Being content with yourself.

Hello there! I'm currently strugggling with BPD. My BPD has also led to depression and anxiety.

My anxiety is pretty dumb to be honest but for me it is very valid. I really have a huge fear of being ignored. I get super anxious when people don't reply to me. And by being anxious, it's not anxious about them hating me or anything. It's more like i'm scared that arent replying because something must've happened to them! It is so irrational yet the thought is so intrusive that I am convinced that they arent replying because something happened to them.

One more fear that I have is that i'm really scared of people leaving me. Whenever their texts are short and simple I will immediately get an anxiety attack and will intrusively think that they hate me so much when the reality is, they're just very busy.

This anxiety has developed to be much worse for me these days and telling my friends about this is useless because it's beyond their comprehension thus they think and do no more of it.

I'm very tired of this so I now avoid talking to people at all because I don't want to have anxiety attacks anymore. (also because im running out of meds). The problem is, being alone makes me feel so depressed and lonely.

I want to be content with being alone but it seems like I'm unable to do it. I have deactivated my social medias and have tried new hobbies. But my intrusive thoughts are sometimes too powerful for me to bear and I will end up going back to my old pattern.

I wanna ask, what do you guys do in order to feel content with being alone?