Vent and advice for borderline pd partner

I have a bpd life partner and I am very very worn out.

I love them (prounoun) so much, but I'm really at a loss for what to do anymore and I know they can sense that too and have given up so completely it's hard to even get them to do anything other than sleep or fight with me.

I've tried a lot at this point. I've encouraged them to seek medication, and taken them to therapy but they just won't stay committed to anything. And as far as medications go, there have been a LOT of medications. Pretty much everything has been tried other than antipsychotics because they absolutely refuse to get on them.

Some of the medications we've tried have worked for a while! But they have an intense medication sensitivity and eventually the side effects become too much to bear.

It doesn't really help that they have more than just bpd. They also have ocd, cronic depression, childhood ptsd, anxiety disorder and the self esteem of a dumpster fire.

There was a pretty bad breakdown about three months ago. I'm not even sure what started it anymore, but i know i had suggested they be admitted to a facility which only seemed to set them off like a bomb. They tore themselves apart with thier teeth, punched themselves. Trying to stop them made it worse. the house was torn apart, things were broken, and I had to leave for the night.

Coming back home was hard because I have some avoidance issues and I am not at all an aggressive person. We talked a long time but in the end they said they were through with taking pills that didn't work and they don't believe in therapy and that they would never agree to be hospitalized and 'treated like a psycho lab rat'

The breakdowns are very frequent now. They almost always end up biting or punching themselves (or me if I try to stop them) and breaking something. The things that seem to trigger it the worst is when they perceive themselves as a failure at anything. It can be something as little as getting a measurement wrong while cutting some wood (they like to build things. We are trying to work on restoring a dresser right now) or not being able to get the blinds on the window to sit right.

Pain is a trigger too. Because they are about 200lbs and never get any exercise from lack of willpower they have a bad back. We went to a physical therapist who was really nice and readjusted them and gave them simple stretches to get things back in alignment, but when we got back home the adjustment caused a pain flair up because of the tendons stretching in ways they haven't in a while. They freaked out, and no matter what I tried to do (that the doctor told us to do if the pain flavored up) they wouldn't even listen. They tried to swallow a whole bottle of painkillers and were vicious when I stopped them.

I really want to help them. I really do. When they scream they hate me, I hardly feel anything anymore. When they get even slightly frustrated I panic quietly and try to calm them but I can't anymore. I've been with them for 8 years and these last two years have been so bad. I just want my love back. I want them back. And I want them to feel good things again