does anyone else struggle with committing to therapy?
I've seen seven therapists off and on over the course of my life, for varying reasons, but I always end up quitting them. Some were genuinely not a good fit for me, but I know I didn't give others a proper chance and open up to them. It's just hard, you know? I find it easy to overshare online and talk to people behind a screen, but when I talk to a therapist in person or over the phone, I shut down and freak out.
My last attempt to see someone was back in October. I liked the first therapist the practice put me with, she was nice, but then she needed to take a leave of absence and I panicked when I had to start the process all over again with the person subbing in for her. Instead of saying anything, I just ghosted the practice and I feel ridiculous and awful about it. I owe them an apology, they didn't do anything wrong, but I'm scared of saying anything because it feels like the threshhold to apologize has passed.
I'm currently in poor straits and cannot afford therapy, but I want so desperately to see someone and get help. I'm just scared I can't commit.
@cabbit
Thank you so much for reaching out and sharing this with us here! I know from my own personal experience that it can be super hard to open up in therapy, especially with someone new. When I was discussing things with my own therapist that I found particulary difficult to say out loud in front of her, I would write them all down prior to our meeting, and then give them to her in writing. For me, it was an easier way to handle that situation of discussing topics that I was having a hard time bringing up face to face. I also totally understand what you mean when you say that opening up is easier to do online than it is to do in person. In a way, a therapist is completely anonyous just like the internet because they cannot disclose details of what you tell them, unless you share plans of hurting yourself or others. Therapsts aren't even able to confirm or deny that someone is their patient. I know that I never really thought about it that way either until someone explained it to me that way. I hope this helps you in some way!
My inbox is always open to you here should you ever want to talk more about this 1:1!
Please be well and take care,
Jenn Marie