New With Possible BPD
Hi everyone, Im new here and 3 months ago my new GP told me she suspects I have BPD.
After lots of research im inclined to agree. Ive had MH issues for as long as I can remember, and although id been on an SSRI for 8 years (which made life just about manageable), I've never felt like the general diagnosis of anxiety/depression ever really fit.
Initially I was straight switched from citalopram 20mg to mirtazapine, but I had quite an adverse reaction and actually ended up becoming suicidal and having a bit of a crisis. Im a little concerned that my reaction had more to do with citalopram withdrawal than the new medication, but GP said that wouldnt be the case. Im now being prescribed an SNRI and although the physical side effects are horrendous my MH has never been so good, although not exactly perfect.
After years of struggling I want to do everything I can to get well, but Im pretty fuzzy on what the NHS can actually do for me. Although my new GP initially said she has 15 years of experience treating patients with BPD, since she first mentioned the possible diagnosis things seems to have stalled. She made a request for information about local services (which seemed odd for a local BPD specialist) but at my next appointment she referred to my problems as ‘depression, and when I asked about her enquiry she said shed have to chase it. Now my appointment today has been cancelled due to GP illness, and with the waiting times itll be another 4-7 weeks before I can book in with this new (and very popular) GP.
Does anyone know anything about how I can access services like DBT in my local area? Can I only do it through my GP? What is the normal procedure for things like this? I havent exactly been given a formal diagnosis, and since being told about BPD there seems to have been some backtracking. I dont have high expectations from the NHS after 15 years of struggling to get any kind of support at all for MH, and most of my research suggests ill have even more trouble without an official diagnosis and with the scarcity of services available.
Im feeling a little lost so I hope someone can share some advice about what I can do next?
Hi there @aberrans ! A warm welcome here to you. I am really happy that you have found this community and joined it. I hope we will be able to make you feel heard and supported.
I honestly have no idea on how the NHS works as I do not live in the UK. I cannot offer any tips there, sorry... The only thing I can say, is that if I were at your place, I would try to consult with a psychiatrist or therapist in order to have a proper diagnosis. And then move from there.
I was also on Escitalopram for a little while and it didnt seem to work at all. I got an SNRI which did make things better, but when the dosage was increased I experienced very bad side-effects and got suicidal. I was then diagnosed with BPD and I started to take a mood-stabiliser, which is indeed the meds that works the best for me. Personally, I think that a combination of both meds and therapy is what works better for BPD.
There are no DBT groups here where I live, but I have bought myself some DBT flashcards and I have joined a DIY DBT group online as well. Perhaps you could give this a try too, whilst you are waiting to join a local group.
I hope this helps a little bit…
@admaiorasemper Thank you for your reply, it's great to hear from someone who can relate, and I really appreciate your advice and support.
I'm quite shy and nervous, and incredibly private, so I struggle to share what i'm going through or engage with local services. I try my best to be brave and ask for the help I need, but i'm having little success. I'm saving up for a private diagnosis as i'm struggling to get this through the NHS. Things are pretty bad in the UK right now after 10 years of austerity and it's only going to get harder to access basic medical help, let alone mental health support which is pretty nonexistent already.
Thankfully i'm more comfortable online anyway, and i'm working my way through various DBT workbooks, but it's all so overwhelming. If you could share any resources that have helped you, or other places online for support, i'd be really grateful :)
Hi there @aberrans,
I will make a list of resources for you in the next few days, I am not sure exactly when but I will get back to you! Feel free to tag me again in a week time if I haven't yet :)
Are there any specific topics you may be interested in? I have a few books for instance, some are on BPD, some are on trauma or self-therapy. Would they interest you?
@admaiorasemper
Hi im new here and im not sure how any of this works however ive been going thru a episode. And im not sure if i accidentally gave myself a split personality or if im just bipolar. In highschool i had this very very abusive bf. Whod torment me physically mentally and emotionally however i was obsessed and i loved him. One day he told me he didnt like the way i was(i was too sweet and shy and let him get away with ALOT) so i decided to switch my personality just for him. a fake alter which is kinda like a tough bitch loud fun tomboy (which is what i felt i was on the inside but felt too restricted to let that side out.) i was fine at first it just felt uncomfortable to ease my way into that persona but over time it got weird. Now i really do act like my alter but i cant go back to the way i was however it can be TRIGGERED back. But only if someone mentions my ex in a serious conversation with me. When they do itll sound like im hypnotized. Ill speak on how wonderful and crazy and cute he was however while im saying it i feel chained in a way and im watching myself speak words that i don't feel are my emotions but seem to be the emotions of how i used to be. The me i locked away because he wanted more. Maybe im delusional i just wanna hear your take on it?
@helpfulDrum743
Hello there,
From what youve mentioned it seems as though BPD would cause you to make yourself act differently to please someone even if theyve been horrible to you. Moreover, BPD is a diagnosis that typically has comorbid symptoms meaning that youll have symptoms that are shared with other potential disorders. For instance, BPD is likely to cause depression due to the nature of what it is, however it can coexist with PTSD due to any trauma suffered in your childhood or in your relationships. This trauma can also lead to dissociative symptoms as well as depersonalization- are what you seem to be describing. Splitting or black and white thinking is also very common for BPD so you should look that up to follow up with your feelings and opinions on the person you are dating/have been dating
Hi there @helpfulDrum743, welcome here and thank you for reaching out. Apologies for this late reply <3
I am sorry for everything you went through... You have suffered some traumatic experiences and this may have impacted your mental health. The only way to get a proper diagnosis is to talk to a therapist or doctor. I think it is a good thing to interact with people here, just as you are doing already, and see how you relate to their experience and symptoms. You will then be able to share your reflections on this with your doctor or therapist. Would therapy be something you may consider?
@aberrans
Here I am with a couple of suggestions.
A book on BPD: I hate you. Don't leave me.
A video (I loved it): Back from the edge. https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=borderline+personality+disorder+back+from+the+edge
I have joined a couple of groups/pages on facebook too, but I am not sure I can say what they are? @Tazzie
Are you interested in self-therapy resources too? If so, I am currently working with an IFS self-therapy workbook:
