I just want to leave

I am having such a hard time lately. I know they say to be strong and keep pushing, put I don’t have it in me anymore. I never asked to be on this earth, and I still got put here, why do I have to suffer the consequences? They were the one who hurt me as a child and got me stuck with this stupid disorder. They get to keep living their lives like nothing happened while I have to fight for my life every gosh darn day… this is soo unfair. I tried to “forgive” them and move on, but I can’t. I can’t because they ask like everything is fine while I’m suffering. What did I do to get this? I was a happy, healthy child, and now I’m a miserable broken adult. I just want to leave when I think about all that, and about how it will never go away. This is my personality, my personality is a disorder, and it will always stay that way.. why do people with cancer get to die with medical assistance, to die without suffering, but I can’t. They say to keep pushing for your loved ones but if they really loved me, they would let me go in peace.