I don’t know how to feel and I don’t know what to make of anything

I just learned about borderline personality disorder and while reading the symptoms I have almost every single one. I was looking up split personality disorder because I was worried about my boyfriend having it and want to help him but then I found this. Now I’m concerned for myself. I feel like I see now I have been awful to people in my life and the worst part is the acting on impulses. That’s how I made the choice to want to move out with my boyfriend in a few months. I thought it was just the right time but now I’m scared that I don’t know which feelings are the real ones and which choices are the right ones. I want to be with him but I’m scared it on impulse only. How do I know? I’ve also been so angry all the time and fight with him and now it might’ve all been this causing it? I haven’t been able to get a good job in a long time and i just recently wanted to change my major in college after not doing well in school for three years. I feel so scared and don’t know what to do. I will talk to a doctor but till i do i don’t know how to sit with these emotions. I feel so lost someone please give me advice.