Social Media, Identities and BPD

I find for myself personally, I feel alienated all the time on social media by my friends, family.. There's been multiple occasions where I'd reach out and attempt to combat my anxiety and try to connect with my family and friends and get rejected, only to see them posting on Facebook how much fun they're having without me (with other family members/mutual friends..). Despite that, I still cling to it desperately since without scrolling Facebook daily I'd feel like I have nobody aside from my boyfriend. I mean, he's everything I need, but sometimes I just need more.

I've finally deleted people I don't really care to see updates from though, and I found that has helped me feel less terrible about myself and my life. I still can't help but scroll, but at least I don't see any annoying posts or those ho make me question myself or make me feel any less than I should.

Lately I find that even being here is triggering for me in the same respect. I've been really unwell and distant for a while, and I find I'm no longer welcomed the way I used to be and I no longer fit into the conversation. I'm not messaged by people anymore, I'm not included in celebrating peoples birthday's or included in surprises for people anymore. I don't feel as loved and as welcome as I once have, now I just sort of feel like a burden. I just feel so shut out to the point where I'm not sure I feel I want to try and claw my way back in again.

Ironically, I feel a little better after reading that and knowing I'm not the only one who feels this way and that these feelings are justified by my disorder. It still hurts so bad, and I will try to find steps to deal with it now that I know that it's not just the way that I am.

Thank you for posting this :)

@ItsLee

Thank you for bringing another important topic to the table. Struggling with a definitive sense of self is a very real aspect of BPD. I have described this to others who have a difficult time understanding this through a routine I use that involves simply looking in the mirror to solidify that I exist. I think a lot of people get wrapped up in the details of personality traits (Preferred music, style choices, occupation, etc) which do often change continuously for people living with BPD, but I think it is important to remember that identity issues can also include the sensation of existence (or not) in and of itself.

That said, technology can be desensitizing so it would make sense that someone might experience negative self-talk during an online experience. I know it took a lot of soul searching to figure out who I am, and it turns out that I'm a pretty easy person to love.

In terms of my relationship to social media, I believe my identity disturbances translate as I continuously change my profile picture and other profile features based on how I'm feeling, or how I might want to convey myself. I think there is a large investment there, and taking a day off is a wise choice.

Thank you for bringing up this topic. I hadn't given it much thought before, but it was really interesting to read some opinions on.

My identity is something I still struggle heavily with, and I've noticed that my interests and goals are very easily influenced by my timelines, so to speak. It was hard enough feeling my aspirations changed based on who I hung around with, but with the surge of social media, suddenly you have all different types of people in one place. You see one post and think "wow I'd love to be like that" but then the next is so opposite but you feel the same attraction. With myself, I've noticed that I'm attracted to people who seem concrete in who they are and I'm able to recognize that I don't necessarily want their lifestyle, but rather the stability they seem to have.

It helps me to remind myself of all the things I don't show on social media and that, for the most part, people do only show the best parts, the parts they want to be seen and you're not getting the entire picture, even with 1,000 pictures to browse.

A break from social media is never a bad thing. It can be really addicting and harmful.

Thanks again for the great post.

For me, Tumblr is my main social media platform. I've been on it since I was 15 (about 3 years now what the heck) and it's been a great help to me in some aspects. I've made amazing friends, found inspiration for art, found a great bpd community, and even discovered that I was transgender through talking with many people from the LGBT+ community there.

However, I also find that it warps my identity quite a bit. I'll see a very popular blogger, who's thin, conventionally attractive, with expensive clothes and cute dyed hair and does amazing art and it becomes damaging to my self esteem. I become jealous and self-loathing and find myself stealing bits and pieces of their identity in an attempt to form my own. This is very detrimental to me, and it's taken me a while to realize that everyone's life is not as perfect as it seems on their blog. This fact first hit me when I began blogging about my experiences with mental illness. Many people showed me support, and told me that they've been there as well. It really makes you realize that no one's life is perfect by any means, and that you can't live the seemingly perfect life someone else has, you have to live yours.

This is a great topic you brought I wasn't sure what exactly BPD was but I have done so many stupid things on social media no one really used to pay attention to me or my OWN profile I say own because I used to have so many fake profiles and thinking about it now that actually made me more sad okay the fake were popular but even tho it was me it actually wasn't me in the pictures and now I know it wasn't healthily for me either because living they lifestyle online I had to be on it 24/7 as I enjoyed it but what I dint know then was that it was physically and mentally destroying me

@Lee For me, social media is a way both to explore my thoughts and ideas and to gain a following and admiration. I think identity issues are common in both NPD and BPD, but for different reasons. The people I know in real life who are diagnosed with BPD tend to form their identity based on those around them. They want to be liked and to fit in. They also don't have a steady sense of self...it changes a lot, so if they spend a lot of time with someone, they almost morph into a copy of that person. The people with BPD I know also tend to see their lack of a steady identity as an issue, like they're constantly asking themselves "Who am I?"

With NPD, I think we mostly choose an identity as opposed to shifting identities constantly. We pick our identity based on what we think will make others envy or admire us. We also like to stand out...in a good way, of course. Social media for us doesn't necessarily cause us to question our identities or shift them frequently, but we can use social media to help convey the image of us that we want to convey in order to get a large following of "admirereres". It's sort of like I use social media to advertise myself in a positive light.

Still such a beautiful post!

i can somehow relate to this. i'm like: "hey, they have a life, and look at you. you don't".
my identity crisis is manifesting this way: when i see someone's life, i become like that person and "start living their life". identity crisis makes me very sugestibile and whatever someone does, i start doing that too, thinking the way they think, have opinions on things like they have... it's very f up. i can't escape it.

currently i somehow feel better because i'll probably start going to some psychologist beside my psychiatrist and maybe the psychologist can help me to solve this thing. and psychiatrist is there for my deeper problems, not for something like this. it really affects my life in a bad way. i'm trying so hard, but sometimes it's impossible to control myself. now i'm not myself either, i feel like one of my friends, but i need to realize that it's only a subjective feeling and that it's only, like dbt says - a feeling.

feeling doesn't equal truth.