bpd?

hi first of all, i am by no means trying to self diagnose or using this site to diagnose myself. im just feeling very scattered and have reason to believe i may suffer from bpd and would like input from others who suffer from it.

i am currently diagnosed with chronic depression and social anxiety disorder but i think that i have a bigger issue. i experience the intense mood shifts and numbness and i have a very poor self image and sense of self. i also am/have been suicidal and struggle with self harm. i get overly attached in almost every friendship and relationship ive had to the point where small things they don't even realize they are doing will send me into a spiraling breakdown. however the part where i doubt the fact that i may possibly have bpd is that these issues in relationships seem to be completely unnoticed by the other person. my relationships on MY side are severely effected by my thoughts and cause me either so much pain or so much joy with no inbetween but the other person is completely unaware that this is happening. i internalize all of the despair and anger to the point where the relationship remains "stable" in the sense that the other person thinks we have a great stable friendship ,but unstable on my side because i am constantly in severe emotional pain worrying that the other person is annoyed by me, hating me and will ultimately never want to talk to me again. i have trouble even expressing my opinions around anyone im close to because i am scared they will hate me and leave. this happens with most of my relationships i have. the closer we are, the more pain i will experience.

im very nervous to bring up the idea of possibly having bpd to a therapist so if someone could tell me if this is remotely like the disorder at all so i dont feel dumb bringing it up.