What do I say to my boyfriend?
I've known my boyfriend for a year, but only recently found out i have BPD. I've learned to deal with my emotions better even before that, though. But when it's not so great, it's really bad. And before my bf was my bf, it was easier to keep an emotional distance and just be insane by myself, but we tell each other everything and I've been in a rough patch lately but i don't know what to say to him. I freak out so much and cry so much and I know it sucks for him, so just with that alone I feel like if I actually try to talk to him about it, it'll be too much. I'll be too much. For example the other day it got to the point of wanting to self harm again, but i didn't tell him that because what is he supposed to do with that information? I scare off literally everyone I get close to, and he's too good to let that happen with and its stressing me out. Does anyone have any advice?
@gomoanforman i have been in similar situation though i don't have BPD(that i know of), i would say that you try to find therapist or medical help if you haven't, and try to tell more trusted loved ones about this if you can, they will be your help along the way. don't hurt yourself too bad or be too guilty as guilt can be overwhelming and can lead to serious bad decision, try to eat and sleep and talk to people when you feel lonely, take good care of yourself. you are already on the right track by asking for help, you can do this!
@Joa1230 thank you. I've been looking for a therapist, but i live in a small town and none around me have experience with bpd and it makes it seem pointless.. but I agree that I need to do it. It's just so overwhelming, I dunno. Thanks again
@gomoanforman That's a big, big thing to take in, and I don't blame you for being scared and hesitant. You don't have to do anything right this second. Process. Breathe.
Eventually, when you're ready, you're going to have to tell him, and the more you share, the more you are trusting and honoring him. It's taken me forty years to get to the point where I accept (mostly) that the people who love me want me to share my burdens - not so they can fix things, but so they can help carry. Maybe he can't fix it for you - but he can help you take care of yourself, and in a loving relationship, that is a great gift. That's what he can do with that information. By sharing it with him you are expressing love and respect and trust. And if he has a hard time dealing with it, you can be there for him, but it's not your fault. You are what you are, as are we all.
Being concerned about his reaction is reasonable, and a good reason to take it slow and cautiously. But hiding things about yourself is not the way to build a relationship, and more importantly, if your boyfriend cares for you, it is not being respectful of his care. That's another thing it took me a long, long time to learn. You want to shield people, to keep them from burdens they can't repair - but in another way, that's saying you don't think they can handle it. That their love is weak and cannot be trusted to bear the load. I know that's not what you mean, but it can be how people feel when they find things have been kept from them. Don't do that to him, or to yourself. Be the best you you can be, and let him help you (and of course help him right back!)
Good luck, and check back with us and let us know how things go.
M
@MarcHT Thank you so, so much. I told him, I even told him about this post and he agreed with you 100% which was great, and unexpected actually. He's very understanding but I was still half expecting it to go terribly. The only thing now is getting used to being that open I suppose. It just really sucks because having bpd just makes all my issues feel like burdens and I don't want other people to have to deal with it. You know? I don't know how to help that part. Thanks again, you're very kind.
@gomoanforman
My heart goes out to you. Relationships are probably the number one part of life that BPD affects, mostly because it manifests within our connections to others. BPD sufferers are often referred to as "emotional burn victims". It sounds like a lot of what you're describing here is very similar and overwhelming.
How is your communication with your boyfriend? Are you able to provide him with some support during this time? Is he accepting of your struggles?
I know for me my husband was in denial until we found the language to better communicate and now he is my greatest advocate. Sometimes people can surprise you.
Best wishes. 
@blitheSun94 thank you so much. I honestly don't know how he feels about it, in general. We haven't discussed it a whole lot. I think mostly he just takes it as me being very sensitive. That sounds bad but I like to think our communication is good. This is the only relationship I've ever been in where I want to be emotionally close to someone. It's sooooo hard though. But for the most part he is so supportive and understanding. I actually don't think I've ever met someone so empathetic. I try to express how grateful I am, and I think he knows I am. But I still feel so guilty when I have episodes. Granted, they're not near as bad as they have been in previous "relationships" but, yeah. I don't know. I'm rambling I'm sorry if I don't make sense. Thanks again for your response.
