Maybe she never loved me?
Hi I'm new here, I thought I would share abit about what I've been going through in the hope of some guidance.
My ex is not diagnosed with BPD but when she gets like this (3Rd time in 3 years) her behaviour is exactly the same each time. This time is the longest lasting and I've now been kicked out of the house and am unable to provide any support at all to her or our children which is what I want dearly.
She tells me she doesn't love me, never loved me, wants more than what we have. When our relationship is otherwise fine. She won't except my requests to reconcile or try to find a solution and demands she is fine.
I'm awear that this may not the only reason for our relationship breakdown and her feelings are genuine to her. I am unable to communicate affectively with her and now that I've been removed it's near impossible to provide support of any kind.
Can anyone shed some light on ways the might help me get through to her please? Do I just need to let it run its course and hold onto hope or let it go all together.
Hi,
I cant offer advice, but I am in a similar situation. My partner was diagnosed with BPD about 4 years ago, a year after we first got into a relationship. I made a decision to stick by him and support him through everything which I feel most people would/should do, but its now becoming unbarebale and im at a loss of what to do myself. We have a son together, who is now almost two.
When he was first diagnosed, he was in out and out of mental heath units at the hospital and tried to commit suicide several times. The Police has to be involved and it was a very messy time in our lives. My partner finally listened to me and sought out help and finally got some therapy which lastest the best part of 6-8 months and was heaps better at the time. Since then, he has had lapses and has gone backwards but we have always managed to get through whatever it is.
He has done some unforgiveable things, but I have always done my best to forgive because of all the issues surrounding us. Allbeit very difficult sometimes. Having BPD causes their emotions and actions to be very erractic, unpredicatble and can lead them to say some very hurtful things which more often than not have very little or no meaning; its just a release for them at the time.
I think the best thing for you, is to try to arrange a time where you can both sit down, without your children and let her explain why she is feeling the way she is. You will probably need to take a lot of it on the chin, because she will probably say things you dont like or want to hear. Some of it may have truth, some of it may make no sense to you, but it makes sense to her and at this moment in time its the most important thing. Instead of suggesting that she needs help, why dont you suggest that you get some help together?? So she doesnt feel like the blame is on her. If you love her, you need to continue to support her, no matter what.
If she is adament that its over, just make sure that she knows that it will never get rid of you. You will always need to have some relationship with each other for the sake of your children. Let her know that you will always be there to support her, whether she needs/wants it or not. You have a commitment to her because of your children.
I really hope that your situation improves, because I know its a horrible place to be in. Unfortuantely, there are no right answers here and there for no right solutions. You will have to let it run its course, but courses can always be altered (thats the most important thing to remember).
All the best,
Z
