Broken

After years of practicing mindfulness and BPD strategies, seeing a therapist and completing the DBT course I was told I would no longer be considered as having BPD... Just some traits... I went from having weekly full blown episodes to now very mild episodes that do not last long on occasions (maybe once a month).. My partner has been with me through it all for about 7 years. All episodes I've had were triggered by my perception of his behavior towards me (things he said/did not say/lack of affection etc. that had me feeling unwanted, rejected, fear of abandonment etc.) He's had to deal with so many of my episodes in the past I am sure it's caused him trauma. It's been about 6 months since I've had a bad episode. I am able to calm myself down before I go off now... But still struggle with bouts of depression and the daily, constant ups and downs, low self esteem, destructive inner voice etc etc.. It's all internalized now, I know he is unable to understand and will never be able to show support or validation and that's when I get very hurt, when I'm invalidated so I don't share my feelings much... Anyway, last night we had an argument and I got upset and started crying and I said some things I didn't mean like "I hate you." I walked away to try calm down and when I came back he started shouting and swearing on the top of his voice "here's the start of another episode, let's go!" and things I can't remember but so loud that I panicked because we have very close neighbors and I was so worried what they would think so I begged him to stop screaming but he wouldn't, I tried pulling him towards me to try calm him down but he hit me and threw me on the floor. I saw a white flash and felt my eye, it was instantly swollen and I told him please help me because somethings wrong with my eye... He stopped shouting and came to check and things calmed down after that. He got a fright at what he did. Started hyper ventilating and saying he doesn't want to be this person etc. Anyway he's been ignoring me for the whole night and day.. I feel so alone and isolated with no one to talk to. I have no family, no friends. My mother died 6 years ago. Truly no one cares. Have I broken him? Is this all my fault?