BPD Breakups

Does anyone else wish they could go through a “normal” melodramatic breakup just once? So, my boyfriend broke up with me last night (probably our 15th breakup). He changed plans last minute and wanted me to respect it and not talk about it, which I NEEDED to talk about it to understand why and rearrange, and then he told me he hated me because I can never just accept what he wants without having to talk about things and told me to get my stuff and go. I do and then I kept having this feeling like I was going on the drop off from a roller coaster in my stomach so I go back to his house to ask him if he’s sure he wants us to break up because I wanted to talk about plans changing and he was cold and sure. This is the first time I’ve seen him cold, normally he’s annoyed or angry. I’ve isolated myself from my friends because I felt guilty telling them about all of the ups and downs so I don’t even have friends to talk to about it now. I can’t focus on anything and I feel SICK. I wish just once I could experience a “normal” breakup.