Not doing well
I can't begin to say how awful the past few months have been. Ever since I started my job, I have been worse. I LOVE the job itself because I help people daily. The real part of the job I don't like are the coworkers. They haven't said anything to my face, but I've heard from others gossip going around about me. This makes it especially hard for me because I don't feel comfortable at work. I feel like every is so self-defined, and, me? Well, I don't have an identity that I can put a finger on. It changes daily, even my choices and moods. I have been trying to fit in, and without realizing, mirror who I'm with. Then I feel shitty for saying stuff that I don't even agree with. How do I feel? How do I feel? Like a specimen under the microscope at the mercy of the other's opinions. I think I feel inferior to my coworkers. I have a difficult time joining the conversation, get stressed, forget easily, and talk too fast sometimes. I hate being around other people. I'd rather be around my family and friends I'm comfortable with. I don't know what to do. My mental health has been awful since I started working there around six months ago. Now I feel burndened because I'm thinking of quitting and I feel anxious about turning a notice in.
@SkyWriter97Gosspiping coworkers can make for a very uncomfortable environment. It makes us feel bad about our vulnerabilities too. I notice that you seem very reflective. It's nice because it is helpful to get better at things and gain a deeper understanding but at the same time, I hope you will find the space to be kind to yourself and any mistakes you make. What you described about not fitting in is something a lot of people face. Yeah, saying stuff you do not agree with doesn't feel right. It makes us feel guilty because we feel it's entirely voluntary. Sometimes this is not so- social influences are hard to ignore. I see it as a skill- being able to assert an opinion that is drastically different from the ones around you. It takes time but can be slowly built upon. So are few other things you have mentioned. You sound stuck and it is natural for us to feel so when we think we cannot control many aspects of our situation. When stuck, it's helpful to find space for self-care and then work on things you can influence, little by little. I hope you take care of yourself and make a decision that feels right to you. Good luck!! 😊
Thank you. You don’t know how much it helps to read your response. I am going to try to focus on self care and stop being so hard on myself. I’m a work in progress than you for listening to me vent. I appreciate your words ❤️
