been an ongoing cycle with me and he feels like he can't handle it anymore. I don't know what is wrong with me, I create problems in places where they do not exist that sabotage my relationship. When my boyfriend is not around as much as I would like him to be or not giving me the amount of attention I think I deserve I tend to feel almost abandoned or unloved and I create this wall that completely blocks him out and pushes him away. Then I get more depressed and feel more alone so I turn to drinking excessively and become the worst possible version of myself. I go out and dress as well as dance permisciously and flirt and seek attention from other boys. I don't know if it's because I want some sort of validation or to feel something. The worst part is I like the attention to. But then I feel regret because I love my partner so much and can't believe I put him through this. I just don't know what to do. Can anyone relate?