Help! How do I deal with irrational jealousy?
I'm ruining my marriage with my irrational jealousy...I'd be grateful for any advice from others who have overcome this.
I feel for you! When I get irrational thoughts I acknowledge that they are there, but they are irrational. Then I forgive myself for having the thought and remind myself that it's just my brain playing against my happiness. Just because you have the thought, doesn't make it true.
Something that's helped me greatly is expressing both the jealousy and the knowledge that it's irrational. The realization that it was all me helped me to stop trying to put boundaries on my partner, because that's the thing that will mess a relationship up. When I get jealous I tell her "I'm insecure, and I know it's ridiculous, and I don't want you to change your behaviour, but could you please tell me once again that you love me?"
Obviously I don't know which situations exactly trigger your jealousy, but if part of it is about your partner spending time with someone else, what may also help is use that time to do something you love and your partner doesn't (even if it's just watching a TV show that they don't want to see). I'd also like to echo what PerfectStorm said, and talking it over with someone else can really help with tampering down the jealousy from the rage-y level to the insecure level (at which point you can skip to what I mentioned above).
@Cirwenne
Excellent idea of explaining your feelings and asking for positive reinforcement. I thank you for that bit of advice to add to my journey tool kit. I hope it aids me as well!!!
@unassumingZebra1830 I told my boyfriend either he can go out with any woman or he can just leave. I know this is because of 'irrational jealousy' and I am letting it take over me but I can't help in anyway to let the situation be controlled. Sometimes I enjoy the drama too and I am not afraid of any abandonment since he knows he can't have a girl like me. I know I am doing wrong but yeah whatever.
@sympatheticPond1162
where is true love anymore? I ask because so many people give up without a fight. That is how i read your post and i mean no disrespect. I'm alone. And i would give anything to have my girl with me. And I will never give up tho i messed up and made my anxiety and depression more important than her, inadvertantly. It made me say things i did not mean. In my opinion, you can't let that stuff win. Be you, fight for what is most important. You can beat the hurt. Sometimes, ya just need a lil help... 7 cups! True love... is a blessing. Never walk away from what you know is probably the most valuable thing in life. Ability to love.
@PerfectStorm426
I try to stop myself from thinking negative but the thought of him spending even a minute with other girl makes me jealous to the core. I try to keep my mind busy with other stuff but the thought of him spending time with other girl is so painful for me that I can't do anything but dread it. Even in past because of this i have lost many people in my life. I am unable to control my emotions.
@sympatheticPond1162. I apologize. I think when you said "either he can go out with any woman or he can just leave" in your second line, i think you meant he CAN'T. That puts on a whole different context. I first thought when i read your post that you were telling him u did not care if he did go out with others and you did not care if he just left. My bad
@sympatheticPond1162 but assuming that i understand now. Jealousy is a hard thing to overcome. Especially irrational. When your brain goes into overdrive if you are by yourself it is an avalanche that just gets bigger and bigger. You are afraid of loosing him. But you can't stop loving him because of the fear which will make you loose him anyway. Endless spiral. You have been hurt by others in the past i imagine, which gives you this self protection trigger termed jealousy. My opinion. You have to focus on trusting him. Trust is a big part of a relationship. If he gives you legit reasons for u not to trust, then by all means, you are correct. But if they are harmless reasons, you need grab yourself and try to explain to yourself that he is important to you and you love him. There is a fine line there but i think if you get to feelin jealous, call a friend, call your mom, message a listener on here till you talk yourself down. Key word is talk YOURSELF down. Once you get ahold of doing that. You will be able to quell these emotions on your own. Best of luck to you!!!! You can do it!!!
