Think I might hve BDP
I fit with the crieria, intense unstable relationships, extreme reactions to feeling abandonded, not knowing who i am, long lasting feelings of emptyness, difficulty controlling temper etc. It was even suggested to me by a friend who i hurt/
I offered her a queer plutoic relationship ehich of course she rejected after 6yrs of loving me but of course i felt ectreemly abandoned and angry. So angry and the stuff i say when im angry, 'I'd take pleasure in seeing you cry', 'hope you scream my name when you cry', i could go on. I posted about it on my vent which she read by accident so of course she has no more trust in my now and will probably never love me again (i warned her). I feel horrible but also feel empty like my actios dont have consequences. Shes the only friend i have left sp i stuffed that up. Im happy lockdow means i dont have to leave the house but she wants to meet up after over coffee and slowly build up trust. but also i feel like i could urvuve without her but of course i couldnt. im low key fixated on wanting to get ito uni so i can make new friends and completly chnage my aesthetic and personality to fit in and then cut her off so i dont eber have to confront myself and my actions. I want to dissapear. IDK if anyone has any advice pls send it my way
*edited by forum mentor @rebecca947 to edit words*
@RottenDemon
Hey there
It sounds like a very frustrating and difficult situation. I understand your feeling of wanting to get away and to not be comfronted with your actions. This article has some very interesting tips and information for people who suffer from BPD: https://www.helpguide.org/articles/mental-disorders/borderline-personality-disorder.htm
We can not diagnose you here ofcourse, but if you feel like being diagnosed would help you in getting the best help and support needed you can go see a doctor or a psychiatrist. You are very strong for coming here and sharing this with us.
I wish you the best and take care!
@RottenDemon
You are very strong for sharing that, and for going through that in the first place. Experiencing something like that can be difficult indeed, and it is a great thing to find a community that would support you and understand you, perhaps not entirely, but enough to make you feel less alone in this.❤️
Perhaps changing the environment you're in and going to Uni would be healthy in some ways because it would bring new opportunities for you to grow as a person and that is amazing. Such change can maybe bring some conflicting feelings like wanting to change the identity in some ways like you mentioned (which often could be associated with BPD), but that is okay too, as long as you focus on you and on getting better. It can be extremely difficult to change some patterns but CBT has shown to be very helpful for many people with BPD and I strongly encourage you to look into it as well if you are able to, or perhaps to talk to someone, even if it's just a listener on 7 Cups who will support you❤️
