I Lost Another Friend
I'm beginning to struggle with the unstable relationship aspect of BPD. I've always struggled with this, but a few times I've been able to hold down friendships for years...but lately with school and my PTSD getting worse...it's a problem.
I cut a friend out of my life last week. He and I were friends for over a year, we talked all the time, he was my favorite person. Unfortunately I think he abused his favorite person position. He began to do things that he knew caused me anxiety and distress and despite me talking to him about it over and over again for maybe six whole months...nothing got better. Everything got worse.
I always feel so used in friendships. I feel like I put everything into it and I get little in return. I hate having to cut people out, but if I don't I will risk my mental health. I just feel so trapped and alone.
@selkieluna
Your wellbeing needs to come first. And sometimes that means, being alone for certain amounts of time. Struggling with mental issues is no easy thing and your friend shouldn't have done things he knew would be detrimental to you.
He may not necessarily be a bad person but sometimes they just don't "get it" yknow?
With 7 billion people on the planet, hopefully you'll make new and better friends soon. Until then, get into contact with other older friends or just chill it out alone for a while.
@selkieluna
I am so sorry to hear this. I know how it can hurt to cut someone out of your life, even though you know it might be the best thing for you. It's a grieving process. *hugs*
Hey, I keep having to cut people out too, it is so very exhausting and I'm often hurt that they don't seem to see why it has to be that way. I'm finding that the worst part for me is when I just quietly stop talking to someone and they don't even seem to notice and they just disappear. I know that dealing with me can be really really tiring at times but I just don't undertsand how someone who has called themself my friend can just not seem to notice that I've stopped talking and they don't seem to even care because they never ask what's up.
I've made a rule for myself, if I'm always the one starting the conversation and the one planning the 'get togethers' and then they take days to respond to me even when I can see that they are active on social media, I just stop initiating the conversation and if it makes it to a month then I hit the unfriend button quietly. Do you guys think that is harsh?
@imbatgirl78
What you have written has detailed my experience with others too. I too suffer from BPD and also find that people don't realise I've dissapered never mind care. That too is also the worst part for me. That I could pour hours into someone, care for them, genuinelly want to be a good friend to them, but it's almost never reciprocated. Or if it is, it's never long lasting.
I've found myself no longer seeking friendships even if it's online because I'm exhausted. I can't deal with the second guessing whether someone actually cares about me the way I care about them or am I being used again? This has left me with nobody for 2 years now. I've realised that lonliness and complete social isolation isn't any better, but it's the only way I can make sure I am not hurt over and over again.
Sorry if this is just a bundle of rambling. I guess I just wanted to say that I understand where you're coming from.
@pinkPlace8548
I get where you are coming from. I really wish I knew how to keep friendships alive. I always seem to be able to make new friends fairly quickly but it seems like once they get close to me they know I'm just too much crazy to deal with and not worth it.
I want to just forget trying to make friends at all but then the lonliness is just too painful to bear. I don't even know how to find some balance in there. Sometimes I joke that when I find a new friend I'm like that abominable snowman on looneytunes where he is squishing the little guy and says "I will love him and squeeze him and call him George" and he thinks he is being gentle and loving but he is squeezing George to death.
@selkieluna
i have has Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder aka Borderline Personality Disorder for over 27 years. I have no close friends, Im socially isolated and Im lonely at times but if I didnt choose this lifestyle choice I would be very unwell. The good news is most people grow out of this Disorder. I didnt but I have other disabilities.
i have no close friends also. sometimes i miss having company but i m gettin used to the situation
@selkieluna
That's how I exactly feel. People take advantage. They get what they want out of friendship and then i have to kick them out of my life because I feel they are taking advantage of me. They think h hey can I control me, my life and decisions. I can't stand someone taking over my life so I always have to bid them goodbye. I am afraid to get close to people because I know one day I will have to leave them. So I keep a lot distance from people and now I have only few people in my life. I have no close friends.
