So scared...

Hi, I am new...new to all of this blogging and what not...also to BPD...or so I thought. My whole life...well since 15...i have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Even on a confidential anonymous website i am embarrassed to state some of my own my actions i took part in when I was in what i considered "that state of mind". Early it started with the bulimia...needed to stay thin. The compulsive tanning bed. That was the beginning...along with bleaching my dark brown hair. My parents were coming into new wealth so I had no reins....which; as I look back was, a major issue. I have always had a "different" personality. I bring the meaning to the phrase "love and hate" to an academia level. I really need some advice on how to get my husband to be more understanding of my disorder without using it as a crutch or excuse to do wrong