I have bpd and messed up

As the title says, i have borderline personality disorder and i really messed up. I met this guy. He was the sweetest person I've ever met. He cared, he loved me, he actually gave a damn, but i pushed him away because everyone leaves and i didn't want to get hurt by the only person I've ever cared about. My best friends from elementary school all left me. My dad moved out and out of state when i was a kid. I'm just terrified of being abandoned once again. Now, this guy doesn't trust me. How could he? I don't know how to fix it. I love him. I do. I just might have made a mistake that ruined the best thing.