The great hypocrite game...

I hear you.

Yes! Absolutely. I am often so disturbed by my own pathology that I often internalize my maladaptive state. I am actually surrounded by nothing but support. However, in my experience, I find there is a certain aura of helplessness when the truth pours out. Because I don't like imposing this feeling on my family, my husband especially, I often bite my tongue and feel isolated as a result. It is a vicious cycle. I am so sorry you feel misunderstood. ♡ Thank you for posting.

Wow! Spot on! I feel like I'mdriving myself crazy by going around in circles in my head! People don't understand when I get paranoid about what they think of me etc. It's so hard to let this emotion out so wearing 'a mask' helps in the short-term but doesn't help inside as the feeling build up and eat at you constantly. Thank you so much for sharing this as you've shown me that I'm not the only person who has trouble with this. I wish you the very best for the future and hope everything can be sorted out xx

I call it a game of charades because you have act as something else and not what you want to be. Personally I feel like I could never be myself in front of anyone because I am so ashamed of myself.

Everything feelslikea game when you pretend or force yourself to be someone else. I can relate to that because I keep pretending to be someone that I am not. I keeppretending to be something else, a puppet, a robot, a machine for theprocessing of desires. It really bothers me if someone doesn't like me, but at the same time, I'm angry at myself for being a fake person like this.

If you're asking me what I fear the most is being abandoned and being judged by people. I'm reallysensitivewith words and I don't know what's going on with me. Good responds from others can make me really extremely happy and when people get mad or giving me bad responds, it makes me feel like it's all because of me, I'm not being good enough and I take all the blame hahah.

I really miss the old me when I could do anythingwithout thinkingabout others might think about me. The 'ME' right now is trying harderto make peoplelove me so I won't be abandoned. I thought being happy-go-lucky, being the joker, being thecentreof attentionmight help me to feel better but it only makes me hate myself even more, I don't feel like everyone knows the real me, and it makes me feelincredibly lonely. I don't know what I want and who I am anymore. I really want to change myself really badly. But it's hard to do thatbecause 'the image' that people GET right now. It's hard to change that image even though I want to.It feels like I'm trapped into a deep hole, and I couldn't get out from there.Hahah.

It feels like I'm in theendless gamewithout any reset button and there's no turning back from everything that I really want to restart and start all over. Hahah

My father's number 1 rule is: do as I say don't do as I do. That is the biggest line of hypocritical bull shit I've ever been told..

@funnyStrawberries5996

I myself do not have bpd but I see my partner suffer with this very thing.

He can't be himself or even reach out for help because the family he grew up in is malicious. He holds onto them out of love for them but they don't love him. It's a toxic family dynamic.

I always try to be supportive. I do my best but it's not what he wants. I wish his family was better to him. Truly better. Not the fake for society bs.

_{[Edited by @QuietMagic 11/20/21 to remove stigmatizing content]}