Hello
So I was told by therapist that I had BPD, after looking at any article I could find, I realize she's right. I ended up just as topping my sessions because of reasons that make no sense to anyone else. Currently on no medications and live with a family that doesn't understand. It's hard because I feel like people dont understand how my mind works and just doesnt want me around for this. And yes I'm aware that is literally a symptom. Basically I dont know how to cope with anything and my friends are too good to have me continuously coming to them.
Merry Christmas🎄🎁❄🎅@ijustwanttodieplease I know how bad it feels when you live among those who are unable to understand you. Most of the times even medication doesn't help. Sometimes the happiness comes from within which is very difficult to find, but not impossible. It seems like it feels very hard for you and it's been challenging. You don't have to feel alone at any point of life. If you need to talk, you can talk about it freely here :)
@ExtremelyTroubled I appreciate it. I'm unsure where to go from here tho.
@ijustwanttodieplease
I hate the feelings/thoughts that consume me. Why cant there be a switch that turns this shit off? The movie Limitless makes me earn for a pill that will help me become my better self. I use to take medication but I couldnt be consistent. Its like I sabotaged myself. But I also hated that I needed medication to be normal. I feel like Im not wired right. I want to scream, cry, run, disappear, and be hugged till I feel better. Ugh.
you are not alone. I feel alone but I know others are out there like me. Im consistently looking for a chat app that I can connect with those like me... but without the pressure of actually meeting them in person. Stay strong.... please. I need others to fight with me.
@Legallyred76 its so nice seeing people are the same and feel the same. Everything you said, yes. I'm tired of having to make so much effort to just seem more normal.
@ijustwanttodieplease
Getting on medication is so so so important. You may not want to be on meds, but in order for people like us to have semi "normal" lives, it's neccessary. Whatever you're prescribed, just make sure you take it for at least a month before you decide if you want to continue it. It takes that long to kick in so don't give up if you dont feel better for a couple weeks. Try it, I promise it will change your life for the better.
Hi @ijustwanttodieplease,
I'm not on pharmaceuticals and I've been in and out of therapy, out of therapy right now but working on my own on DBT skills and IFS therapy. The commenter above me said that medication is necessary. There's no right answer here: it depends on your body and brain. For some people, it is. For others, less so. There isn't a standard medication that 'works' for BPD, and something like an SSRI or a benzo could worsen your symptoms.
For me, well, I've tried a couple of different pharmaceuticals but they didn't work for me, and I now use MMJ which does at least feel like it stabilizes and softens me. But because it also impairs me, I can't use it all the time, so I'm still essentially unmedicated for most of my day-to-day. (Let me be clear that I am *not* an anti-pharmaeceutical 'natural medicine' advocate. I'm just saying what has worked for my body and brain.)
For me, the thing that has made the biggest difference is daily practice. Meditation and mindfulness is one option. Gratitude is another. Something I'll often do is purposely induce distress when I'm alone and safe -- relive an upsetting experience, then make myself sit with the feelings that arise. I find this very helpful training to get used to strong emotions and not react so much. Your mileage may vary, but that has helped me, and it makes me feel a little more in control, whereas in interpersonal interactions, a lot of the time my emotions are in control of me.
