Being pushed away
I'm in love with a man with severe BPD. He's been my best friend for years and my feelings finally came pouring out after we fell out and then recently made up. A week ago we had an amazing night together and he said he felt the same, among many other wonderful things. After that I could feel a shift of him slowly moving away from me. Subtle at first, but now he's ignoring me and avoiding me completely. The other thing is that he has a gf that he lives with but she's been awful to him for years and it keeps getting worse. But as soon as he and I started talking again, she suddenly decided to step up her game and act more like she should have been acting before. Also, she hates me and is pissed I'm even talking to him. Ftr, despite declaring feelings, we didn't act on anything, so there's been no physical infidelity.
I know he has a hard time believing anyone could love him. He has a hard time believing anything good can happen for him. He's admitted that I scare him and my feelings scare him because he's afraid that if he leaves her for me, I'll see how "broken" he is and want to get rid of him too like every other woman before me.
But now idk if he's just pulling away out of fear, if she's forbid him from talking to me, or if he really just doesn't want me after all. I know no one can actually tell me what he's feeling but based on your own experiences, how do I proceed? Leave him alone? Keep trying to reach out? Does he need reassurance or space?
Hi @ILWMAJ1980
It sounds like you really care about this person and it must be such a difficult situation. I know this reply is a little late and maybe things have changed since then but I just wanted to say as a sufferer of BPD, personally, when I try and push someone away, I want them to keep trying to reach me to prove how much they care. The situation does seem very complicated with him having a gf but time and patience might help him to work out how he really feels. I hope this helps a little bit and things work out with you both.
Starlight.
@Starlight73 Thank you so much, I really appreciate that. The situation has changed a bit but it does give me some hope to hold out until the right time when she's stopped treating him like a shes toddler with a toy on a shelf that someone else wanted to play with. Your name also has some significance to me so I'm going to take that as a sign ... thank you <3