Therapist problem

HG,

I think i have BPD. I know self diagnosis are bad but i almost have every symptom and it would make so much more sense bc my life is literally so freaking exhausting.. I genuinely relate to everything. I dissociate a lot and always feel like i'm not real or not really alive, i self harm, i'm depressed and very anxious all the time, i have no identity and genuinely don't know who i am, i feel way too much, prolly a 100% more than normal ppl and get attached to really meaningless and pointless things that no one cares about, my love life is a roller-coaster and i idealize ppl constantly, i'm very degrading towards myself.

For a little background, I've been depressed since i was 13 and i'm 17 now, been bullied really badly in middle school so i'm extremely socially anxious and paranoid now that ppl are making fun of me, have little to no relationship with my dad because he's mentally and used to be really really physically abusive with me, been self harming since i was 15 and i genuinely have no idea who the hell i really am. All i do is copy personality from other ppl and i'm pretty sure i must have over 10 different versions of myself in my head. I was never sexually assaulted or at least not that i can think of it.

I'd love to confirm that i have it but i cannot afford a therapist and my parents wouldn't let me see one bc they don't believe in mental illnesses. I really need help. If you got professionally diagnosed and sorta got the same bg pls tell me