Messing up a new relationship, again

I have struggled with this for as long as I can remember, both in romantic relationships, and friendships (before I became a recluse). I have gradually been able to moderate my level of affection/interest in a new person I'm starting to see, but I can not been able to controll the anxiety over whether or not they are into me, or slipping away.

I can't, and never have been able to really understand social cues or have social situational awart. I have to rely on analyzing facial cues and word choice. Texting is a nightmare, especially interpreting weather a pause or a delay and communication is purposeful or due to outside factors.

I always end up erring on the side of caution and asking if the other person is ok, or if I'm bothering then. I just can't tell.

I've been seeing someone and it was going pretty well, I thought, but the texting is sporadic at times, and my anxiety level spikes every time. As much as I know it's irrational, there's nothing I can do about it. it always makes me think, what would the other person think if they could see what I'm going through. They probably think I was crazy and definitely stopped talking to me.

I don't know how to moderate these swings in Emotion, I don't have a therapist and it looks like I won't be able to get one for a while. I don't have medication, or anything else to bring me down when I'm in one of these full-blown panic attacks. I don't really have any friends to talk to either. It's just me on my own.