Just a few struggles.

I feel like my BPD is getting way worse. Something nice about me is that I act with my brain rather than my emotions, I’m able to control my impulses, although that really backfired when it bottles up and I’m just left with thousands of grudges from years and years back. My anger is the worst issue, I have severe anger issues. I feel like my friends don’t care about me. Every time they feel troubled, I’d do anything I can to make them feel better, anything. But when I feel troubled, everyone says they’re uncomfortable with my emotions and completely ignores me. It drives me insane, I keep getting shocks of temporary insanity from violent outbreaks due to that matter. I want to be the bigger person, I want to be mature, I don’t want to cause issues, but they make it quite hard for me. I have NPD as well, I’ve done a lot of pretty messed up stuff in the past and I want to get better. I want to become a better person, I want to be able to forgive and redeem myself by being a better person, but it’s so hard. Whenever someone triggers my RSD, it’s so easy to detach and it makes me want to just isolate myself from the world. None of my friends bother to research my condition or at least ask me about what I’m comfortable with and what I’m not.