I figured it out

I'm so stupid. All those nights laying awake wondering what was wrong with me, "there's no possible way that one thing could be causing all of these unrelated symptoms", yes there was you idiot, it was BPD. It was there in front of me the entire time, mocking me. The great disease, plaguing my every waking hour these past few years, stealing my life from me. I am not angry, I just wish I had realized it sooner instead of a week from my 19th birthday.