LDR and Struggling. Should I break up?
Hi, everyone. This is my first post here and I want to thank you all for being here and supporting one another.
My head is a real mess so I'll try my best to write whats going on. I am in a new relationship LDR for 3 months now. There is a lot of love but also lack of consistency since its distance. I've seen him 2 times so far and he will visit me next month.
But, this distance thing makes me feel unstable and flares up my symptoms. The fact that he doesn't understand makes me split worse.
In the past, I've tried to hide bpd from him (he knows i have it but i wouldn't talk about it at all). But, now I cant ignore it. We took a break for a few days because I couldnt handle it but yesterday when he wanted to call, I felt suffocated and scared i'd spiral again.
I said no and then I didn't sleep all night.
Is there a way to make it work? I don't even know what I want. Because I don't remember..
I know he loves me and I love him..
@honestLand6397 Hi! LDR can be difficult for anyone so you struggling with it is completely understandable. From what you have written, I feel that you want to make this work but just aren't sure what you could do.
You said you don't talk about BPD at all but it's a major part of your life. Not having a partner know stuff like this can feel isolating at some point, which can create some tension between you, although not necessarily. Talking to him about how things are for you and what he could expect might be helpful.
Now, about the distance thing affecting your symptoms. You could potentially talk about what is helpful (like reassurance) and establish boundaries for both of you when things happen. There is no clear answer of how to make it work, it's more about you both finding and negotiating ways that work for both of you. As an example, some like to make sure to call at least once a day unless they can't for some reason.
Sometimes things will be confusing and it might be difficult to tell what you really want. Do feel free to reach out to a listener or anyone you know so you could talk about it, really helps clear your head.
Wishing you good luck and a great day ahead! :)
@sereneButton43 Thank you so much for writing it back to me. I appreciate it! You gave me some beautiful things to think about.
@honestLand6397 glad to :)
You sound exactly like me when I was in your position 10 years ago. I know you love him, but if this relationship is putting too much of a toll on you, like it sounds, you need to figure out what you want. I ended up leaving him because I was causing him too much pain. We
