Why I don't live normal
I'm 18 year old... And I always feel like I'm the rong one in my life..I don't feel that I do something right I always do stupid things whether withy family, my friend's,or with Anyone new I meet..it's like always the same things happens with different names ..I don't know how to explain but..Whenever I meet someone new, especially a man, I tend to act foolishly and unconsciously. And when I need to make a decision in a group, I get very enthusiastic about my ideas, and when no one wants to listen to them, I get extremely upset. )(1)
@JustNobody07
I'm sorry that you are feeling so frustrated with yourself. In my teens and early adulthood, I spent a lot of time feeling that way myself. I spent a lot of time alone, which made my shyness and feelings of awkwardness a problem.
Would it surprise you to know that just about all of us go through such feelings at one time or another? Even a great many of those who act confident, are concealing feelings of awkwardness and insecurity. It's very common for people to avoid sharing their feelings for fear of embarrassment, and among young people, putting forth a persona of shallowness and vanity, is considered the route to social acceptance. In the late teens and early 20s, the trend for many is to seek pleasure, be materialistic, gossip, and try to get away with stuff.
In that environment, serious, insightful, clever or constructive comments are often thought of as "wrong" or "stupid." In groups of popularity seekers, people usually end up agreeing with the most dominant individual, whether they are right or not. Based on my observations, they are usually not right.
Sadly, all too often in such groups, really nice people end up feeling strange and awkward, simply by being themselves. It's easy for them to imagine they are saying or doing the wrong things, but they really aren't. If the goal is to "fit in" by abandoning the gift of one's own uniqueness, then yes, in that situation, nice people probably will say and do the wrong things, yet they are actually not wrong. They simply don't fit within the context of a vanity parade.
You may have noticed how when an athlete makes a mistake, they tend to make two or three more mistakes shortly after. That's because the first mistake shook their confidence, and their next few moves feel clumsy.
Similarly, when a person makes a social mistake, a few more mistakes are likely to follow. After that happens a few times, the person may assume an ongoing negative view of themselves, which of course leads to many more mistakes.
However, I suspect there are very few genuine social mistakes, unless you consider that being your authentic and valid self is a mistake. If your words and actions are ignored or rejected, it's not because you did anything wrong. Instead, it's because those around you are not suitable company for you.
It hurts to feel rejected, especially if you are enthusiastically wanting to share ideas. If you are ignored, it's their problem and not yours. After all, even if they weren't interested, common decency would require them to politely acknowledge your idea. In a way, a lot of people are like cats. They only hear what they expect to hear, and if they don't expect to hear an idea that's better than their own, they might as well be deaf. So, when people demonstrate such behavior, there is no need to take it personally.
What should I do then?
How am I supposed to deal with people?
@JustNobody07
We're really not supposed to give advice, and I'm not sure if I'm the best person to give such advice anyway. I can give a bit of a summary of how I got around to dealing with it.
For a number of reasons, I was an extreme misfit as a child. My solution was to be a loner. Yet spending so much time alone led to me being even more shy and awkward. On a positive note, because I spent so much time quietly observing, that I became really good at understanding the mental and social level that my peers were functioning at.
With that understanding, I found myself more able to accept being a social "outsider." I also decided it was pointless to judge others harshly for being immature, with all the self-centeredness and vanity that goes along with it. I know it's not a common viewpoint, but my feeling is that anger towards someone who's simply not acquired sensitivity and emotional intelligence yet, is kinda like being angry with a second grader for not knowing 4th grade work.
In short, I lost interest in being upset with people for not accepting me. In fact, I lost interest in them as well. Why blame a cat for being cat-like? Why blame a human for being unevolved. Actually I think cats are wonderful, but they do have their relationship limitations.
Gradually, I became my own friend, and was quite content with aloneness. I did LOTS of reading. Early on, I studied plenty of psychology and philosophy, including that which was contained in good fiction.
By the time I was 18, I'd already been working full time for 3 years. When I encountered others in my age group, I was usually flabbergasted by their juvenile behavior. Perhaps feeling so distant intellectually and emotionally made it easier for me to accept not having friends among my peers.
I guess I dealt with it by not dealing with it. My situation was quite unique, and my way of dealing with it, isn't an approach I'd recommend. One positive takeaway from my experience was, I could survive without depending on friendships among my peers.
When I was in my early 20s, a huge social shift occurred in my life. I ended up working in a high school. I minded my own business and was quietly polite. Before long, I noticed students starting to hang out around me. Before long, I was being treated like an esteemed celebrity. Even the teachers and administration treated me that way.
I can't say for sure why I was boosted to such high regard by those around me, but I suspect it had to do with my air of "quiet self-sufficiency," also because I was a really good listener. Young people are often dealing with chaotic and intense feelings, so I think they were attracted to my calmness. I was close enough to their age that they assumed I could understand what they were going through. Even though the high school experience was mostly foreign to me, I think I did a pretty good job of understanding.
The point is, there's a good chance that the very difficulties you're experiencing may turn out to be instrumental in having more positive and worthwhile relationships in the future.
I believe that if through it all, you manage to maintain an open heart and willingness to forgive, you'll have the kind of strength that others need, and a few of them will actually value you for it.
I really don't know what to say to you...but I truly appreciate your words and your help, and I see that you were and still are a very strong and kind person, and I am sure that your pure heart will always help you in your life.I really don't know what to say to you...but I truly appreciate your words and your help, and I see that you were and still are a very strong and kind person, and I am sure that your pure heart will always help you in your life.
I will try to become a better version of myself and not allow myself to put negative thoughts in my mind or the idea that no one accepts me.I will try to become a better version of myself and not allow myself to put negative thoughts in my mind or the idea that no one accepts me.
I will always try to maintain my positive, listening personality. I will always try to maintain my positive, listening personality, and I will try to stay true to myself and not pay attention to what anyone says or feel inadequate.
Thank you so much, you really helped me. You're truly wonderful. I wish you a beautiful and happy life.
@JustNobody07
Only wonderful people can recognize other wonderful people! That's true, even if they can't recognize themselves as wonderful.
