New and desperate (TW)

It sounds like a really difficult time for you. I dont really have any advice for you because I would just recommend doing what you said you dont want to do and I want to respect your wants. Though I will say trauma and BPD are hard to manage without the proper support. I will also say sometimes the professionals that are supposed to help can make things worse if they dont understand. I went through a period of time where my paranoia got really bad and I had no control over my behavior and it was incredibly scary and the mental health system just made it worse because they werent understanding that I didnt understand what was happening. The mental health team I have and my medications Im on now have me more stable than I have ever been but it took years to get the meds right. My therapist I have now focuses on trauma and validates my experiences and Im in DBT. Its been helpful for me.

I hope youre able to find what works for you and you can start to feel a little more in control again

@Mamajoey84

@Mamajoey84

I am in therapy and doing this childhood stuff and it is horrible so I quite understand why you don't want to do it. However I could not have resolved my distress about how I had treated my husband in the last few years of his life and at his death if I had not gone. It was that heartbreak that goaded me on.

I hope that your distress about your daughter will make you realise that these things go on unless we put a stop to them, they do go down the generations. The only people that can change things are the people that realise what is happening, as you do. If you flounder around feeling sorry for yourself, you will not be the best help you can be to your daughter. I am sorry to talk so bluntly. And I am very sympathetic, in my family there are so many emotionally neglected people, that our grandchildren are really suffering as they have no parents or grandparents who are emotionally available. It sucks and I am determined to see what I can do to put this right. I may fail but I will feel far better trying and failing than not trying. And I never want to run out on people emotionally as I did do with my husband whom I loved so dearly. I have lots more I could share with you but you probably wouldn't read it as I have been so direct! 💓

@Mamajoey84

I meant to say that I believe that it is only in healing that childhood trauma can the mechanism of this pernicious problem be solved, Yoga, meditation etc only goes so far and if you dissociate there are problems with all that stuff. DBT CBT and the like are successful in getting some behaviours under control and the relationship with the therapist is crucially important too. EMDR can also help. EMDR in the treatment of dissociative disorders | PODS If you dissociate this is important https://maibergerinstitute.com/working-with-complex-ptsd-dissociation-and-emdr-therapy/ Schema therapy Schema Therapy for Emotional Dysregulation: Theoretical Implication and Clinical Applications Have a look at this website too. https://www.isst-d.org/?contentID=76

But all these require getting a therapist suitable for you with trauma knowledge and experience becuase the well spring is in the childhood emotional stuff as you so rightfully say. Trauma focused yoga (trauma informed yoga, trauma sensitive yoga) is good, somatic experincing https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-intelligent-divorce/201503/somatic-experiencing and the like, all these body work things with a trauma focus. That is the key it is the trauma focus . Have you read Van de Kolks book, the Body Keeps the Score?

I am also doing a course of trauma focused yoga at the moment. It is great, quite different to normal yoga.