I just lost my favorite person

First of all: totally understandable. It's a new relationship. You're anxious and want it to work. Forget about the BPD thing right now because it'll just undermine the self esteem you need to make this work. You guys agreed to a boundary and that's all it is. And now he's having fun with his friends and not you at the very time you're feeling close because of his message to. And now this.

The thing is, his message to you was probably to assure you and make you feel better because he knew what he was about to do. So he cares; he's made that clear. That's something you can work with, aka, A Good Sign. But then there are other signs, and the fact that he went out with friends shows that he has definite needs that may fall outside the boundaries that you set.

People agree to boundaries all the time because they want to make relationships work. But sometimes they don't really check in to what their own needs are because they're not thinking about themselves, they're thinking about making someone else happy. But you can't exist in that mode 24/7. Eventually you have to think about yourself an when you do, those boundaries can sometimes look a little too prohibitive.

Anyway, I'd talk to him about what you're feeling and don't hold back. But don't make him defensive either. Hear him out and ask what he really wants. And before that, ask yourself what *you* really want. You don't want someone feeling trapped. You want a relationship where two people love each other but don't feel like they HAVE to be with each other, or HAVE to deny themselves of things they really want to do.

That's why honesty is more important than cooperation; because it has to come first. Just like individual lives have to come before relationships. Before there was a couple, there were just two individuals. And they are still individual. He doesn't share your BPD. You don't share his own issues. You're different people in the same relationship.

Anyway, talk it out. Give yourself room to legit feel bad. But talk and understand his needs and yours and be realistic before you make boundaries. Hope you feel better soon; it's normal to have anxiety in a new relationship when you're feeling insecure and want things to work out, and some of this may only be the growing pains associated with that new relationship. I wish nothing but the best for you and good luck.

It feels like your whole world is collapsing, doesn’t it? I understand that feeling very well. I thought I couldn’t live without her either. Yet here I am, walking, talking and being alive. I’ve been having trouble lately, but it’s only because I didn’t take the time to find the help I needed when I needed it. You just want to curl into a ball. Nothing is a better healer than time.