bpd & fp crisis?

sorry in advance. hi. im new; i made this account because it is late and i felt lonely and my fp (who also has bpd) keeps leaving me on read and i can’t tell if i’m tired of him or have just happened to be splitting on him for months now. i’m starting to think that i haven’t been splitting, though. i’m pretty sure i keep using it as an excuse to myself bc i don’t want to admit that i don’t feel as happy with him as i used to. i don’t know how to tell which is which — i don’t trust my own feelings — but i’m tired of feeling this way about him. insecure about every convo. but i don’t want either of us to get hurt.

i don’t know how he feels about this. it’s very draining and i don’t know what to do and i’m so scared to talk to him. i’m scared we will talk it over and nothing will improve. i’m even more scared i’ll be willing to give this another chance and find out i really DO just want to move on from him yet feel like i trapped myself in the friendship. i promised my future with him, and i’m so scared he’ll be hurt if i tell him how suffocating it now feels. i don’t want to make the wrong decision. but i find myself uncomfortable w every convo these past few weeks and having to act like everything is fine. these phases of awkward conversation in our friendship occur often, but it’s lasting pretty long this time. i think i just need to communicate .. but i am so, so terrified

any advice or just kind comments would be appreciated? idk